Thursday, July 8, 2010

Attention marketing department

Remember a year or so ago when Always came up with this crazy crazy marketing campaign about making it a happy period?????  And every, and I do mean EVERY, woman in the universe rolled their eyes and gently mumbled 'whatever' under their breath.

What on earth could you ever find 'happy' about bleeding to death every month for 40+ years of your life?  Not to mention doing so while you are on the verge of killing anyone and everyone who even acts like they even might cut you off in traffic, steal your spot in the check out line or ask you for more mashed potatoes.  And that comes only after bursting into tears at every stupid Kleenex commercial and Hallmark card for a few days prior.  Add the water weight gain, the inability to find enough to eat, and fighting the urge to eat chocolate non-stop for 4 days, and the extra laundry that is created. We'll just say NOT HAPPY.

So- mr. marketing man (because clearly a woman would have not come up with THAT campaign)- listen up.

I'm envisioning individually wrapped up pads and tampons- like you already do- only they will have 'fortunes' if you will, printed on the wrappers.  But they will not be positive happy uplifting stuff.  No.  Any other time of 'our' month, that would fly and probably be appreciated, but you would be wasting your ink on us during these few days of our lives.

Instead- you will print items that we can actually relate to.  For instance:

"In 1983 a woman was proven innocent after murdering her husband, claiming that she was suffering from PMS" note- we'll have to look this info up- I just made this up, but I'm sure it is true

"Martinis- not just for lunch anymore"

"Bite Me"

"If I have to repeat myself ONE MORE TIME I swear my head is going to explode"

"Is anyone capable of changing the toilet paper roll in this entire house except me?"

"Chocolate- the other food group"

"It is easier to ask for forgiveness than permission"

"Xanax- the breakfast of champions"

"Any living creature that can bleed for 4 days a month and not die is clearly invincible and should not be messed with"

"Welcome to your unhappy period"

Bear with me- my creative juices are flowing like molasses this morning so these are not as great as I was wanting.  So leave comments with your suggestions for other appropriate 'fortunes'.  Remember- no happy crap.

1 comment:

Ronda said...

Dear Friend, I have PLENTY of suggestions for that particular campaign...and not a one of them is appropriate for a family-friendly blog like this. Oh no, this is a matter that will need to be discussed over Mexican or Italian food served with adult beverages.