I read a lot of really great blogs. Some of them are so happy and light that I always get a good smile on when I read them. Mine is not one of those- sorry to you.
This morning I feel nothing short of a failure. I am dropping the ball big time on this 'mom' and 'wife' thing- and my family are the ones suffering.
Allyson has not turned in a saxophone practice chart for weeks. I suppose I can not 'force' her- but shouldn't I be reprimanding her for always always always forgetting?
Yesterday I was late to the school to volunteer at Math Club and Sam was already put onto his bus. The office lady (the really really grumpy one- great) had to use her walkie talkie thing and ask for him to be taken back off the bus. Then me and Sam's super great teacher had to run down the halls to find him. If I would have only been there on time........
I made my husband feel like he didn't deserve my help because I was tired and grumpy.
I missed the kids playing sardines on a super glorious spring day because I dozed off for 20 minutes instead- see aforementioned tired and grumpy.
I let the laundry get all mildewy smelling- even though I promised myself I wouldn't.
Allyson is having nightmares. Poor little thing. I can do nothing about it- except pray and encourage her to do the same.
Work is getting super uber busy (the air show I work for is coming up in June). Last night after not being an encouragement to my husband or children, I had to go back there to catch up a bit. I did manage to throw some dinner in the oven, if you can call pizza rolls dinner. No veggies or nothin.
Sam's floor in his room is full of boxes of stuff he wants to put in a yardsale. It's been there for days. I'm not sure I will ever have the time and energy (at the same time) to go through them and get them out of his room. Poor little man.
My husband has worked so hard in order for me to be a stay at home mom (mostly- I only work 12 hoursish per week and they are pretty darn flexible) and yet he had to unload the dishwasher last night because I failed to get it done.
I broke a tooth last month and I still haven't made an appointment to have it fixed.
Its been super gorgeous weather here- unseasonably gorgeous- yet my flower beds are still covered in leaves. They represent how I feel I suppose.
My father in law is dying and all I can do is cry and pray. Pray and cry. Bake a casserole and pray and cry some more. It is so hard to live through this. It's hard to see him and my mother in law have to live through this.
Most days I can find something funny I want to write about on this blog. But today- I just can't. I'm not saying I can't see God's good in my life- because I ALWAYS can. But my heart just feels tired and dreary, that's all.
4 comments:
I hope that writing it all down made you feel better.
We can't be perfect - we all have lumpy bits
Hugs
It did. Plus it gives documention for the CPS people- I'm nothing if not a giver : )
Thanks for your kind words!
Mynde- if it makes you feel any better, I think most moms are right there with you in feeling like we are never doing enough & are hanging on by an eyelash. Here's my take on it (if you care, if not, delete!)- everyone thinks that Susie next door is perfect & has it all under control. I PROMISE you this- she doesn't! Everyone has some "crap"- dirty dishes in the oven, a stain on the carpet strategically covered with a throw rug, 24 overdrafts in a month, a dog that eats garbage, whatever! Who freakin' cares! Look @ the big picture- your family has love, food, shelter & God. Those orchestra practice sheets that never got turned in will soon be forgotten, but these other things (LFSG) won't! I hate to see you beat yourself up over this. Life is good, my friend & so are you!
My sweet Mary- your words are so appreciated. I think I'll go put on my new super trendy earrings, throw my dishes in the oven and hold a bon fire with the band practice sheets. Plus I'm thinking I need to order us matching shirts "LFSG". I miss seeing you in 'real life'- but once Lent is over I'll be catching up again on facebook : )
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