Tuesday, October 25, 2011


Mothers do odd things. 

They cup their hands to catch vomit of their small children.  They *know* they will not be able to prevent the mess, but they still do it- out of pure instinct.

They wipe snot right off their kids faces...........with their shirts.

And they save small little bloody pieces of teeth.  Forever.  Please tell me I am not the only one.

I personally use small 35mm film canisters.  I have one labeled neatly with Allysons name and the date for every tooth that is inside of it.  And one for Emily with a similar row of neatly labeled dates.  And last night- as Sam managed to wiggle out his SECOND tooth in two days (I kid you not)- I found myself frantically searching for another small canister.  Only, guess what?  We don't use 35mm film anymore so there are NO MORE TEETH CANISTERS TO BE FOUND!

Certainly I can not just keep a pile of his small little perfectly perfect teeth in my jewelry box.  So I did what any other mother would do.  I found a small plastic box filled with a pair of earplugs and I converted it to the boys bloody tooth container box.  And I tucked it away into the cedar chest at the foot of my bed, along with the other two containers of bone fragments.  But only after rubbing the sharp edge of that tooth 100 times remembering the excitement as they first pierced his little gums just a short 5 years ago.

What gross creatures we mothers are.  But only a tad more so than bleeding gummed cheering kids jumping up and down cradling small blood covered bone parts. 

Monday, October 24, 2011

Loosing it

Sammy lost his very first tooth.........on my birthday.  *sniff*

Friday, October 21, 2011

Taking matters into their own hands.

Cell phones have become a fairly common item in our society.   So much so, that even our children are 'kind of' beginning to wonder when they will 'get' theirs.  Kind of like a social security card they think.  That everyone NEEDS one and is just given one when the time comes.

Which is so totally not the case.  Because see- I'm kind of like an old fashioned grandma in the sense that we still have a house phone.  A real live phone that is connected to the outside world by actual wires that run on poles down the side of the road.  And I do in fact have a cell phone- but see- I'm an adult.  And I have a job to pay for that luxury.  And for over 1900 years (and longer) people survived without cell phones.  Cable tv too, so I hear.  So I am positive that they are in fact not a necessity.  And my feeling with my children is that someday, perhaps soon- or maybe not, we will choose to provide them with a nicety such as a cell phone.  But it will be for MY conveninience and assurance of their safety, rather than for theirs.  And right now, I'm just not positive that it is the time.

Interestingly enough, Sam decided to make his own cell phone.  With any luck he will let Allyson borrow it and she will quite begging me for one.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011


Today marks the anniversary of the day Dan and I were joined in marriage.  A big day in our lives.  The biggest I suppose.  The day we chose to join as one and begin this life journey together.

As I stumbled down the hallway this morning in a rush to start my coffee before awakening children and beginning our day, I flicked on the light and was surprised by a vase of flowers on the counter.  A simple vase from our cabinet stuffed full of yellow flowers.  Simple.  Yet overwhelming.

Overwhelming because they were like 2 feet long.  Not trimmed.  Not arranged.  Not fortified with the included flower food.  Just removed from the wrapping they came in and crammed in a vase with some water.  They are EXACTLY what I would expect from my husband.  MY husband. 

MY husband is not polished, etiquette sensitive, worried or troubled.  MY husband is plain, simple, average.  But in an extraordinary way simply average.  He would never hesitate to do whatever is needed to make whatever it is that we (his family) need (or want) possible.  He works hard.  He gives freely.  He snores like a chainsaw.  He saves his laughs for when his soul is really happy.  And when he laughs, you can't help but to laugh with him.  He forgives.  He loves.  Most importantly, he loves ME.  And he probably spent some time trying to decide which package of flowers to select to stuff in that vase.  And I know he made a special trip to a special store and read 15 cards to pick the one that was right for ME.  He is a simple man, but complex in our marriage.  OUR marriage.  And I know I am blessed beyond any amount of measure.

As I looked at the flowers on the counter, I didn't even notice that there was a card and a special box of chocolates just for me placed next to them.  Why you ask?  Because the counter in our kitchen is the collecting space.  Some would call it a breakfast bar- it has barstools on one side and is open to the kitchen on the other.  On the counter this morning:   a bag of special carefully selected purchases at the local drug store made by our oldest Allyson, an envelope reminding me to send in my $3 for a pumpkin donation, a letter asking for donations for a room party, an applesauce cup stuffed with dirt and appleseeds lovingly crafted by Emily in hopes of growing an apple tree, Dan's everloving styrofoam cup from the gas station (there is ALWAYS a styrofoam gas station cup on our counter thanks to this husband of MINE), a batman book of sams, a make up bag of emilys, a basket that is loaded with coupons that need my attention, the toaster and a broken time out stool. 

I stood there, admiring my flowers and thinking what a flipping mess our house always seems to be.  Especially this counter.  And then it hit me, the perfectness of it all.  Here we are, 15 years later after joining together as basically young naive kids, surrounded by the complete chaos that is our family and our lives, and I wouldn't change a single solitary thing.  Not one.  These fifteen years have been good to us- and I love the litter scattered all over my home that is a result of them.

And as I sit here typing this, the sound of machine guns is blazing from the TV in the living room.  See- Dan is on vacation this week.  Which means that he is all up in my business, screwing with my quiet time that I capture for myself every morning.  And I feel like throwing the TV out onto the deck.  But I won't- because it is our anniversary and word on the street is we have a babysitter tonight and we are going out for a real dinner date.  Just us in a restaraunt with real plates and no playland, at least I hope.  And if not- that will be perfectly perfect as well.

15 years- I am a blessed woman.

Monday, October 17, 2011


The only word I can think of to describe myself is broken. 

Second runners up?  Tired, defeated, discouraged, hurt, disappointed, but broken seems to fit the best.  What a mangled mess of a few weeks we've had- and it has all just about sucked the life right from me.

And to top it off, I can not get my children healthy.  At all.  It has been one cough or runny nose, sore throat or hurting ears after another for weeks.  Months it feels.  And I am so very tired of running back and forth to the doctor and pharmacy.  Of scrubbing bathrooms more frequently, changing handtowels twice as much, and buying toothbrushes. 

I can not for the life of me figure out why I can't get these people healthy. 

And late Friday night, when Allyson complained of ear pain.  I did the unthinkable.  I started her on an antibiotic.  Without going to the doctor.  I know.  What the hell was I thinking.  It's just that I had an ENTIRE bottle of antibiotic in the cabinet for her from an error a couple of months ago.  Our doctor and the minute clinic gal phoned in the same prescription- I was the schlumph who got stuck paying for both.  And so I decided that it was what the minute clinic people would do anyway- and so I gave it to her.

And now I feel like a real rule breaker, hiding over here with my contra-ban amoxicyllin, hoping the feds don't come rolling up in my drive to take me away.  And today- she isn't much better, and I would like to take her to the doctor.  You know, the REAL one (unlike my self appointed doctoring self).  But I can't. 
Because then I'd have to point out that I am a horrible mother who gave her child a prescription drug without instruction.

So I let her convince me to send her to school.  Even though her lungs are junky.  One more day.  I will give her one more day before I turn myself in.

Yeah- broken.  That about sums my mood up.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

An apple a day.........

I try to be responsible.  I really do.  But there just isn't enough time.

Because of this, I have been brainstorming and I have come up with a solution.  And I was thinking that I would post it here as a way of protecting my idea to prove it was mine in case someone steels it.  But lets be realistic, I don't even have time to drop off the stupid dry cleaning, let alone bring this brain child of mine into fruition.  So if you can, have at it.  You're welcome.

Picture it.  One building.  In the front is a dry cleaner.  This wasn't part of my original 'vision', but typing the above information made me think it is clearly a good addition.  In the back, a doctors office.  Only it's not any regular office.  It's more of a one stop shop. 

Once called back, you strip naked (but you are given a soft terry cloth robe thing that actually fits) and climb into a dental type chair and put your feet in the stirrups.  In the next hour you will receive every kind of treatment you are supposed to for the year (or six months if we're talking teeth- those details are going to have to be worked out because clearly going in TWICE a year for teeth cleanings isn't going to fit into my plan very well). 

Your teeth will be cleaned.  And any other dental work done.

You will receive your annual pap smear.  And mamogram, if necessary.  That one is going to be tricky- but I'm thinking a 'portable' mamogram machine that looks like a tortilla press is going to have to be invented but I'm sure it can be done.

If necessary- a colonoscopy.  And if you are a man- a prostate exam.  I guess.  I mean I don't know if men get this annually or what.  But if they do- then they will get one.

Eye exam.

A pedicure and a manicure.  And a hand wax dip- just because that sounds wonderful.  And maybe a shoulder massage and a sinus treatment with that steamy eucalyptus stuff.

Bikini wax- if you do that kind of thing.  Or just eyebrows, but this will have to be timed right so that the dentist and this person don't get in each others way.

Meanwhile, the hairdresser will be trimming your hair that is hanging off of the headrest.  I envision her being 'underneath' kind of like in a pit like at the oil change place.

There will also be someone who takes your blood samples and sends them away for all of those annual test things.  The chair will also be equipped with a stethescope built into the back of it so that the doctor can listen without having to have you move.

And while this is happening, you get to watch one of your DVR'd shows in the ceiling TV.  You know, like the season opener of Hell's Kitchen that you STILL have yet to get to see (even though the show is over and the winner has been chosen- don't tell me who won).

And see- all of this will take place simultaneously.  No waiting.  Not holding on.  No just a few more minutes.  All. at. once.

And then an hour later you walk out, all done with everything.  One hour out of your life.  One afternoon.  Done. 

And your drycleaning that you dropped off on your way in?  Done too- you can grab it and take it home.  With your pictures you printed (mental note- add photo lab to the list).  And your car is washed and vacumed and the oil is changed.  Along with the tires being rotated.

Of course, there are a few wrinkles that still need ironed out.  Sanitation for one, since we're talking colonoscopies along with dental stuff.  But those little details will come with time.  I'm focusing on the big picture here.  Can you imagine getting every embarrassing, time consuming appointment overwith all at once?  Who wouldn't pay big bucks for this kind of service. 

I think I'm onto something.

Monday, October 10, 2011

Family Time!

 My family came over last night to celebrate September and October birthdays- it was a blessing.  And that cake?  It may look hideous, but that is a Chocolate Mayonnaise Cake with home made Butter Cream Frosting.  It was YUM!  I also made a peach cobber that was YUM too!
 September marks my niece and my mom's days of birth, and October are mine and ally's.
It was nice to visit.  Even if my mean brother snapped at emily because she dipped her chip in the bowl of cheese and made her cry big alligator tears.  Then I cried big alligator tears too because it hurts to see a child hurting.  And then we all got over it and my nephew helped us conquer Bowser and 'we' completed world 8 in Super Mario Bros.  And now we have access to the secret star world.  I drank a bottle and a half of wine.  My sister in law drank the other 1/2.  Then I distributed razors, toothpaste, soap and laundry detergent from my stockpile and everyone went home.

I'm still washing dishes this morning.

But it was worth it!

Friday, October 7, 2011

I done donated!

Dearest school,

Yes indeedy, we are full swing in the new school year- and I've got the empty wallet to prove it.  Sweet Nibblets you are some needy people.

I mean we hadn't even set foot in the building before we had the kids individual lists- which are always a highlight of the end of the summer.  That big old list of fabulous things we get to hunt down and purchase....yay school supplies.  All 1,278 items of them.

And then- at meet the teacher night, we are always glad to pick a few things off of the teachers 'wish' list.  Extra kleenexes, dry erase markers, wipes.  You know- stuff that us parents are glad to make available for our kids teachers.  Glad to do it.

$2 to help cover the printing cost for the school directory, no problem.

Weekly Newsletter mentions that teacher could really use some candy donated for the Candy Grill (the kids special place should they earn ALL five days of not loosing a single cube).  We sent in the BIG bag- the one with like 170 pieces of candy in it.  I figure I'm done with this request for the year.

Note from teacher- needs more dry erase markers.  Really?  I just sent in two 6 packs.  But okay- I mean I have them and I don't mind if you really need them.

Kleenexes for the nurses office, on their way.

M&M's for Mr. M's graphing project, of course I will send in a bag.  After all, anything that helps Sam learn his letters is only a benefit.

Time to sell Entertainment Books?  Really?  Wow- we'll try.  And end up just buying them ourselves.  Now I have a stack of these things- better make sure I use some serious coupons to get the money back.   Lucky for me there are lots that I can use for, you guessed it, DONATIONS.

Candy for the Entertainment Book selling party?  Uh- okay I guess.  Each kid selected their own preference of a giant bag of candy.  Funny how only ONE variety actually made it to the party.  Oh yeah- I noticed.    I'm smelling your breath office girls, and I KNOW The smell of chocolate.

And would this be a good time to mention the photo copy room supplies.  Last year, I asked the library assistant for a postit note and a rubber band and you would have thought I was a Russian Spy asking for the US National Safety Plan based on the look on her face.  She carefully unlocked a drawer, pulled out a lock box, inside was a locked zippered pouch, where she carefully removed a single post it note-tore it in half, and handed it to me.  She then said that there are NO rubber bands to be seen.  Anywhere.  I've since been picking up various office supplies when I find them cheap to send her way.  I mean, how can teachers possibly do their jobs without paper clips and rubber bands?

Fall Festival time?  Okay- I'll clean out our board games and donate our old ones, and our old books too.  And I'll swing by the store and pick up some two liters for the ring toss, and capri suns for the cafeteria.  Might as well grab a few cookie mixes, because I know you'll be asking for sweet shop donations.  Oh- and the check is in the kids backpacks for their tickets.  As well as my volunteer form.  And I saw the dinner ticket sale form, where we can buy back those capris suns we donated.  I'll get right on top of that.

What was that?  Oh- I nearly forgot about the individual class room silent auction baskets.  Of course, we'll be glad to send in a few items for each.  Although I have no idea what the hell a Tail Gating basket is or what I'm supposed to send for it.  But I'll do my best.

And not to worry- I got to speak with the room mom for Sam's room.  We discussed Sam's peanut allergy.  And she mentioned that she was going to be asking for, you guessed it, cash donations.  She mentioned that 'someone' at the school said she should just ask for cold hard cash because the afternoon class is really bad about donating stuff.

What?  Sorry if I missed something you were asking for.  I MUST HAVE BEEN AT THE FREAKIN' STORE BUYING SOME OTHER SHIT YOU NEEDED.

Lord help me.  I'm trying to be a generous giver here, but you are the neediest folk I've ever met.  And if I even hear a single word, I mean it, a single word, about the glue stick shortage, I might just go postal.  Do us all a favor and just raise the book rental by $10 and buy your own stuff.  Because this momma is getting worn out and the stress from remembering everything is about to put me well over the top.

I don't mean to scare anyone with the term 'going postal'. 

See you at the Fall Festival, let me know if there is anything else that you need.  I don't really mean that.  I do kind of.  Glad to help.  Sometimes.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

A perfect Dozen

 Over the weekend, Allyson turned 12. As in years old. Which still makes me clutch my stomach and shake uncontrollably. Because she is the baby. My first baby.  And she changed my entire life.

 She led me to God.  Straight up.  Before her, I knew there was a God and Jesus was his son and blah blah blah- and that is just how it was in my head.  But the minute she began growing in my tummy, I just knew I had to know more.  I had to meet Him.  Know Him.  Find Him. 
 For He had given me a gift that I didn't even realize would be the entire purpose for the rest of my life.  He had led me down the path to deliver me to Him, and I didn't even realize it. And every day, I wanted to serve Him by raising this gift in His name.
 And on most days, I fall very short.  But thank you God, she doesn't seem to notice most of the time.
 But lately, I feel so very lost in trying to even connect to this child.  I can do her physical needs, but emotionally I miss her so very much.
 This year- between the 11th and 12th candles- she has changed and grown so fast that I want to strap her to something just so it will all slow down.  She is funny and whitty, caring and compassionate, forgiving and loving.........and at the snap of a finger she can be emotional and snippy, sarcastic and rude.  She's looking for herself.  And I want to help her, but she wants so very little to do with me most of the time.
 In true celebration style- we had a slumber party.  Dinner out for pizza, crazy song singing, t-shirt tie dying, laughing, movies, and an entire basket of left over items forgotten at our house.
 And now that the actual anniversary of her birth has past, I feel this unshakable pressure to hurry and finish with what morals and lessons I want to try and cram into her.  I'm not sure why the hurry- but it seems she is slipping further and further (emotionally anyway) away and I must be quick in making sure she has HEARD everything I want her to hear.  Only problem is......she doesn't seem to be wanting to listen.
And I know this is crazy talk- because she is just 12 for crying out loud.  So far from fleeing the nest and joining the circus- but the time is coming so quickly where she is quickly influenced by friends, having opportunities to be with them more than not, private phone calls, boys sending flowers on  her birthday (gasp).............she is blossoming and I worry.  I just do.

So I will share here my words for her as she turns 12:
Sweet Allyson, know your God.  Listen to His words, study His lessons.  Follow your heart, listen to the little voice in your head.  Unless it is leading you in the wrong place- in that case, listen to the OTHER one.  You are a child of God, and you will make mistakes, and you will have sin.  We will still love you.  And so will the Lord.  Please tell me that somewhere inside you like that I love you and that you are only pretending to be a little snot because you think it is what you are supposed to do.  And, by the way, stop being a snot.  Don't follow.  Lead.  Make choices for what you know is right.  Understand that we can't do what everyone else is doing, because that is just not what the Gobles do.  Brush your teeth and for crying out loud put on some deodorant.......every day.  Know that you are beautiful- but not because of your body.  But because of your spirit.  And let that spirit shine- because nothing in the world can make a person any more breathtakingly gorgeous.  Don't judge.  Don't worry.  Don't question your life.  Just live it- walking in the steps the Lord has chosen for you. Listen to the lessons you are being taught.  Open your heart and really hear them.  Be respectful.  Be kind.  Be confident in who you are.  Because you are really great.  Take time every day to listen for the voice of God.  Be modest.  Be quiet.  Be respectful.  Be kind.  Be happy. And for crying out loud, be careful.  And know that your Dad and I love you so very very much.  And that we are new to this too, and we're doing our best.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

I've apparently joined a gang

Sam is settling into being in school just fine.  He is making friends, not loosing discipline 'cubes' very often and his favorite part is recess.  However, he still holds his pencil in a fist and doesn't know a single sight word.  The acedemics will come I hope, his focus is apparently on the social part.

He is, however, starting to 'get it'.  The whole idea that when you put letters together they make words.  And he is recognizing words all over his world and is now asking what they say.  Pretty much all the time.  The other day, while driving to school, we passed one of those cars with the blinky lights and flags and the huge yellow WIDE LOAD sign.  He was intrigued.

He then decided to draw a picture of it.  But he needed help spelling it.  So I would say the letter and wait for him to write it.  But he couldn't remember which letters were which.  I then proceeded to make the letters with my fingers to help him remember..... while driving the car.  The W, the D, the E, the A- you get the picture.  While at a stop sign, I realized that the guy ahead of me was watching me in his rear view mirror.  He must have thought I was flashing up some new fangled gang signs.  Or having a stroke.  Whatever.

We got to school- but were late due to a doctors appointment.  I walked him into the office, signed him in, got his late slip and turned to find him waving at all his friends who were parading past the office.  So cute, so little, so excited to see each other. 

Sam had a situation a few weeks back.  He was late so I had to sign him in, like I was this time.  He got his pass and took off down the hall to his classroom and I left.  Apparently he had no idea where he was going and ended up walking the halls of the school, kind of scared, not knowing where in the heck his classroom was.  This time, he asked how to get to his class and I explained that he could just follow the giant K signs and the arrows and they would lead him to his class.  He seemed fairly confident.  Until he asked what a K looked like again.  So I drew him a K on the back of his late pass- and he was prepared to head to class.

As he got ready to leave the office, I wished him a good day and told him I see him in a little bit and I bent down to kiss him.  He pursed his lips and leaned in to kiss me when his eyes drifted out of the office glass to his buddies in the hallway and he froze.  Once his eyes moved back to me, his little lips loosened and he simply said 'Maybe later mom'. 

And off he went. No kiss for his letter makin finger mom.  I felt defeated, broken, sad, but I knew this day would come.  And it did.  Fist bump for the momma and out the door he went.

I watched him walk all the way down the hallway and stop at the giant sign on the wall.  It said 3 + 4 with an arrow to the left and 1, 2, K with an arrow to the right.  He studied the sign.  He looked at his pass. Looked at the sign.  And then turned to the left.  I ran down the hall, got him and sent him back the right direction.

And back out the door I went.  He is my little man who is growing up quickly.  But not too quickly to totally not need me anymore- just not for anything like kisses in front of his buddies.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

'Stay at Home Mom' is just a fancy name for 'I'm not here right now, leave a message at the tone'

I absolutely love the fact that I have gotten to stay at home with my kids.  Never doubt that- I speak the truth.

And I am positive that the absolute best parenting advice that was EVER given to me was when my Grandma told me that the best years of her entire life were the ones she was at home with her kids.  It kind of sealed the deal for me to give up my job (and health insurance, and 401K, and dress shoes, and ever having new shoes, or a hair do......ever) and plunge into being at home.

Granted- I have worked from home.  Not worked at all.  And now I work part time outside the home.  But still the same- I am a stay at home mom first.  Because lets face it- working 12 hours a week is not really a job.  Especially when I end up calling in at least 4 hours a week lately due to sick kids, family needs and good sales at Walgreens.  Just sayin'.

Back to the point.  When my kids were little.  As in real little.  There were days that we would go somewhere- just to leave the house.  There were times that Dan would get home and I would be just begging for a trip to Sam's Club- just to get to visit real actual people out in the bright colorful world.  Or I would BEG my mom just to stop by and visit us........because we were lonely.

Now that my kids are not so little- I'm basically wearing a path down our street.  In fact, last night, on like my 6th trip in or out of the neighborhood (no joking) I found myself wondering why on earth we didn't more strongly consider buying that house right on the corner.  It would have cut like 1/4 mile off my commute.  And on a day like today- that could really rack up.

Listen for a minute-
Out for a doctors appointment
In for a forgotten jacket
Out for dropping Sam at school and then to work
In to beat the bus back home
Out to go to CVS to pick up Emilys new asthma meds
In to pick up Emily for piano
Out for piano
In cause we were done with piano
Actually home for a few little whiles
Out for Allyson's piano
In for forgotten music book I promised to bring back to piano teacher
Out to go back to piano
Stayed out and made Dan meet us for dinner because I just couldn't drive back home.....again
In for the night

The neighbors must think I am a pizza delivery man or something.  And I'm afraid we are not even to the worst part yet.  Ally really doesn't even have many actitivies- if she picks up a sport or something at school I'm doomed.  Seriously, I'm thinking about buying an RV- at least then I would always kind of be at home.

Next week, Sam and Emily both have field trips.  And of course I volunteered for both because HELLO- this is the icing on the cake to get to go on a field trip.  I got emails back from both teachers thanking me- and telling me how much I needed to pay in order to 'volunteer'.  Which I understand- but it is still kind of ironic.

Then at dinner last night- Allyson mentioned that her field trip this year is to a chocolate factory.  A field trip AND chocolates?  Count me in.  In addition to my adiction to sugar- I simply find factories amazingly interesting.  I can't wait- I even promised Allyson I would chaperone a group other than hers (because she finds me less than amazingly interesting these days).  Then she mentioned that more than anything, they need chaperones on her field trips to break up the fights.   FIGHTS?  Looks like I might not be able to go that day after all.  And she might not either.

Better run- I have to run an errand, pick Ally up at school, drop Sam off at his school, deliver Ally to an orthodontist appointment, swing by the bank, take Ally back to school, drop by the office for an hour and then go back to the elementary to volunteer at the after school party.

Stay at home mom my heiny.

Monday, October 3, 2011

Brief Updates

Just a small quick update from my neck of the woods today............better postings later in the week I hope!

1.  Mom had her procedure done on Thursday and did great.  She is home and on the mend.
(invision my mom here healing nicely)

2. Allyson turned 12 on Saturday and there were 8 of them in our house Friday night for a sleepover.  I'm still tired.
 3.  Emily's lungs are cloudy and basically a mess again- DARN YOU ASTHMA!  Off to the doctor we go again this morning!
4.  Sam had a fun day last week when his class celebrated Mr. Ff and his Funny Feet!  (I love kindergarten!)
 5.  Holy wow batman- I suppose I had no idea my hair was THIS curly!  And what a highly unflattering picture of me I might add!

That is it for today- I'm off to wash that mop of a head and take Miss Emi to the fancy pants doctor.