The big picture

There have been times in my life that I wish I could just see at least the end part of my life, like a little movie clip, to make sure everything ends okay.  To know that it is alright.  Just really to know how it ends.  I'm a girl who tends to read the last page of the book around the second chapter. 

But last night I was overwhelmed with the comfort that we can't.  Because if we could see the entire thing all at one time- I'm just not sure we could handle it.  To know upfront everything that we have to endure, experience or celebrate in our lifetimes- all at one time- might put our nervous systems into overload. 

In the same breath, I feel so afraid sometimes of what 'might' happen.  But the reality is that we are living breathing creatures- designed to feel emotion and pain and grief.  Our bodies are not perfect, they break down and stop working, they get old and tired, they get sick, or they just quit.  The only comfort that I can find is that none of it is random.  None of it is a fluke.  None of it was unknown by our Lord and God.  And even on the final day on the earth- He knew many moons ago how it would play out and when that last breath would be drawn into our lungs.  Because at that moment he receives us back, and I would imagine he's kind of been looking forward to that moment.

Yeah, I guess it's probably best that we only get little pieces at a time.  I'm sure we just couldn't handle it any other way.  If we knew everything that life was going to have us endure up front- it would completely change how we live it.  Life is so full of enexpectedness- be it good or bad.  I guess our job in God's eyes is to receive ALL of it with grace and give Him honor in doing so.  Which is hard since we are just sinful broken humans.

Mr. Mike passed from this world on Tuesday.  I feel peace for him- and grief for Missy Penny and the rest of us.  The world most certainly is going to be much different without him in it.

You too can have one, but you have to hurry

 You can only imagine my complete shock when, after allowing my coupon inserts to stack up for a couple weeks, I stumbled across this. 

 Dang!  I mean with the strong demand expected, I'd probably blown my chance at getting one for my very own self having waited as long as I did.  Everyone else probably already acted now!

But I was lucky and was still able to get one.  Probably someones card got rejected or something and they had just put her back on the shelf when I called.

And I'm on the waiting list for the artist rendering of the bridal figurine.  Because the demand for that one is probably more than just regular Kate, if I were guessing.

I only wish she had real hair I could brush and braid and stuff.  But I told the operator to put me on the waiting list for that too- if it becomes available.

Happy Easter Yesterday

I hope you had a blessed Easter, we certainly did!

 

 The great post egg hunt candy swap!

 This was all Emily's idea- and she and Ally worked together to remember to put them out.

 The easter bunny left beautiful nails in each of the girls baskets!

"Sam-smile..........I mean it..............it's raining, hurry up............SMILE!...................no one is going anywhere until Sam smiles!"

"Thank You"

A Beautiful Cake

I have this recipe for a beautiful super moist lemon cake.  It has lemon jello in the cake mix along with four (1,2,3,4) eggs and almost a whole cup of oil (vegetable oil- so see fruit and veggies in one cake- it's like health food!).  It is so moist you could just die.

And instead of icing, it has just a light glaze of fresh lemon juice and powdered sugar, you poke holes in your cake and let is soak in when it's still warm.

yum.

For my birthday- my mom gave me the most beautiful bunt cake pan ever created.

 And I have been waiting for spring to make a lemon cake in this beautiful pan.  I just knew it would make the most gorgeous cake ever. 

Wanna see?

Keep going






and a little more

TA DA!

Yeah.  There you have it.  That is my beautiful delicious cake in all it's gloriousness.  Because it won't.come.out.of.the.pan!

Regardless- it was still delicious.  Even if we had to use a spoon and just scoop it out of the most beautiful cake pan in the world. 

And now I wonder if my mom 1.)totally had nothing to do with my disappointment and frustration because she really wanted to give me something I would enjoy and had no idea it would destroy my afternoon of baking efforts OR 2.)got me good with her cake pan from hell.

This, my friends, is just confirmation that you will NEVER have to worry about this becoming one of those cooking blogs.

A calling on Good Friday

A dear friend of mine from the air show past away this week.  He was only 52.  He was sleeping when he had a massive heart attack.  And when another dear friend of mine went in to check on him in the morning, he was already gone.  Today I will go to the familiar funeral home, stumble on my words, shed tears, pray silently inside of myself, hug her super tight and come back home. 

I am dreading it like the plaque.  For this man was young- his death was unexpected- and my friend is now all alone.

I offered to do for her what I always offer to do- prepare food.  It's all I've got.   I have not a single healing power, no professional helpful services to offer, no wisdom at all- just casseroles and prayer.  That's really all I have.  And my casseroles aren't exactly anything to speak of- mind you.  She gracefully declined, and told me to hang tight until next week when the lonelies set in.  Yeah- dang those lonelies.

So today- my heart is full of grief.  Grief not only for my friends- but also for my Lord Jesus Christ.  For it is today that we remember the gift that He gave to us with His death on the cross.  I took some time to read of His death this morning- even He was afraid.  That alone speaks to my soul this morning.    But because of His selfless and merciful gift- we will all get to be together again once our time on this earth is complete.

But as with any gift- you have to accept it.  But once you accept that Jesus Christ died on that cross for your sins- life as you know it will never be the same.

Crazy Days

When I picked the name for my blog- I didn't read any blogs really.  I now realize I could have come up with some super creative stuff instead of just taking the recommendation of blogger to hyphenate my name and my idea.

But it is what it is- and I'm here now.  And seriously- at the time my world was filled with little people and bottles and diapers and cribs and more little people.  And my days felt crazy.  Crazy like running around the yard trying to accommodate everyone's request while keeping little people from climbing to their deaths (hello sam).  Crazy like having two car seats in the car that required me to secure small beings inside of them.  Crazy like finding baby bottles under furniture and realizing how milk decomposes.

But the name is quite fitting- even though those crazy days are gone forever.  Because with kids- come new crazy days.

Case and point:  Let me share with you my day yesterday:

6am- up to awaken large child for school
7am- bathe myself and awaken two smaller version children for an upcoming dental appointment
7:30am- begin loosing patience because it is time to be in vehicle and middle child still isn't dressed
7:35am- assist smallest child in looking wacky for wacky wednesday
7:37am- realize I have neglected to pack a lunch for smallest and me- which is going to make for a hungry noon hour
7:43am- in the car, finally, with both remaining kids and their backpacks
8:00am- arrive at dentist office for emi's appointment
8:50am-emily's cavity is filled and we are back in the van, emily's face is swollen and numb and I am $74 poorer
9:06am- back home for wheezer, I forgot my coupons (dang!)
9:13am- preschool, we're late so I have to walk him in
9:21am- elementary, we're late so I have to walk her in
9:24-11:15am- Post office,CVS, Walgreens, Kroger, swing by airshow office to put all my groceries and perishables in the my freaking work refrigerator because I ran out of time to take them all home, subway to get sandwiches for lunch, pick sam up at preschool.
11:20am- back at elementary school for lunch with emily
12:20pm- still at school, only in the kindergarten wing for Kindergarten Round Up.  Spend the next hour filling out form after form after form (all the while not amusing a single person about just changing the names on my other twos forms???), explaining sam's drooping eye to the nurse, realizing that I forgot his birth certificate AND utility statement (both of which are required for registration)(but realizing that I for some reason have emily and allyson's birth certificates in my purse- but of course not sams- and not really understanding why they can't just freakin' photocopy one of theirs!), hyperventilate because I realize I have to send my highly peanut allergic child (who is also my baby) to school in like just a few months where I will be left alone at home wondering how in the heck he is doing and if anyone tried to kill him with a snickers bar, and then find out that he failed his hearing exam.  in both ears.
PAR-TAY!
1:20pm- surprise sam with a visit to the health department (conveniently at the school for round up) for four, count them four, shots.  SURPRISE!
1:28pm- cookie, sucker, and sticker in hand- take my super brave boy out to the car. He held my hand the whole way, and that made the last 7.5 hours all better.
1:37pm-8pm Sam and I go to the air show office to work.  He leaves me to hang with the guys who drive big tractors and adore him until his dad arrives at 3:30 to take him home.  I make a doctor appointment for him at 5pm to have this whole hearing thing investigated and then completely dump that on dan to take care of.  He is gracious and takes all three kids to the doctor to find out that *surprise* his hearing is fine.  This comes just one day after taking miss emily to an ortho specialist to find out that *surprise* he doesn't see a thing wrong with her wrist (I'm thankful- but soooooo tired and if I could have not had to take her out of school and to the hospital in a pouring down thunderstorm, wait for the doctor for an hour, fill out 6000 forms and pay another $65 for another wrist support thing and then take her BACK to school in the pouring down rain I would have been thankful too)(dan says sometimes I make my sentences too long and confusing in my blog, what the heck is he talking about?)
8:14pm Walk in the door to Allyson crying, emily crying and Sam needing help with the tv and an angry/upset/overwhelmed Dan who insists that he isn't.  But I know he is and we still have a whole month to go until this silly airshow will be over and I can be home all the time again.
8:30pm Cry myself silly while blow drying emily's hair.
8:45pm Kiss children goodnight and head to the kitchen to cook myself some dinner- because dude I am starving.

Now- before you go 'there'- I know I am not the first mother who has a big freakin' workload and list of folks demanding her attention.  But that fact, *surprise*, gives me little comfort.  And this is MY blog- MY only place to really complain and cry and pound my fists- so deal with it, will ya.  I just really thought I was going to be better at this mom/wife thing.  And instead I am discovering that I am not qualified for what the Lord has bestowed upon me.

Thank you for taking the time to let me vent- you may now return to your regularly scheduled program.

Twofer one

I know I already posted today- but I was online looking for something new as far as clothing goes.  Something to help me conqure the overwhelming feeling I have that only moo moos and flowers will help to cover up this mess of a body I've created- and now that age isn't exactly on my side it's only worse.

So- I was looking for something trendy and hip to wear- as I said.  To go with my super cool dance moves and highly fashionable croc shoes- you know how cool I am already who am I selling it to?

And what do I find as a 'new' spring item?

Really?  When did big freaking lacy wings as sleeves become the new fashion?

The weepy one

 Every single one of the kids plays bring tears to my eyes.  They are growing and changing so fast.  And already I find that we are at the end of FIRST GRADE!  Holy wow- that doesn't even seem possible.

 Wrapping up a whole 'nother year already?  And then what- I suppose she's going to have to become a big bad second grader with sleep overs and lipgloss and music cd's?

 She is ready- I am not.  She signed up for a solo in the school play.  And when her time came- without a hesitation or voice crack at all- she just marched right up to that microphone and belted it out.  Like it was nothing.  And I stopped myself from jumping up and screaming and hopping around- but I did stomp my feet around a little.  And then I gasped for air and cried.  Because she just marched right up to that microphone and belted it out.  And I was proud, and sad and relieved all at the same time. 

Quite a kid she is growing into.

Sunday night- that growing little kid had a birthday party at the roller rink.  And on her last lap around- the one I was begged to let her take- she fell on her wrist.  Because I am a good mom- and she could still move it around- I made her go to bed as normal (but I did give her a bag of ice if that counts for anything).  Still hurting yesterday morning- we ran in for an x-ray before school and discovered she shifted her growth plate or gapped it or widened it or something in her wrist.  Not broken- but still in a brace- and still needing to be examined by an ortho doctor today.

Dang.

Here's hoping it is good news.

Shield your eyes

Why on earth I would expose myself like this is beyond me- but remember here when I said I would clean out under the entertainment center?  Well this is what I found when I rolled that big bad outdated electronic holder out. 

Holy cow.  Rest assured it is all gone now.  But this was like 4 days ago- so it's hard telling what my little dumplin's have pushed under there by now.

My Mommy Moment- the cost is not worth the reward

Tuesday was dentist day. All three children had appointments at the same time.  And you know what that means, right?  It means the dentist called like 46 times last week to make sure we were really gonna show up PLUS sent two reminder postcards. 

It also means that I got that blessed 20 minutes ALONE in a waiting room with a fabulous selection of up to date magazines.  Totally worth the $300 in my opinion.

I typically schedule these appointments for the crack of dawn dark thirty so that the kids won't miss much school, if any.  Which NEVER seems like a good idea when the actual moment arrives and I'm trying to get three sleepy children dressed, brushed, cleaned and in the car.  But when did I make their return appointments for this October?  Yup- same time. 

And of course- on this particular day- we arrive at Emily's school at 9:11.  School starts at 9:10.  Which means I have to physically take her in, get a pass and sign the late board.  Which may seem like no big deal, except there are the other two.  So this time, I did what any other responsible parent would do and I told them to wait in the van.  But I did park in the entry way to the school- and there are gobs of windows- plus it would only take like 30 seconds AT THE MOST to sign Emily in.  So it's safe.

I run her in, sign the board, kiss her head, wish the office gals a good day and run back out the door.  And in that less than one minute that has transpired since my departure, Allyson has turned the radio up way too loud, both passenger doors of the van are opened, Sam is screaming a fake cry kid of whale, and Allyson is mopping up a spilled drink.  Sweet mother of all things- are you joking me?

Here's what went down.  Allyson decided immediately upon my exiting the van to change the radio station.  Sam decided to utilize his freedom to change it back with his fancy rear of the van controllers.  Allyson shut of his controllers.  He tried to climb up to the front to turn his controllers back on.  She apparently told him to get back- but then used her big bad 11 year old self to push him back.  Which is when he fell and landed smack on top of his capri sun and it EXPLODED all over the back of the van and his car seat.  Which probably hurt- so then he began to cry. really loudly.

And this is apparently the precise moment I exited the school.

My children do not behave.  Ever.  I am always the mother with some child pulled to the side tightly holding their arm and whispering in my motherly forceful squinty eye way that their behavior needs to straighten up.  Or the one mopping up capri sun in front of the school with a crying 5 year old and teen music blaring from the radio.

I'm just cool like that.

The trip of a lifetime

We all have our dream places of visiting.  Trips we plan for and spend hours on end checking out, investigating, reading books, thumbing through brochures, you know what I'm saying.

Some of us- when we plan a trip to a special place, we plan every minute.  Pick out every activity, schedule it, prepay for it, know exactly what every single day is going to hold.  I am sooooo not that person.

I enjoy showing up, looking around, seeing it all, going at a snails pace- going at the kids pace, just enjoying it.  I'm good to lay on the beach until we don't feel like it anymore.  And I don't really want to premake dinner reservations for somewhere, because what if we're just in the mood for a hotdog and an icecream instead?  See- I'm a laid back vacationer.  I just am.  Maybe there are a few things we want to see or do while we're somewhere- and we will, but at our pace.

I know someone who is preparing for a big trip.  The trip of a lifetime really.  This person has prepared for this trip their entire life.  Studying, planning, reading, preparing, praying............all solely for this trip. 

Now, I am planning for the same trip.  But I have yet to find out when I might get to go.  Although I do plan to go.  This man, he knows.  Not the exact time, only that it will probably be soon.  So his anticipation of this trip is different than most.  Because he gets time to prepare to depart.  And for his wife, she knows it will be without her.

She will get to meet him there- but not until later.  Much later probably.  He will leave without her for this glorious place they both dream of being in together.  But he gets to go first.  She has to stay here and wait.

He has no bags to pack, no plans to solidify, no money to withdraw, no reservations to confirm.  This trip is all inclusive........all things are already prepared for his arrival.  Now he just waits for the time.  His wife has to begin to prepare to take care of things here without him.  She has things to finish before she can go.

He is going to meet the Lord.  And for that I do not cry.  Because he is one of the best men I've ever known and he is faithful and devout and knows who God is.  And on the final day that he departs this earth, I will feel peace in my heart for I know that this man will be dancing with Jesus.  But I'm already crying and my heart is heavy.

Why?  For his wife, his children, his grandchildren, his brothers and sisters, and for me.  Because he is going to be terribly missed.  And the world as we live in it will be different. 

All I can do is just continue preparing for my trip- and teaching my children to prepare for theirs.  Knowing that someday we will all be together again.  And Miss Pennie will continue preparing for hers.  Because although she can not go now- she will get to go later.  And Mr. Mike and Jesus will be right there to welcome her when she arrives.

My prayers are that God holds her close until that day.

We'll never know

One year Emily was all about a new toy that was called My Meebas.  And she received one in her easter basket.

The point of this toy is to 'play' with your my meeba on that little electronic screen.  You feed it, play games with it, talk to it, give it medicine and more- all with that little screen.  And eventually- after it has 'grown'- a real meeba will pop out of the top.

The problem was Emily was young, too young to understand how to read and keep up with the demands of this small electronic baby.  So she just cast it aside.  But I was DYING to know what on earth a meeba was.  So read the dag gone manual and played, fed, talked and messed with that little thing pretty much non stop.  Well- as non stop as one can be with three young children.  So basically I devoted 4 minutes max over the course of a day- but still, that was a commitment.

The damn thing never opened.  And it eventually sunk to the bottom of the toybox to live.

This past Saturday was the kid stuff sale at our church- and in an effort to regain a few square feet of living space, I took a booth and sold toys like a crazy toy woman.  While setting up the booth, I found our meeba.  Only the top was popped open and there was nothing inside.  Empty.

I frantically tracked down Emily (who was shoe shopping in a neighboring booth) and asked her about the meeba. 

"Oh mom- it was pink and purple and little and cute- it was really awesome" and then she completely turned her back on me and continued her shopping. Not even caring that when the thing 'popped' out of the top not a living soul in this house showed me.

And there I stood with my pink plastic baby holder in hand knowing that all those hours of nurturing and mindless button pushing were spent for nothing- because I still will NEVER know what in the heck a my meeba is. 

And neither will you.  See- it's pretty disappointing isn't it?

You never know........

We like to practice good safety habits in our home.

 Because one can never be too safe.

And yes- I plan to get all that crap out from under the entertainment center today. 

But first I have to go find my helmet, cause it might be dangerous under there.

Spring Room Parties and the Mothers Who Live for Them

I'm thinking of starting my own reality tv show.  And amazingly enough, upon googling my idea- no one has snatched it up yet.  All I need to do now is get it all thought out and submitted to some hoity toity tv producer.  They'll snatch it up I'm sure.

Our last room party for the year was the Friday before spring break.  The kids in Emily's classroom were about to burst open into big giant messy confetti by the time I got there.  I'm not even sure they knew it was almost spring break- I think they just LOVED the idea of a party.

I learned my lesson last time.  Six year olds do not do well traveling stations during a party.  This time around all of their activities were safe and sound at their desks- as they should always be apparently.  Only one mom could come and help me this time- and she was late.  My heart was racing when the party time came and I was alone and the kids looked like they were contemplating tearing me limb from limb.  Thankfully, as Emily's teacher ran out the door casually saying 'you DO have help coming- right?'- the other mom walked in.

We played games, made crafts, ate cupcakes, and finished up with each child getting their very own treat basket.  A solo cup with a pipe cleaner handle filled with sugary deliciousness, new pencils and fabulous other trinkets.  Pictured above is Emily's spring chick.  Proud to say we had the only one in the whole class sporting glasses.

When I entered the room I received hugs from several of the young ladies in her class- which has become the norm.  I really think they all like getting to hug a fat woman- I feel squishy as opposed to their Zumba loving moms.  Everytime I go to volunteer in the room, attend a field trip, or eat lunch with Emi I get hugs from most of her little friends.  It's a benefit to being fat I suppose.  But on this particular day, one little girl handed me a note and asked that I read it after the party.  It said "Mrs. Goble- thank you for the best room party ever".  I felt so blessed.

I heard Emily tell Sam that he will be soooo lucky if mom (aka me) gets to be his room mom next year- because she (again, me) rocks it.  Wow.  Thanks Emily.  Not sure if unstable wooden bead chicks and paper flowers constitutes 'rocking it'- but it sure does feel nice to feel so loved.

I only hope I am returning the fabulous vibes my three sweet chickies.

Dandilions and Doorknobs

What's that got to do with anything?  Nothing.

Absolutely nothing- kind of like this post.  However- I have three two minutes until my time is up and I will have to move on to the build legos with Sam portion of my day.  Right after that- clean out toys (jealous- I know).

To make matters worse- I started my day late which means EVERYTHING has been moved 1.5 hours later than normally scheduled.  This might mean nothing to you- but to those in this world who I am required to feed, dinner is gonna be a little late.  Kind of like last night.  And the night before.

Time keeps on slippin man.  Warp speed it feels like.  And it doesn't help that I keep double booking myself.  That might be cool if it were like an art show and a country club benefit dinner all in the same night.  But I'm not so cool like that.  It's more like a church commitment and a softball practice.  Or a family dinner and birthday party.  Or a girlscout field trip and another softball practice.  None of which is really the party that an art show would be.

What?  Art shows have wine and cheese- and that my friends is a party.

As if!

I just got an email from Emily's girl scout leader.  About camp.  This year.  As in, this summer.

It never crossed my mind.

Emily of course is ready.  She's probably already packed.  Heck yeah she wants to go- no doubt- sign her up- where's the bus. 

But me?  I hadn't even considered sending her all.the.way.across.town for an entire day with trees and snakes and wilderness.  She's way too little.  Way too little.

Or so I thought.

The nerve of those dang girlscouts and their camps.  Granted, it's a day camp.  So I would meet at the bus in the morning and send her off and then pick her up each afternoon.  Until Thursday when they will actually take her to spend the whole night there with them not at our house away from me.

Somehow I've gotten used to Allyson doing these big girl things.  It was just as hard when she was younger, but each year I suppose it gets easier and more normal.  But Emily?  Really?  It's time to send her onto the river of growing up now too? 

MAKE IT STOP!

I've got to go try and cram Sam back inside my tummy- have a good day.

Goodbye Spring Break- Hello Rainy Monday

Just two nights away proved to be just what we needed.  Some fun, some time to laugh and some time to enjoy being a family.

Here is what I will remember............

 I practically had to have Dan HOLD SAM DOWN so that I could snap a quick picture.  The minute we walked into the indoor water park at the Great Wolf- that kid was about to bust wide open!

 And so was I.

 Watching the three of them play together was just the blessing my heart needed.  Days on end of bickering and arguing had worn me- and it was nice to see them so happy with each other.

 The Great Wolf is, and probably always will be, one of my very favoritest places.  And now that the kids are getting a bit older- it was even more enjoyable (less small children to worry about drowning as much).  We didn't even go into the baby pool area- which was kind of sad and happy all at the same time.

 Sam confirmed that he is in deed a thrill seeker.  NOTHING is too scary for that kid.

 Allyson still found the magic of the Great Wolf- despite her ever growing and maturing mind and body.  She struggles with being a kid- and being a young woman.  It's hard as her mom to see her fighting with her hormones.

 Emily treasured the time.  And I loved being invited into the hot tub and basketball pools by her.  She still holds my hand, openly gives me kisses and will tell me she loves me for no reason.  I miss those things about Allyson, which makes me treasure them even more from Emily.

 Sam LOVED the waterslides. I LOVED that he never once asked to take his life jacket off.

 The animated lobby show had the kids total and complete attention- who can blame them, it was really good.

 All of the kids eventually made a friend- Allyson and her's ran around the joint like they were on fire.  Slides, then pools, then river, then fort, then start all over again.

 Emily is still Emily.  Happy to have a friend on Thursday- happy to play alone on Friday.  Just happy.

 Sam eventually wanted to ride that slide.  By.Him.Self.  I thought I was gonna die.  Reality is- he was probably much safer alone.  Once you put a mommy or a daddy on the back of that raft- we had a tendancy to FLY down the tubes.

Emily never would do the big slides.  Allyson and I did them together- and then her friend took my spot and they did them together.

Spring Break is over.  Rain is pouring from the sky.  It's like the heavens are grieving the loss of our time together too.  Today Dan moves to nights, softball starts in lesss than 11 hours, and the school bells have already begun ringing.

P to the S- tramping around an indoor waterpark for two days in a swim suit might sound like a party- unless you are less than firm and then you just feel like a big fat jiggly momma.  Salad anyone?