Saturday, November 13, 2010

When all is right in my world

I tend to overcommit.  I try and do a bit too much.  And the sad thing is- I don't really do any of 'it' well.

But when my personal world is at peace- is at what I consider to be my perfect- is when I am home, in our home, the home that my husband and I have built together- and I am doing homemaking things.

I feel nothing short of complete when curled up on a bed with a small person, reading them a story, after a day of laundry, some cleaning, and preparing some sort of a dinner for them.  I'm not joking- it makes me feel like I am doing it right. Whatever IT might me.

What gets my guts in an uproar is trying to lace in children's activities, bake sales, working (somehow I thought that would offer me some completeness- I was sure off with that one), and other basic life commitments.

This week, for instance, one day I managed to cram through about 300 loads of laundry (complete with folding and put it away!), some cleaning in the house, playing time with Sam and and and I spent four hours making a packed with comfort food dinner.

That picture up there?  Those are noodles.  HOMEMADE noodles.  As in eggs, butter, flour, salt mix mix mix and roll roll roll roll.  Homemade noodles.  I felt like betty crocker.  And I felt close to my grandma- her recipe (I am so thankful for that handwritten recipe notecard) that she made every single family get together.  I sure miss her.

What is perfect with chicken and noodles?  Warm yeast rolls.  So even though I have sworn off EVER trying to make yeast rolls again, I decide I have grown and matured and I now can make fabulous yeast bread.  So I do.  And it rises.  And I punch and knead.  And it rises some more.

Chicken and noodles (homemade noodles- in case you missed that), warm yeast rolls, a big pot of green beans and mashed potatoes.

And since I was there- I whipped up 3 dozen carrot cake muffins (homemade again, shredded carrots, juicing lemons- the whole nine yards) and piped small little carrots on the top of each with cream cheese frosting.  2 dozen went into Sam's snack bucket (and it turns out the letter of the week was C- which I didn't plan but it worked beautifully and I totally pretended like our Carrot cake muffins were on purpose)- the others onto a cake plate for dessert.

Thank heavens for those muffins- they were the only part of dinner that I considered to be good.

The chicken and noodles- undercooked noodles that seemed a bit chewy to me.
The green beans- eh, okay I guess.  Who really 'likes' greenbeans anyway?
The mashed potatoes- perfect and delicious- but they were instant.  All I had to do was boil water.
The rolls?- like little rock hard yeasty biscuits.

What a disappointment.  To know that homemaking for your family is what makes your soul feel complete and whole- and not posess a single ability to do it right.  I am the one who is always one ingredient short of whatever she wants to bake, one hour short of the time needed to do whatever it is that needs done, the one screeching into the parking lot with some sad plate of something I promised to donate to some bakesale and arriving late because I completely forgot about it, the one who constantly tries to sew something beautiful and homemade and can't because she doesn't know how to sew and it turns out super horrible, I am the one in the kitchen loosing her temper with the children because she is trying to make a nice dinner to provide for them and can't cook to save my life and I'm getting frustrated.

I am the one who is constantly looking for that thing that will be mine, and I will be able to do it well.

And it apparently isn't homemade yeast rolls.  It might be instant mashed potatoes.


Dan said...

I ate those leftovers today and felt blessed to have them. Do not sell yourself short, you are a great mother and wife and need to lighten up on yourself. The Airshow called you immediately when they needed someone, so you must be doing that well too. The kids at Kids Kingdom had a great night last night and that was all you.

Halala Mama said...

I know exactly how you feel. I work my butt off on dinner some nights and it is completely and totally UNFABULOUS when I actually eat it. Combine that with an African husband who would be just as happy eating plain rice and a son who until last week existed totally on milk and bread, and I might as well just drink wine instead of cook.

Sharon said...

Now Mynde -- I'm with need to lighten up on yourself. You, for instance, make the best buttercream frosting from scratch I've ever had --- your brownies are always 'pan perfect' as are your cookies. I looked at your carrot on the carrot cake muffin (which was very good) and felt a pang of pride that I had birthed someone who could do that when I always fell so short on the cake decorating. I LOVE your green beans with tomatoes but you don't make them too often -- they are really good. You have made leaps and bounds from my newly married daughter who called with questions such as 'how long to make hard boiled eggs and how do you do it?'. I also am so happy to see you doing the thing that I never felt I had the time to do, and that is play with your children. That's what you will all remember and you are making huge deposits in your memory banks on that one.

Love you......Mom