Dear family,

This one is for you. All of you. No seriously Dan- go get the children- they need to hear this. I'll wait................

Got em? Good. Hello family. It has come to my attention that perhaps there are some housekeeping items that you need specific instruction on in order for them to actually be accomplished. I am a people pleaser, so here you go.

1. Lights on, lights off. Lights on, lights off. In the room, lights on. Out of the room, lights off. In On, Out Off. Make sense? No worry young grasshoppers- you will learn quickly.

2. Dan, darling. If you have items that are of a certain value to you, let's just say for the sake of this story it is a huge flashlight, and you do not want our children to touch it. Perhaps you should, oh let's think now, think think think, oh I know, put it away instead of leaving it lay around the house. I felt I handled your anger about 'letting' them 'play with your things' fairly well the first time, not so sure it will go so well the second. Just sayin.

3. Girls- this is a shoe rack. It hangs on the inside of your closet door. The shoes actually hang on the shoe rack. Freakin amazing, huh?

4. This little contraption actually holds a roll of toilet paper in the bathroom- sounds convenient eh? Sam- the little bar with the two screw on balls on the ends- see it there? LEAVE IT ALONE. I am tired of hunting down the dag gone bar and little balls because you are constantly playing with it. Cut it out. And- to you all- consider this your formal invitation to place a fresh roll of the stuff on said bar anytime that you actually finish the current roll. You might think that this is a job I covet and have wanted saved just for me, but I'm a giver so you too can share in the joy.
5. Moving right along-this next one is for the kids only (you Dan have in fact mastered the laundry recepticles and for that I am eternally gracious). I will start with descriptions...........
This Emily, this is your laundry basket.
And this, this is Allysons.
This is NOT yours Sam. You too have a basket in your closet for your dirty clothes.

When you remove your dirty clothing, you need to place it into your dirty clothing recepticle. No big deal right? Clean clothes on hangers, dirty clothes in baskets. No dirty clothes hidden under furniture in mommy's room- right Sammy? This new method of handling the clothing will in fact be replacing the previous method, which apparently included throwing your dirty clothing where ever you happen to be when you remove it.
You will now place those as well into your baskets. It will be difficult at first, but you'll get the hang of it. You're smart kids, I have faith in you.

6. Getting toys 'near' the toy baskets is not good enough. Nor does that work for your toy boxes, rooms or closets. Near is not good enough. Just please, for the love of all things good and holy, put your crap away.
7. This one is going to blow you away. Perhaps you have all noticed the black tray at the front door and you have wondered to yourselves what on earth it could be for. It is actually a 'Shoe Tray' (pronounced shew traaaaa). One of those new contemporary things but heck, let's give er a whirl, shall we. This is how it will work.........
You will actually no longer be leaving your shoes in the middle of the dining room floor.
Or haphazardly throw them in the general direction of the front door area.

Get ready folks, here it comes..............
You will put them ON the shoe tray. This will solve multiple issues. First of which is we are a family of five. That means that 10-20 shoes could potentially be scattered all over our home- can you say safety issue? Second- no longer will we have frantic last minute tears as we try and tear out the door in the morning because we can't find our shoes- they will be right there- on the tray. Amazing.

8. Dan, I get that you daily stop at the gas station to buy a bucket of mountain dew in a styrofoam cup. It has become part of the daily decor on our breakfast bar. I'm okay with that. But do you think that, when you are done with it, you could like pour out the ice and throw the cup away. I'm good with not having to do this for you, really.

9. This is a coat rack. A rack of coats. Coatage Rackage. Simple concept- coats hang on the hooks. It is located right by the front door, which is convenient, as it is where you come in from outside with your coat on. Keeping with the same concept, the actual coat closet is located directly next to the coat rack. Those tall sitty thingys at the bar- sooooo not a coat rack. That large leather thing in the living room- not a coat rack either. There has been some obvious confusion, I just wanted to clear that up for ya.

10. Let's put it in high gear, shall we? Wet towels go in the launrdy room or on the hooks in the bathroom, toothpaste should go on the toothbrush (how on earth do you splatter globs everywhere???), feel free to rinse out your dishes before you stack them for me to wash later, when you take the last of something- throw the box away, and last but certainly not least- my vehicle IS NOT your vehicle- take your crap with you when you go.

This will conclude today's lesson. There is more, but I don't want to overcomplicate things. Just check back later and we'll touch on some more issues.

Peace. Love. Happiness.