Somebody help me, 'cause I don't understand

I have always thought legos were a cool toy.  In theory anyway.  Because I never actually played with them.  Not because they are boy toys or girl toys- just not something that got my attention.

Last year, Sam was introduced to legos.  And I was thilled.  And then I was pissed.  Seriously.

I mean here is a toy that costs at least 17 times what it could possibly cost to make it- and it comes unassembled in a box 38 times the size necessary.  And when you give this kind of a toy to a child who is obviously new to legos, who do you think gets to build the damn thing while carefully following the 68 steps and sorting all of the same stinkin' blocks into their 16 piles according to thickness?  That's right, me.

I really thought we were going to just build random houses for small plastic super heros to live in.  I didn't know there were complex plans with 'recipes' that had to be followed step by step.  Where is the fun in that?

Dan always waved off barbies saying he just didn't 'get it'.  Now that there is this boy?  His fingers are too big to help.  It's all crap really.  Like a conspiracy.  I spent the entire morning Christmas day assembling a lego firetruck while Sam slapped my hind end with a whip shouting 'Faster!'.  Is this what they call bonding?

Yesterday Sam brought me the instructions to one of his lego sets and asked if I could help him build it.  I'm not even joking when I say it was a 4 hour process.  Two hours before school.  And two hours after.  I was in tears by the time we finished it.  And by we, I mean me.  Sam's part was to ask how much longer and occassionally help me dig around looking for a thin blue 8 piecer with a hole on the end or the white triangle piece with the stair steps underneath.

It was painful. 

And once I completed said truck?  He just really wanted to drive it around.  See- we have trucks, actual trucks, that would be very capable of driving around.  I don't understand, in the slightest, the purpose of a toy that comes unassembled, makes a grown woman cry while trying to put it together, and then requires such carefullness when playing with it so it won't shatter back into 300 pieces.  I don't 'get it'.

And this morning, when I heard that truck accidentally fall off of the kitchen counter..............instant terror shot through my veins.  Because I knew exactly what was going to happen, he was going to ask me to help fix it.

And I showed him all of his other beautiful trucks that don't come apart, ever, and asked that he just use one of those instead.  Because momma's all legoed out.  And besides- the pain that overwhelms me (other than in my finger tips that have carefully and painstakingly pried and pushed tiny plastic pieces together for hours on end) that comes when he tears apart a 6 hour assembled lego masterpiece is more than I can handle.

Learn to do it yourself oh small blonde one.  Love, momma