Friday, September 16, 2011

I gots me some 'splanin to do!

Picture it- me, in my jammies (the flannel pants with little poodles and a regular old tanktop) out in the back yard at 6:30 this morning, in the dark, holding a ziplock bag of doggie doo over my head shouting "Victory is MINE!".

I know what you are thinking- 'Dang- too bad that next door house already sold, what a great place to live'.  Yeah- you missed your chance alright.

Yesterday was my Hell day- today is Hell day #2.  I'm not sure why or how I manage to cram so very super duper much into a days schedule, but I always do.  It's all or nothing over here it seems.  Then when you throw in children who forget jackets, forgotten grocery lists and stores that don't carry items I thought they would (and really they should)- even the best laid plans become derailed and end up with me having a nervous breakdown and crying over flippin' everything, including sticks of gum wrapped in plain white wrappers instead of silver foil (but that is a story for another day).

Clearly I need a personal assistant- to apply for the job just leave a message on this post and I'll hunt you down like a crazed serial killer running rampant on spring break week in Florida.  I mean, I'll be in touch.

It was almost 11pm when my day finally came to a close yesterday- and I was bushed.  And after a few hours of restless sleep, a forgotten alarm clock and a HUGE miracle that somehow woke me up on time this morning, I still am.

Today- our activities begin with an early morning vet trip for our new super chewer- Rosie.  And without even an ounce of reminder from the girl I scheduled it with- I remembered that I will need a bag of Rosies 'business'. Cue Hallelujah Chorus!  Now I can't even remember why or for what- but I know that I do.  At least I hope.  Because if not- I'm gonna feel kinda stupid.

So- right out of the gate this morning, Rosie needs to go outside.  So I grab my shoes- the ones without the fancy Z-Straps- rattle the girls beds and instruct them to get dressed already, and run into the great outdoors.  And I sit on the deck and watch.  And wait.  And watch.  And wait.  And finally- Rosie wanders into the ONLY area of the yard completely in shadows with no chance of any porch light offering assistance at all (shes nothing if not modest) and does her thing.  At least I assume, because I can't really see her.  Because it is dark- sheesh, try and keep up here people.

Once she comes back into the light- me and my ziplock head off to do our thing.  So carefully, I zig zag back and forth bent over with my face inches from the grass looking for 'it'.  Back and forth.  Back and forth.  A mild success.  Back and forth.  Back and forth.  Certain that I have probably stepped right in it- I decide to go find a flash light.

Only I have children- so there is not a single solitary flash light to be found.  Not one.  Anywhere.  Even the emergency one that I kept plugged in in the laundry room 'for emergencies ONLY' is not there.  I contemplate digging through a toybox- someone had a tinkerbell lantern and I'm pretty sure we had jack o lantern hand held light up things?  But first I check the garage- and low and behold- Dan brought home some super industrial magnetic flash light panel thing and I stuck it to the metal shelves, wayyyyy up on the top, and it is still there.  With working batteries.  Boo-Yah!

Back out in the yard, I recreate my previous pattern- only this time with light- and I manage to find the warm pile of doo that I need for our upcoming visit.

And that is the series of events that lead to my neighbors calling the looney bin to come and get me.

Here's hopin' they need this sample- otherwise I'm gonna go postal at the vets office.


Carrie said...

You make me laugh! I'm picturing this now. You and I were meant to be neighbors. I see my own life in your posts and I feel much better for some reason. =)

We also had an alarm clock miracle this morning. At 10:30 last night I asked my freshman, Jacob if tomorrow was a A day or a B day. Mondays and Wednesdays are A days at the high school and start later than Tuesdays and Thursdays which are B days. Fridays alternate. One week Friday will be an A day and the next week it's a B day. This is more than my brain can keep track of and so I told Jacob it's his job to make sure that he's got Mom in the car at the right time every morning to drive him to school. He either ignored or forgot my reminders and no alarm was set. For some reason I woke up in time to find the school calendar on-line. Naturally, today was a B day and started early. Breakfast was eaten in the car and we were a few minutes late.

We also have new neighbors. The other day I was doing an odd little "get the dog poop off the shoes" dance across a wet section of my front lawn as I was talking to myself. I looked up to find my new neighbors watching me as they carried boxes into their house. I just smiled and waved. What else can you do when you've just been pegged as the crazy neighbor lady? =)(big sigh)

Mynde said...

I would just DIE if they switched up our schedules like that- I can barely handle two hour delays.

Totally hear ya on the crazy neighbor thing!