Motherhood teaches so much to young women rearing their young. Like baptism by fire, this motherhood thing. So many times while trying to desperately to conceive a child, good meaning individuals would say "Enjoy it now- your life is going to change". Of course it's going to change you well meaning moran (I would think to myself while smiling and nodding), I am going to snuggle a baby, watch cartoons, buy diapers, fly baby food on spoons through the air, hire sitters, etc.- I get it (I thought). I find myself thinking about saying 'it' to preparing pregnant people- but I don't. Because they COULD NOT POSSIBLY GET IT until they birth their baby. Then they'll get it. Suckers.
So- today I thought it would be fun to share 15 things I've learned about life in general after having children. Drum roll please:
1. Corn Starch does not vacuum up well.
2. Anything can be flushed down a toilet- it's the aftermath that is a problem.
3. A trip to the dentist rates higher than a vacation. 30 minutes of solitude. Awesome.
4. Grocery shopping alone is a luxury.
5. NEVER let one of your offspring sip from your beverage- you will regret it. Keep your drink sacred- trust me. I'm considering switching to black coffee just so I can keep it to myself.
6. Telling a child 'the mosquitoes will eat you up' is a HUGE mistake- that you will regret for the rest of your entire living days.
7. Using the restroom in the middle of the night is not worth the risk of waking a child- it is better just to lay there and hold it. Even if it is 4am- just stay put until the sun comes up.
8. Not all vehicles are 'slim jimable'- and when the firemen break even a small window it breaks into no less than 3076 pieces.
9. A diaper truly can hold up to 36 cups of fluid- but you really don't want to test that.
10. The average expected life of a doorbell is 7438 rings- or 35 days if you have a 4 year old.
11. No two belly buttons are the same.
12. A swallowed nickel will reproduce itself within approximately 22 hours.
13. Nickels do not flush down the toilet.
14. Milk- if allowed to- will eventually separate into 3 basic 'forms'. None of which are attractive.
15. Strangers will give you dirty looks if your small children are permitted to play tag in the produce section at the grocery. Which is a bit of a catch 22, as how else are you to get the time to select produce, which said children will not eat anyway?
16. If there were a 16, it would be that Children don't frolic.
Just for the record- I happen to like my newnotsametotallydifferent life. I would not change one single thing (except for Sam's diaper). But I do have to wonder what in the heck I did before I had children when I was so 'busy'.