Friday, August 27, 2010

Not feeling the LOVE

Dearest family,

I awoke this morning at 6am.  Since that time I have:
woken and helped in preparing all three children people
made breakfast for said people
unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher
performed my aerobics (with emily)- yeah me!
washed bathroom rugs
folded and put away sams clothes
folded and put away two- count them-two loads of darks
folded and put away a load of bath towels, neatly and in perfect little stacks fresh for your bathing enjoyment
packed a lunch for allyson
vacumed the carpetings
swept and MOPPED the entire house- including the bathrooms (yuck)
cleaned the patio doors
sewed new curtains for the girls room (and I am no sewer so this is HUGE)
wrestled the dog (your dog) outside to pee
scrubbed up something sticky on the kitchen counter

It is 10:30 and I just finished a shower and dressing myself so that I can now take Sam and go to work for a while.  Then we will run an errand for my job, do our grocery shopping, and look for a garage sale so that we can buy some 'new' toys to keep at the office for little man.  Once home I will put away groceries, bake cookies to take camping, pack all of our families needs for said camping trip, and prepare your dinner.  I will check your backpacks, sign slips, wash lunch bags to be ready for next week, read books, listen to books and listen to you whine while you do your 'chores' (mind you- which are typically homework, practice instrument, walk the dog, unload dishwasher, sweep deck- stuff that is fairly easy and quick).

Everyday is like this for a mom.

I am not looking for kudos.  I am not looking for constant thank you's or appreciation.  I'm just asking that maybe, just maybe, since I am like KILLING myself over here trying to keep our household afloat, you could not treat me like I have cooties.

Sam.  Stop calling me things like 'sponge head' and 'cheese face'.  Throw me a kiss now and again, I am really missing your kisses and lovings.  Don't hold your cup in the air while demanding more to drink.  No more ultimatums.  And please, for the love of all things, do NOT ask me again "What kind of a citizen are you?" while rolling your eyes.  I miss chatting with you, having you talk to me about this and that, and I really miss having your little tiny body wrapped around mine.  PLEASE don't let this phase be a forever thing.

Emily.  Thanks for the love notes I keep finding.  They are special.  However, try and get your clothes into your laundry basket, don't leave your shoes in the yard/car/sofa/bathroom, and don't always climb up to your nice hot homemade plate of dinner and declare you are NOT eating it.  Please just eat it.  And, even if occassionally, let me take your picture.  It's important to me.  And don't ever stop being my snuggle bug.

Allyson.  I miss feeling like I am special to you.  I know you are at a tough age, I know you don't think I'm cool, I know you are trying to find who you are- but please don't be afraid to show me that you love and care for me.  Don't get so angry at me when I try to parent you.  It's my job darlin'.  And try not to focus yourself on how much better you think your parents houses are- trust me when I say you don't have it bad.  And don't ever loose your excitement to tell me things from your day- I'm sorry that sometimes I act like I'm too busy to listen.  I'll work on that.  Oh- one more thing- when I tell you that I love you it would be okay with me if you occassionally say it back.  Oh- and stop referring to me as old, or I'll hit you with my cane.

And finally, Dan.  I just need affirmation.  I need you to talk to me, ask questions about me, want to be around me.  Kiss my lips- really kiss my lips (not just a peck as you run your routine before flying out the door).  I miss feeling like a woman, you are the only one who can really make me feel whole (and not THAT.  we all know that men always turn to THAT.)  I'm talking about just real, live connection.  I miss when you used to send me flowers- really expensive delivery kind.  I would gladly take some you swiped from the neighbors yard these days.  Just anything to let me know that you still find me to be someone you enjoy being around.

I feel like I now understand how a woman could really turn her back and walk away from her entire home.  Course, I would have to get a job, a real job, since I would basically be homeless.  But I invision getting one at the Marriott- I'd basically be doing all the same stuff, but at least here people would tip me for it : )

And of course I would not walk away from my family.  Probably.

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