One of the biggest changes when you have kids is that you no longer get to do what you want to do. In fact, you are no longer even part of the equation.
You may want to go to some fancy Italian eatery for your one big eat out for the week- but instead you grab a bag of McDonalds and head home (or worse- eat it at the one with the indoor playland). (I say 'worse'- but really Dan and I use that as a date night. Afterall, the kids kind of disappear and we get to talk in between 'hey- look at me up here' and 'I need more ketchup'. win win?)
You may want to browse through your Sunday sale papers and coupons, but instead you play legos. And by play I mean you lay on the hard floor and watch Sam play and only touch the certain legos you are instructed to.
You may want to put out a fabulous bowl of the best smelling christmas potpouri ever- but instead you don't because you tire of picking it up off the floor all.the.time and digging it out of the register vents. And when your kids are old enough to leave it alone- say 4, 6 and 11 years old- it will have completely lost is wonderful smell. And you have lost your ability/desire to pay $11 for a bag of scented wood chips.
You may want to go see some fabulous new movie in the theater you have been waiting for forever (Eat, Pray, Love- I know it's not even in the theater anymore- THAT is how often I get out) but instead you will throw wheelbarrows full of cash at a 16 year old ticket taker to see something animated instead. And then you will run a small blond child to the restroom 14 times during the film because he has a bladder the size of a peanut.
You may want to scream the F word at the top of your lungs when something really really bad happens to you and you just KNOW it will make you feel better (sorry mom- I don't really say THAT word) but instead you scream FOOOOOOHHHHHHY! because little ears are never far away. And it won't provide the relief that the other word would. I mean probably would- if I ever even said that word, right mom?
You may want to just curl up on the couch with a warm blankie and pillows and watch some decorating show about cake people because you have been sick for going on 5 weeks- but instead you will play sardines and like it because your little people told you to. And then you will prepare meals for your little mafia and clean it up and get out playdough and clean it up and empty the trash and start some laundry and wash sheets and empty the dishwasher and mop up melting snow.
You may want to go to some christmas crafting fair and look at all of the wonderful creative offerings from people who actually posess talent- but you won't because chasing your children around shouting NO! and begging them to puleeeze stop picking-hitting-kicking-fighting is just better done at home.
You may want to buy a new comforter with matching sheet set for your bed because yours is worn out and old. But you won't because your child needs a new coat and the other has outgrown their snow boots. And Their wants/needs trump yours.
You may want to snuggle up and watch a classic movie from your childhood like say..........Wizard of Oz........but their over stimulated cartoon loving selves will talk, bicker, ask for drinks, beg for games, fight over chairs the entire time and it won't be fun anymore.
I suppose the moral to this lesson is that having children and a husband puts you in the best place of your life to serve the Lord. And to do that properly you do it selflessly. It is no longer about you- and that is okay. Because a person who is filled or focused on serving themselves is NEVER happy. The self-centered philosophies of our world are something that we christian woman must protect outselves from- because it causes nothing but destruction to our souls. We hear that we should serve ourselves first- but the older I get the more I realize this can not be true. Serve God first- and as a mother and wife, we do that by serving our family. Even if it means building a train track instead of reading a book.
I am not selfless. More times than not I find tears running down my face because I feel a bit neglected. I am working on this- I have to not make it about me. And truth be told- I love serving my family. I love being a mom. And I love being a wife. And I love being a child of God. So there are times I have to be alone- and there are times I don't get to be. Most of the time I don't want to be- because I have gotten used to my posse, and I love them.
I'm off to throw some hunk of beef into the old crock pot. Not my choice for dinners (take out anyone?) but today holds work, replacing a filling in one of my aging teeth, piano lesson, girlscout meeting, and a few errands. So I suppose it will have to do. And I will feel blessed to have it to serve to my family- even the three ungrateful ones who will turn their noses up and declare that they don't like it.