Crazy Days: Dear Sam,

I am smitten with you. I have been since the very second I found out you were inside of my belly. After I got over being terrified about having a new baby while holding your 14 month old sister, that is. I knew you before you were born. You were mine. And the minute the doctor held you up and declared you were a boy- my entire life changed.

Because you became my favorite little man. My only little man.

And I was your mom.

It takes my breath away to think that you have really been here for five whole years. That you are really turning five super duper years old. And when asked yesterday how old you were, I noticed that you quickly sprung up four fingers and had to think for a second yourself before declaring your fiveness.

I hope your day was special. I hope you enjoyed your playdate with your preschool pals. I hope you have had your fill of giant inflatable play places. And special cookies. And overly colored cupcakes.

I hope you felt the love that your entire family has for you. I hope you saw the excitement in Allyson's face as she showed you your birthday cupcakes- and could see the anticipation in Emily's face as she ran in the house from the bus anxious to start your celebration.

I hope you saw the joy your dad and I shared as we watched you run laps around the yard in your new flame shoes to see if you really did run faster. And you really did.

I hope you feel the love that each and every one of us has for you and how very thankful we are that you are here- completing our little family. I wonder if you realize that there are times I just lean my head into yours to breath in your scent. I close my eyes and I breath you in. I could do that for hours if you would just be still long enough.

You are growing and changing so quickly. Each day I pray that the Lord gives me the tools to grow you into a Jesus loving man. A gentle soul who has strong beliefs- a man who can love and be loved. A man who is at peace with himself, and his world.

As I laid in bed last night and read your book with you- I felt blessed. Blessed to have had such a busy exciting day, blessed to have such a full home filled with people who love each other, and blessed to have a really long and skinny blonde boy at my side listening to me read.

And as we prayed and I kissed you goodnight, I so wished you would have just kissed me back. I have not been kissed on the lips by you in months. You have apparently entered a phase where you no longer kiss your mommy. When I declare that I need a kiss- you will ever so gently and obidiently lean your head to me and allow me to kiss your cheek or forehead. You are my little man, and I miss your kissies. I hope that someday you will begin kissing your momma again. Until then, thanks for at least letting me kiss you.