Monday, August 31, 2009

Third First Day Of School

That's right folks- today was Sammy's first day of preschool!

He was beyond himself excited and sooooo pumped up to get to school and bust out on that playground.
Because that is why we go to preschool afterall, to play on the playground.So there we are, the last of my babies has begun down the school food chain. *sigh*
He got to fingerpaint a red rectangle, play outside, have a snack and yell, I mean, learn to communicate with the other children. No notes so far from the teacher, it was a good day.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Boatloads of Cash..........

So- I am considering getting a job. A real job, like work all the time and make loads of money job. Currently, I work 12 hours a week or less and to be honest it is hard to work and try to have the kids with me. My mom has been wonderful in offering to help with the kids, but truth be told I think she would prefer to not have to do this. And it is not realistic to put the kids into daycare so that I can work 12 whole hours. I would pay more than I make.

Besides- wouldn't it be wonderful to actually contribute financially to this messy life Dan and I have created???? With Dan's hours cut, things have gotten 'snug' to say the least. Although everything is fine, I find myself wondering if Dan would really prefer I go back to work. I even saw him looking at information at the YMCA afterschool care program (*sniff*)

So this got me thinking- what is it that I am qualified for?

1. Lamaze Instructor- I don't have any personal experience in this, since all of my births were C-sections, but I did take a class and I even own a book.

2. Police Officer- besides the fact that I am extrememly out of shape and unable to see black and white, I think driving around real fast with the sirens on would be a hoot.

3. Lottery Winner- I would totally rock at this.

4. CEO- I'd have to learn golf but that shouldn't be a problem.

5. Cruise Director- wouldn't that be the life? Seeing the world via the gorgeous ocean. Besides, I love bingo.

6. House Keeper- after all look around my neat and tidy ho......... okay that ones out too.

7. Surgeon- now we're talking. That would be some serious cash! Plus I would look really good in those scrub things.

8. Nutritionist- I have lots of helpful information even if I don't follow it

So, as far as I can tell, here are my qualifications: (drum roll pu-lease............) I used to be up to speed with computer programs and such until approximately 9 years ago when I quit work to stay at home (I'm sure I can catch up), I am available for work from around 10pm until 4am- those are typically the hours no one needs me around here, I need to be able to leave early if my husband gets put on some screwy shift (which is usually 7-8 times a year) or if someone is barfing (me included), I don't want to work on holidays, I need to make lots of money in order to make giving up sleep worth while, I'm good at checkers, I don't want to do dirty physical work- but I can life up to 20 lbs. should I absolutely have to, I'd like to be very important in what I do, I can make a great pot of coffee, and I have earrings that match most of my outfits (although I very rarely change them, but I do own them). Added bonuses to having me as an employee are: I can make a mean bulletin board out of a stack of colored paper, I usually have clean outfits to wear, I rock at Wii bowling, I know the names of most colors, I can read and I am a member of facebook.

Well there it is- just give me a call if you know of an opening anywhere : )

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

The hassles of homework

Ah, yes. School is back in session. So is the homework.Even Miss Emily has assignments.
Tonight she had to write her name three times. It took over 1/2 an hour.

She whined a bit, played a bit, but finally got it accomplished.
She will be my child who spends hours a day doing a few simple assignments.
I can just feel it.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

All aboard the potty train.........

Well, it's finally happened. Dan and I have agreed to tighten those reins and get this boy potty trained. So what that really means is that it is time for me to spend all my hours a day running that blonde beauty back and forth to the restroom, over and over and over.

It's not that he's not old enough- good grief he is 3 1/2! It's not that he's not capable- I find him purposely peeing inside of strange things like pretend pots and checkers. It's that I have been a tad, alright, alot lazy in forcing him to do it.

It's exhausting. Mopping up accidents, scrubbing carpets, washing towels and wet clothes. Not to mention the whole 'we can't go out in public' thing. The other day we were out in Target, and Sam was wearing underpants, I was like a nervous cat the entire time. I have allowed him the freedom to wear pull ups most of the time, so that if he has an accident it is all contained. But in turn, the little devil just pees in them and then changes his own dag gone diaper.

So we are on day number 2 of really really really cracking down on this potty thing. I found him in the front yard today wearing only underwear, and they were wet to boot. Ugh.

But little man starts preschool Monday (nothing like waiting until the last minute) and I don't want to send him in pull ups. So it's all or nothing. So far, so good, well- maybe not good but okay at least. He has the hang of it, he does #2 there always and has for months, I just can't allow him to forget or else he pees all over the place.

Today, while using the restroom, he informed me that I am not to put the lid down EVER again. I must always leave it up, he said.

Good one kid. You live in a house that has more women than men- you will be the one lifting that lid (or we might end up with another situation where Emily falls in the toilet- and that was not pretty let me tell you).

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Stand back, I'm goin' in...............

So it was grocery day. *cue evil laugh*

I am so over grocery day- if it wasn't necessary to nourish these small ones the Lord has entrusted me with- I probably would just swear off the place.

But it's one of those things.

So after church, and after trying to split 4 pieces of bread, 1 package of honey ham and 1 can of ravioli between 5 people- I decided I had to muster the strength to go do the shopping. About the only thing left in the freezer were the pair of scissors sam stuck in there yesterday, some nasty brocolli thing and those dastardly popsicles (did I spell it right that time mom?)

So- even though it was Dan's day off- I took Sam with me. Why? Why? Why? I'm just crazy like that I guess.

Off we go. Put that down, don't run, get off the top of the cart, don't smash the chips, quit drawing on the freezer doors, no we can't get a car-or candy, come back, sit down, yes we can go to the bathroom (again), ugh. Finally, after 1 1/2 hours we were done and headin to the check out.

The single check out.

The On.a.Sunday.afternoon. Hysterical.

So we wait our turn, unload our goods, dig out that little customer card (pain in the behind), and low and behold- no sackers. No only did I already shop for all this stuff, manage to keep my kid from destroying it, and touched it all again to unload it- now I get to bag my own groceries too. Fun times.

And, unlike the able bodied teenagers that no doubt are somewhere in this place horsing around and being paid for it, I get to do it one handed because my son will not stop screwing around with the shopping cart.

So I manage to get as much sacked up as I can before the cashier needs me to come back to the register and pay for said groceries. And what do you know- here came one of the sackers. He put my remaining 3 items into a bag and then, get this, put all 4 gallons of milk (yes- I did say 4 gallons of milk people) ON TOP of my cart full of $150 groceries. No, he did not put them in the baby seat- that I purposely kept empty for said milk- he smooshed them down on top off all my produce, chips, bread, cereal, pizza rolls. Unbelievable!

I came within an inch of hurling my $8 in milk at this little punks head. Instead, I just thought to myself that someday, his beloved bride will too get to spend all her spare time at the market only to bring him home flat doughnut holes and bruised banannas- courtesy of some lazy thoughless slacker. Ha! Well- it was the best I could muster after spending all my energy (and cash) shopping.

By the way- notify all the neighborhood children that we have food again so that they can all start coming over again for their snacks! (how did we become the local snack shop?)

Friday, August 21, 2009

Momma on the edge.............

I am not one of those 'have it all together' mommas. In fact, I am soooo not the 'have it all together' momma that it all appears to be falling apart. It just feels like there is not enough. Enough time, enough energy, enough daylight, enough patience, enough anything- except laundry- that is one area where we definately do have enough. But not enough laundry soap!

So where am I going with this? I have no idea. It just seemed to need to be let out into the open. So there it is.

Hope you all have a simply wonderful day. I would love to have just a Everything just seems so hectic right now. Yikes!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Kids are expensive..............

We've all heard it. Most of us have even seen reports about the 'cost' of a child to raise them from birth to college. When you hear this, prior to birthing one, you assume that they are expensive because of diapers, formula, book rental, college tuition. Not to mention a bit of extra food and such. But let me tell you folks, that stuff is all just minimal compared to the real expensive costs of raising small chitlins.

The real costs are the stuff that didn't have to be, but are, because children are into everything. Here is my list of why I believe kids are so expensive.

Ketchup. The single most expensive condiment in the world considering little people use it by the gallon for a single corndog. There is just not a way to stock enough ketchup to appease these youngins.

Nail Polish. While all cute and whatnot on small fingers, it is far less 'cute' when applied to bathroom countertops and comforters- which it will end up on.

Toilet paper. Although this is a necessary item and a 'must have' in any home, children will find 839 ways to waste it- daily. I can't begin to explain how many entire rolls of the stuff we have had to chuck in the garbage after being dunked in the toilet.

Vehicles. I'm sure they do not do it on purpose, but inevitably one of these little 'treasures' manages to scratch the family van with something- a bicycle handle bar, a baton, a hoola hoop, a rock. This does not even touch the damage one of these little beauties can do to the interior of a vehicle- usually the damage is preceded by "uh oh". Me personally, I try to not even turn around when I hear those words muttered while in the car. It's just not worth the trauma that usually follows.

Gum. I won't go into details here, let your imagination run wild.

Food. I'm not saying that kids are not worth the food expense, not at all. What I find to be so expensive is the food that is prepared, served and then scraped into the garbage. If said food is purchased while in a restaurant, then multiply that expense by 10. There should be a kids meal available for purchase that is just 3 french fries and a quart of ketchup- because that's what they typically eat before deciding they are 'full'.

Lawn mowers. It is not the mower that is the expense, obviously we would have to mow the lawn with or without children. But what is expensive are the repairs to said mower after mowing down sand toys, tennis balls and rocks that our children lovingly hide in the way too tall grass.

Washers and Dryers. Doing their laundry is part of what I signed up for. Obviously I knew that my children would dirty their clothes. What I hadn't thought about was the amount of 'stuff' that I would have to dig out of them (ie. crayons, gum, wrappers, rocks, small toys). Some of these items require physically scraping them from the inside of hot dryer drums, and then having to rewash and stain treat entire loads of laundry. That is the expensive part.

Pop Cycles. Although this item itself costs like $.12- it is the damage done to the entire freezer full of food when the door is left ajar that is the expensive part. Then- after mopping up the garage floor from said freezer thawage, you come inside to find the pop cycle laying on the end table- melting all over a stack of library books.

Purchasing broken items. No amount of diligence can prevent every child from not accidentally breaking an item in a store. Then we, as their parents, get to crawl around on a dirty store floor while collecting tiny shards of glass in the palms of our hands- all the while explaining to a 17 year old store clerk that we are so sorry and we'll be glad to pay for this $17 snowglobe.

Electronic equipment. I can't begin to explain how many small toys we have had to physically remove from various electronics.

Potty Training. Carpet Cleaning is not cheaper than purchasing diapers. Not to mention, little boys with equally tiny 'parts' have very poor aim which results in lots of washing of bathroom rugs, towels and shower curtains.

I could go on an on for days- but I will stop here. Just for the record, kids are expensive- but not for the obvious reasons. Are they worth it- absolutely! I feel blessed to have the three the Lord blessed me with- even if I have to raise them in a home that is painted in fingernail polish and smells like pee : )

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Summer Love.................

Who doesn't love a summer wedding. The beautiful blooming flowers, the warm summer air, the dancing butterflies. Ahhhh.
I always love to watch the groom at a wedding. It's so special to me to get to watch his expression as he sees his bride.
The flower girls are also a real treat. Beautiful dresses, special hair dos, fresh flower petals......

And then the bride emerges. Innocent, glowing, simply beautiful.................

And they meet at the 'altar'- two fresh young faces ready to embrace their lives together.........and then comes my favorite part....................When the bridesmaids try and talk the groom into coming back to the altar. Begging with him, pleading with him............please.................And it is always such a blessing to watch the person officiating the ceremony to chase him down
and physically drag him back to the altar.And as they hold him there, screaming and crying, it's hard not to think about how beautiful it all really is.Then comes the sprinkling of the flower petals on the sobbing, hysterical groom.
Ahh yes, don't you just love a summer wedding.
(Why can't my children play normal things?)

Thursday, August 13, 2009

First day of school- part 2

Well- it's official, we all survived our first day of school. Emily was more than excited to go and didn't even want me to walk her in. Once she planted her little feet outside the van, she just walked right in and didn't even look back. hum.Just for good measure, here is a picture Sam wanted me to snap of him- infront of the neighbors house (what?) Oh well, I guess even the three year old can see that our home is in some serious need of our attention : )

The last first day of elementary school........

The start of the new school year is upon us and it's official, Allyson is now on her way to her last first day ever of elementary school. Our school only goes through 4th grade, next year I will have to send her off to the intermediate school (yikes!)I have found it difficult this morning to realize how much she has grown up. Just a breath ago, it seems, was her first day of kindergarten. However cliche it sounds, time sure is going fast.
Although I must say, the thought of her going back to school makes my stomach flutter. Not because I worry- I am positive she will be fine. But because there will no longer be this big bad instigator of crap. For whatever reason, it seems, when there has been a big ruckus in this house this summer (which is daily, if not hourly) she is in the middle of it. Will I miss her, yes. Will I miss the ruckus, NO.These are the shoes that Allyson had her heart set on to start the new school year in. They were popular way back when- I remember seeing them in the movie Grease. Dan remembers them from his youth. I personally find them to be a bit stupid looking. However, Allyson LOVES them- and that I find adorable. They make her feet look like they are 12 sizes bigger than they are. whatever.And there she goes folks, off into the wild blue yonder. Her backpack is supplied with the 89 items we were to purchase, she has a freshly packed lunch and her new kickers strapped to her feet. Take care of her world- please let this be a good year for her.
As I was doing cartwheels and the happy dance in my drive way as the bus pulled away, my neighbor shouted over to me. "Is she a safe busdriver" she asked through her tears. See- she just put her first born on the bus for the first time. I remember my extreme fear about the bus ride when Allyson began school. I'm sure she went in allow a few more tears to fall and watch the clock, trying to imagine where her child is when. Me? I went inside to finish my celebration and have another cup of coffee.
Ahhh. The school year is back in session.
Now- I will just try and prepare myself to take Emily over to the school in a few hours. Then it will be my turn for the tears.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Dear world,

Well- my time has come and I am now forced to surrender yet another one of my children to you. That's right, another child sprung forth from my womb will now become part of the public school system.

As of last week, I was a huge supporter of this event as it appears that my children had officially run out of things to do and had begun just trying to kill one another for entertainment. Yes, last week I was couting down the days. Today, now that tomorrow is the big day, not so much.

I have met the woman whom I must entrust my middlest child to, and she is but herself a baby. I wasn't aware that you could have a teaching license at 16 years old, but she seems ready for the task. I just hope she is strong. She will need to be very strong, I can't even imagine how strong in order to handle a classroom of 20+ kindergarteners.

Some things, dear world, you must know about my emily before I send her into your cold, dark clutches. She is tender, compassionate and loves to be helpful. But she shoots straight, doesn't beat around the bush and likes to say things like they are. Prepare yourself for what will spill forth from her little mouth.

Teach her to tie her shoes, how to wait in line and when to raise her hand. But please, please, please don't teach her how to be selfish, hateful or allow anyone to hurt her. She is my middlest child, and she holds such a special place in her momma's heart.

She knows what bus to ride, but has not a clue as to how to get to it- so please be sure someone shows her. She also knows who her bus driver is, and that she 'has a stomach like mommy' (aka she is fat as well). She has brand new shoes, a beautiful pink backpack and a box of crayons never before colored with. She is ready.

I am not.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

What to do?

Just a day and a half left until the giant yellow bus will be hauling my chitlins (two of them anyway) away to school. In a strange way, I am kind of sad about the summer coming to an end. But in an even bigger strange way, I am countin' down the hours. This summer has been taxing, to say the least, and I think the Allyson, in particular, will really enjoy being back in a structured environment. I don't roll that way, and she in particular is NO GOOD at making her own entertainment to keep herself occupied. But in an effort to celebrate the start of the school year, we spent the morning at the children's museum (with EVERYONE else in the city I might add) and we are going to the old swimming pool this evening. Not sure what tomorrow will hold, but at some point I am going to have to do some cleaning and laundry. Then the big day will arrive and I will have to somehow muster the strength to take miss emily to kindergarten- I can't even wrap my brain around that. She is still a baby, in my mind, and I can't imagine sending her to school. Oh well, time is marching right along I suppose.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Back to school shopping...........

Okay, okay, just for the record, of course I knew this day was coming.

After all, registration day has been on the calendar for several months now. And as always, I know we get 'the list' during this process. This year, we got two of 'the lists'- one for ally and one for emi. I knew it was going to happen, I just wasn't prepared for all the wrath I suppose.

First- I try and read through this ginormous list and make sense out of the 328 items that are required of us. While driving. And while trying to quiet the arguing and fighting going on among the three chitlins.

Second- We pull up to Target and begin to devise a plan. I clarify what we are and are not going to purchase (no clothes, maybe shoes, possibly a backback, definitely all items on 'list'). We file out to the store.

Third- Try to find exact items on 'list' while not letting Sam demolish the entire back to school section and explaining to emily why she doesn't need index cards and sharpies. All the while, reading packages trying to find 'low odor' dry erase markers and clear rulers with 16th of an inch and centimeters clearly identified.

I swear to you- somewhere there is a group of teachers (probably hiding behind one way glass in the back to school section) laughing their ever loving heads off. "Did you see that I specified a brand of scissors- ha! Look at that lady trying to find them while her toddler is ripping her clothes off her back". "I can beat that- I put white erasers on my list- check out that dumb fool scouring the store for something that doesn't even exist". Yeah, I bet they get a good laugh out of that 'list' they put together for us.

And the back pack section, I might add, is for the birds. Why why why are there 4,836 choices? How on earth are we supposed to decipher through all this crap and then make that kind of a decision? Hannah Montana or Hello Kitty or butterflies or hearts or frogs or Princesses?????? And how could it be possible that the one they settle on is $30????? We all know it is going to disintegrate in just a few short weeks- how could it possibly be $30? Why can't there just be one backpack in 7 colors, each for $15 or less each? Wouldn't the world be a cozier place filled with hearts and rainbows if this one item could just be simplified? We already made it through the 800 choices of highlighters, we've measured our art boxes, we've scoured through brands and survived the entire mayhem of pocket folders. Why must we now muster through this mess?

I won't even go into the shoe shopping. I don't have the strength.

I added and item to the school list- whiskey. I should have partaken of it prior to our outing.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

A lumberjack I am not..............

Today's storms managed to topple over all of my surprise lilies, blow down my sunflower and knock a HUGE limb out of one of the few trees we have left in our yard. Another limb fell out of the same tree a month or so ago- if we loose anymore we will be left with essentially a giant stick in our yard.

Regardless- Dan seized the opportunity to fire up the old chain saw and then demanded help. Hello? Did he forget who he was asking? I am the one who is not a big fan of manual labor, let alone dragging sticky, wet, heavy limbs all over God's green earth. But I did it, and I am covered in saw dust. Yuck.

Fortunately for me, we have children we could force to help too. Although I'm not sure hitting each other in the head with limbs is really helping, but none the less. After we'd been working forever, Sam told me I was a big helper. That made it all okay, for a moment anyway.

We don't have a lot of trees, but what we do have are apparently not very healthy as they are dropping like flies. There is something to be said for the newer neighborhoods with all the baby trees- I bet none of them were farmed out as slave labor on this beautiful evening.

Good news is we now have a brush pile the size of the barn- Weiner Roast at our house!

Rain, Rain, Rain

I personally love a summer thunderstorm.

However, it does make a small house feel kind of like a prison when three highly energetic children are milling about wondering how to spend their day!