Down Sized

I can only imagine what it feels like to find out your job has been 'eliminated' from a company.

Until today.

After all, that company hired me to do a job.  And have provided me with a source of existence and purpose for what feels like my entire life.  I have basically given up the majority of myself and my time for almost 11 years, and now I am just no longer needed.

Strange.

"Due to changes in our operations, your services will no longer be required starting Fall of 2011.  We are restructuring and downsizing, and your position will technically no longer be needed.  Because of your generous dedication to our well being and growth, we felt it necessary, and important, to give you a full years notice.  However, the next year will be a very busy transition time in which your skills will be much utilized and appreciated.  You have been a large contributor to our success, and we are grateful to have had you as part of our organization.  Thank you for your service.  Sincerely- your children".

I'm not sure why it is striking me so hard, but the thought of Emily starting FULL DAY 1st grade in a few weeks just sucks the air right out of my lungs.  And then, to know that Sam will begin kindergarten next Fall- uhg.  All those times when I had a baby strapped to my breast and toddlers swinging from the light fixtures and I would joke about them all being in school........... I had no idea that it would actually happen.  It seemed so far away.  But having children means your time gets sucked into a warp machine, apparently, and years are like minutes and BAM!  Your youngins' are gone and you are jobless and no longer needed except for dentist appointments and dinner preparation.  And then I will be faced with what to do with my time.  Time that I haven't had for over 10 years.  Time I'm not sure I really want back just yet.

This momming thing- very tricky.

(Post Edit:  Sam just took every shirt he owns off of it's hangar, threw it on his floor, and informed me that he is NOT going to clean it up.........EVER.............all because I won't cut the sleeves off of a long sleeved Fall shirt.  I suppose my work is not quite finished here after all. Thank you sweet Jesus, not for the fit but for the child who still needs his mom.)