Wednesday, June 23, 2010

A one man battle...........

I feel like war has been declared.  And the very hardest part for me to accept is that this man is the only person enlisted to fight in it.  It's not that any one of us wouldn't glad grab armour and help him, because we would.  But we are not allowed to.

The war is against Cancer.  And it is raging in Dan's dads body, in his throat in particular.
It makes me so angry.  So very very angry.
And scared.
I guess I hadn't given myself time to be scared or to even embrace the situation.
Until now. 
All at once the treatments have begun and the war is in full swing.  He began chemotherapy and radiation on Monday.  It is going to be a very long process.  Weeks and weeks of treatments that will make him want to surrender, I'm sure.
Yesterday the tears came.  I started crying in the car while running around the city in circles, and I simply couldn't get it to stop.
My dad died almost 10 years ago.  He too went into battle- but it was very fast. 
I didn't really have time to contemplate if he would make it- it was apparent very quickly that he would not.  And he gave us a few days to accept it.
And then early one morning, I sat next to my dad and I watched his body quit living.
It was the most overwhelming feeling I think I have ever experienced.
His battle was over, but ours had only just begun because we had to find a new normal in life that didn't include his physical presence.
And I think that is what has me feeling like this is too much.
I swear to you I can not live through that again. 
Dan's dad can fight this.  And he has to.
And all I can contribute to the battlefield is prayer.  Lots of prayer.
I just really really really wish that it is the Lords plan that he be able to defeat this nasty nasty beast.  That he come through at the end as the victor.


It has become a new normal term in our world.  And it makes me so very very angry.

Across town, a very close and dear friend to our family- a man special to me in many ways- is battling the exact same war.  And although I've never written about it- my prayers have never left Mr. Mike, not once.

In our close circle of friends, a family bears the deep wounds from this evil beast.  My prayers are always with this family as they still struggle, I'm sure, to find a new normal.

Damn that cancer.

This morning I can't make the tears quit.  I'm just so very..........I'm not even sure what I am.  I have faith in the Lord, I know that His will will prevail.  I am comforted by Him.  I pray that he touches my father in laws heart, and provides him with peace.  His perfect gentle peace.

Across the street in my neighborhood another battle is beginning.  I found out this week that 'super grandma' has the same nasty disease ravaging her body.  She is thin, healthy, walks and rides her bike every single day, eats healthy, is gentle and peaceful and healthy.  Truly an inspiration.  And she is being eaten alive with cancer.  I have always called her 'super grandma' because she is.

Tomorrow I will return you to your normal off the wall, doesn't make a lick of sense blogging.  Today- I'm going to go cry some more.  Damn cancer.

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