I read a lot of blogs. A LOT of blogs. It makes me somehow feel connected to other mothers who are being held hostage by small people. Until right now that is. (Not you Ronda- I still LOVE your blog. This is about the other people, you know, strangers that I stalk, well, read about).
I'm tired of reading about what a wonderful mother you are, how you homemake bread and other wonderful foods, and how super great your kids are. How fulfilled you are and how wonderful life is- all the time. Come on, really? I mean, do you not ever make pizza rolls for dinner or find your kids scrubbing the floor with a bar of soap (which is extremely difficult to clean up- I might add)?
I don't mean to burst anyones bubbles, but this grown up thing is hard. And for close to a week now, I've been a tad more than cranky. Add in the fact that I thought I was dying of breast cancer and my child was attacked by a wild beast- not to mention the family gathering that required me to give more attention to my home than I wanted to- and I am wiped.
The idea that I have to cook dinner every night for the rest of my life, and that the majority of the people who join me at my dinner table will be complaining about said food, is overwhelming today. And until they arrive at the table, they will be fighting and bickering as I try to 'mother' them from the kitchen while preparing plates- well that too is a bit much, today. Perhaps tomorrow I will be all 'oh joy- time to nourish my family'- but not right now. Right now, I am a cranky woman teetering on the edge. The edge of curling up in my bed and ignoring the constant demand for chocolate milk, pony tails, the buttoning of pants, wiping urine from the toilet seat and lunch preparation.
I know- I'm supposed to be a Proverbs 31 woman and take great joy and pride in my work in my home. And some days I do. Not today- get over it.
Monday's suck in my world. Dan is off Sunday and Monday, so I try and work the majority of my 12 hours a week on Monday's- since I can do it sans-children. So I miss their whole day. Last night, I ran home from work- didn't get to even sit down- sacked up all three kids to take them to basketball practice. I thought Dan would enjoy a break, and it would give me time to be with them in the car as well as play with Sam while the girls did their thing. We were gone for two hours. When we got home, I asked Dan if he enjoyed the small break. His response? 'Not much of a break really'. Really???? Really???? Two hours alone- even if cooking dinner- is a break. It is. I liked the time with the kids- besides the almost crashing thing and the constant bickering. So it is fine. But seriously? Someone is always, always, always talking to me. And, because I am not male apparently, I don't block them out or ignore them. I listen, and respond. All.the.time. Occassionally, it would be off the chart amazing to get just a while to have some quiet. So I could possibly, you know, think. Crazy, I hear ya.
I'm forgetting things. Themed days at schools, the letter of the week, reading slips, lessons, paying bills, all of it. And I think it is because I never get any time to just think, plan or prepare. I can hear you, you're saying that it must have taken some time to sit and type out this nonsense- more time than you know considering I have stopped 24 times to change channels, pour drinks, wipe small bottoms, rescue guinea pigs, etc. But this is the reason I keep a blog- somehow it makes me feel connected just by dumping all this 'stuff' out there and getting it off my mind.
Disclaimer- I love my kids (LOVE my kids-they really are my purpose for being in this nutty world), my husband, our home, the snow, and welch's fruit snacks. So don't think I'm about to pack my bags and hit the road- I'm more like about to grab a bottle and head for the closet- that's all. Perhaps I'll throw a sheet of pizza coupons on the counter first so that they can nourish themselves. If one can really be 'nourished' by pizza that is.
In other news- I finished crocheting a hat for Sam (his request).
It will come in real handy should he develope a sudden cone head- it's like a scarf and a hat all in one!
There must be something out there I am good at : ) But I don't think housewife or crocheter are it.
3 comments:
Here are three things I wish I owned but I don't:
One of those cool color coded calendars. I see one in our future, but not this year. What we have instead are letters...C -- No school. That means don't let Cooper stand at the end of the driveway; the bus isn't coming.
Oh for crying out loud! I forget what number two is. It's some organziational thing I saw once, and it's really cool, but right now I have no flippin' idea what it is.
Number three: Plane tickets. To somewhere warm. (see why I got distracted from number two?) If I remember, I'll get back to you.
See, you're not alone!
And I love Sam's hat! What about Dan? Did he get one too?
Just so you know your blog is my escape, and makes me feel like I am not the only not-all-put-together person in this world (I mean that with as much love and kindness possible). I think you are doing great. Love Sam's hat BTW!
You said it, sista!!! I NEVER forgot birthdays before I had children! Now, my family thinks I've gotten better if they get their cards 2 weeks later!!!!!! BTW - Pizza rolls are nutricious. We love them. So are pancakes, and ravioli out of a can! Love ya! Peggy
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