The real deal

There are many different stories about motherhood out there.  How it makes you strong, beautiful, full of grace, compassionate, complete.............lies, lies, lies I tell you.

It makes you flippin' crazy is what it does.  They fill you with grief, pain and strife.

Yesterday after spending the afternoon helping with my moms leaves and then picking the biggest up from a birthday party (at a super spectacular fun place where I had to take Emily and Sam into to get her and then explain why WE weren't staying to party for hours on end) (might I add that I had gutter sludge all over my hair, face and shirt) (and I was all yucky from bagging leaves) we headed to our house to bag a few of our own leaves.  I had decided to let the kids off the hook.  They could just play while I worked in the beautiful Fall weather outside.

Plus Dan showed me how to operate our fancy gas powered leaf blower and I was all over that bad boy.  I had a plan to blow all those dag gone leaves into the neighbors driveway and plead ignorance- and I was stickin to it.  Or I was going to blow them into a pile and bag them- however it panned out.

So I finally get the thing to start and I hoist it onto my back (it's like a little 85 lb. back pack- I felt like a space man) I started my work.  No kidding- every 4.5 minutes someone was falling apart.  They scratched their leg, they hit their head, someone took something, someone pushed someone, and on and on and on.  Mind you- I have the equivalent of a lawnmower STRAPPED TO MY BACK  and my hearing is completely shot by the super sonic jet noise that is right by my head.  So I was doing my best to try and read their lips and look over their bodies for obvious damage.

I finally left the front yard and went to the back just to get away from their bickering.

GO PLAY MY SWEET CHILDREN- BEFORE I BLOW YOU TO NEW MEXICO!

But no- they can't take my evil stares seriously- the biggest and middlest get into a real whammy and end up hitting each other.  I don't know who hit first (but I have a theory) or why (yup- have a theory there too) but it was the last straw.  I chased them down and spanked each one of them- with my jet pack still running full force on my back.

And then I did the unthinkable.  I gave them a trash bag, a rake and 30 minutes to bag up two big piles of leaves...............together.  I told them to go work together and that this labor was their punishment for not being able to go 3 minutes without fighting.  Ally and Emily were the only offenders.............and upon hearing of work assignments Sam split like a craitor.  Didn't see him again.

By this point my blowing was done and I took off that monstrocity and headed to the opposite end of the yard to be as far from them and their whining as possible.  And I began stuffing leaves into bags.

They yelled at each other, they yelled at me, they flailed, they fought, they threw, they complained, and at one point they were walking around the yard like dogs.  I explained (loudly- from my pile of leaves- kind of like yelling) that if they had to stay out until midnight- they would bag up those two piles of leaves.

They yelled some more and fought some more and complained some more.

And then emily burst into tears and just cried and cried and cried...........really loudly.  As ally sat next to her complaining and yelling- all the while stuffing leaves into bags one handful at a time.

My neighbor was out in her yard and came to check on emily and I sware I screamed from my own pile of leaves to just get back in her house.......emily was fine, just throwing a fit, nice weather we're having, now leave me a alone I'm about to go postal and lock my kids in the attic thankyouverymuch.

They eventually finished those two piles.  I eventually finished my 6 bags.  And we all went into our house.

They didn't fight with each other anymore.  Those two at least.  Emily and Sam did though. But by then I was so worn that I couldn't even attend to them.

People say kids bring you joy............lie. (although they can- but not yesterday)
People say to have lots of kids so they will play together...............lie.
People say having kids provides extra hands for chores...............lie.
People say being a mother completes them..........lie. (yesterday I would have been more complete with a martini and a pedicure with a fabulous magazine).

On Thursday women all over the world will bow their heads and offer thanksgiving for their children.  But the episode of Sunday afternoon will still be too fresh and raw in my mind, so I won't.  It's not that I am not thankful (because I am), I just don't want to verbalize it.

I swear on every ounce of my being that if these three children do not stop fighting all of the time I am going to loose every single ounce of sanity that I have left.  Which isn't much.  So if you see me out wandering around babbling and crying............go to my house and watch the kids until Dan gets home, because I will have finally lost my mind.

****Disclaimer:  kids do bring you joy, completeness and purpose.  I am so very blessed to be a mother, and a mother to these three in particular.  I love them with every ounce of my being and I wouldn't really lock them in the attic or try and chase them with the leaf blower.  I was (am) just mad and needed to get it out there.  I now return you to your normally scheduled mindless ramblings.