Master Lewis

So- we have this dog, right?  He is living in his golden years, fighting a thyroid issue, and weight is an apparent problem for him.  All of these items combined make him a bit sleepy.  Therefore- most of the time- he just lays.  And when he's up?  We'll he's either eating or using the facilities.  That's his day.  Lay, sleep, eat, go in the yard, rinse, repeat.  Sometimes he likes to mix it up and lay on the cold floor- sometimes he sticks to his bed- sometimes he chooses a comfy spot right in the middle of the hallway. 

Until he's thirsty.  Or hungry (which is ALL.THE.TIME.) Then he rolls over onto his stumpy legs and waddles to the laundry room for refreshments.

Then waddles back and flops onto his nap location of choice. 

One time- after dog sitting for a friend- the kids mentioned how fun it was to have a dog that actually moves.  Lew was not amused.

Oh- and he snores.  If you've ever met Lew, then you've heard him.  Even when he's awake he kind of snores.  And it's loud, ya'll.  When we were camping, he would occasionally break loose from his rope and wander away....................and all we had to do was pause and listen and we would know exactly where he was.

So what I am getting at is he is was low maintenance.  He needs not much- just a cool place to lay, some food and water, and an occassional door opening.  So when we were planning to leave for vacation, a neighbor generously offered to check on him every day if we wanted.  We hooked him up with access to the garage, a personal fan, his bed, water, food and kind folk to check with him each day.

And he did fine.  He even got to hang at their house during the days.  Obviously my idea of 'fine' and his are different.  My neighbor even said that he would stand at the fence first thing in the morning and bark at them to come and get him.  The dog who sleeps until 10am at our house until he awakens for his morning pee.
Ever since we've returned home, it appears he has transformed into the most demanding a$$ dog in the universe.  I'm not joking.  Just this morning he was standing next to me barking.  Bark!  Bark! Bark!  Bark!  Last night at dinner- Lew was at my feet Bark!  Bark!  Bark!  Bedtime- Bark! Bark! Bark!  Like he is demanding justice or something.  Like he is the hairy version of Paris Hilton.  Who is this dog and what on earth do you want LEWIS!  I have children who are demanding stuff from me all day long- I can not handle a overdesireing canine.  Can he not hear the small child beckoning me from the restroom right this very minute for toilet paper?  Or the one in the kitchen asking for help with the milk?  Or the one all up in my face wanting friends over?  We have enough needy people- take a nap Lew!

I swear to you as he waddled away I heard him say under his breath "Silly woman- I don't dooooo rice chex- pfft"  Anyone know where to get angus fed sirloin kibbles and bits and a red velvet dog pillow?