A perfect day for rain

Today we will drive to a little cemetery on the side of a county highwayish type road and provide a final resting place for Dan's uncle.  Gerald Leroy Goble.

It seems so odd.  He has now been 'missing' for 7 years.  So we have already had that time to grow accustomed to his absence in our lives.  And when his body was discovered this past spring, the well of emotions came bubbling back to the top and flowed for weeks.  But forensic people had to do their thing, so we had to wait for them to finish with him.

And last week they were, and they sent Buddy home.  What was left of his earthly body has been cremated and today we will gather together at his grave and properly lay him to rest.

I can not begin to tell you how many prayers I have offered to our Lord about Buddy.  Somewhere deep in my soul, I knew he had died.  But I wanted the peace that I thought would come in knowing where his body was.  And there is a comfort in having found him, and I am thankful that the Lord gave us that gift.  But now my heart is just heavy and full with wonder of what happened to him.  But I do know that our God is a merciful God, and I can't imagine he allowed Buddy to suffer.  So there is my peace. I just hope that someday the horror that fills my heart everytime I think about his poor body laying in that field for 6 years will lesson.  I hate that he had to lay there in that field.

Buddy developed schizophrenia when he blossomed into his manhood.  He spent the majority of his years on this earth wrestling with that beast.  But Buddy was full of joy, a beautiful childlike joy that made it all okay.  If you've ever spent time around someone who is mentally retarded or challenged, then you know what I mean when I say they are especially blessed.  It is like the Lord has given them the ability to only find the happy in most ever situation, just pure joy.  Buddy was a pleasure to be around, and I have deeply missed him.

Today I will hold my children's hands as we stand at a grave with a box, a tiny tiny box.  And again, I will explain to them who their Uncle Buddy was, why they either have never met him or don't remember him (allyson was 3 when he disappeared and I was pregnant with Emily), and how lucky they are to have had him in their family.

Today will not be an easy day.