We have an alarm system..........or at least a sign that says we do

So, I realize it is probably a security risk to announce prior to leaving that we are going on a small trip here on my blog. What, with the thousands of folks who read it an all. (Hello out there to both of you). Still- perhaps there is someone who has just been tuning in, waiting for the chance to bust into my house and rob us blind.

So I got all worried.

But then I looked around. What in the heck am I worried about. In fact, in an effort to keep my house from being ransacked, I decided to box up the good stuff for you. That way you can just grab it and go. You're welcome.

First in the box- our DVD player. It's a real gem, let me tell you. It's one of the first made, well one of the first made that we could afford that is. It doesn't always play and we can't find the remote- but if you just shake it a little you can usually get it unstuck. I'm throwing in the other DVD player we bought at a yardsale for $2 as well. Similar problem with it, only it SQEEEEEEALLS as well.

Next up- my pampered chef chillzanne deviled egg dish. That thing was like $50 so it has some REAL value. Or it did before the lid got cracked, but you could probably still score a smooth buck for it. Heck, how bout I just put a dollar in the box and keep the egg dish? I'm kind of partial to it.

Fine electronics up next. Help yourself to the stereo. The only thing that actually works in the entire 3 piece system is the CD player- and that's hit or miss. Let's see- what else.............. oh- the cordless phone. That's a big one in our home. Of course, I can't actually find it right now so I will just throw in the old one that only works for like 30 seconds before the battery goes dead. Just keep your conversations to a minimum and you'll be fine. But the answering machine on it does work- but really, do burglars have answering machines???? Whatever. I'm not putting in our alarm clock. We really really need it, and it's like 20 years old and a $10 version anyway so I'm sure you don't mind. But I have put in Sam's electronic drum set, although not worth much I will not be sad to see it go.

Televisions. You have so picked the wrong house. See- we don't buy into that whole flat screen digital non-sense. Just a passing phase. Nope, all of ours are the size of small buildings. Hope you brought a back brace.

Video Gaming Systems- I don't want to give away all of our family secrets, but upstairs there is a Super Nintendo circa 1995 with Donkey Kong Country. If you're big in the flea market circuit your sure to score big with that one. Probably a fiver. I'm too lazy to actually walk up there and get it to include in the box, but help yourself, okay.

What does every burglar dream of- jewelry. Unfortunately anything with any value I am actually wearing so you won't find much here. But I did throw in all of the single earrings that I now own, maybe you can find the other ones? And just so you are not totally disappointed, I have included Emily's collection of Puppy in My Pocket rings and a pop bead necklace. We don't want you to leave empty handed.

Computer equipment- here sits a 7 year old desktop. Probably not worth hauling it to your car, but to me it is my only connection to the real world- so please spare me and leave it alone, will ya?

I have put in my bath and body works candle- those things are like $20.

In the box you will also find a box of cranberry jello, a can of spaghetti and meatballs, a partially used stick of deodorant (can't stand the smell personally- but maybe you'll like it), a jar of Frank's hot sauce, a bottle of bubbles, two candy canes and a pirates of the caribbean motorized toothbrush.

If you should desire, you can load up all of our family heirlooms into the minivan in the drive way. Never mind that it has 198,000 miles on it and a check engine light that is always on. The thing runs like a champ and it has a half tank of gas in it. If you are lucky, there might even be a partial case of mountain dew in there- but don't tell my husband I told you that.

My only condition, since I am like giving you a map to all of our family jewels, is that you take the washer and dryer. I would like a new set, one that actually works, so that will surely encourage us to buy a new set. Oh- and the stainless steel trash can, take that too. The pedal broke and I would love to get a new one of those as well. And the comforter off of my bed, I've been dreaming of maybe changing things up in there and this might just be the ticket.

And while you're here, throw some water on the house plant will ya? Load it up too if you want. It's more of a commitment than I was prepared for.

Feel free to whatever is left in the fridge- but sign the waiver on the counter first. I will not be responsible for whatever happens if you actually eat the items that are in there.