I miss you.
Please understand that it is not my choice to be gone 12-14 hours a day right now- and that I would prefer to be home BEFORE you go to sleep instead of always after. But we're in 'the month'- the one that preceeds 'the air show'. We've moved from my 'being able to keep up with both home and work kind of in a not really good kind of way' to'fasten your seatbelts and hold your breath- it's almost over'.
I don't know who got their baths last night. I don't know who's almost out of clean underwear. Or how much milk is left. I'm not sure what's on sale at Target, who is having Bosco Sticks for lunch, if we've used up all the ground beef yet, when the rugs were vacuumed last or where I put my car keys when I stumbled home at 10 last night. I feel removed, distant and lonely. I would rather be on the INSIDE with you- but instead I am way out here. And I miss you all so much.
Dan- you seem to be doing a beautiful job keeping up our home front. At least all of the kids are still alive and I have counted that as a victory more than once. Remembering to feed and water a living being is a big job- and you are apparently keeping up with it. Plus you don't look too aweful worse for the ware- so I suppose you are hanging in there?
On the counter in the kitchen- the one where we used to have nice meals and share homework time, but is now apparently where we stack mountains of papers and mail until I return home for realz- I found some of Emily's homework this morning. And they were the most perfectly colored pictures I have seen in years. Allyson quit using crayons a while back- and up until this morning Emily still colored like a little baby girl. I was taken back by how grown up the girl who colored them must be. I apologize for the tear drops on them- they just started falling as I sat there realizing how much I am really missing by not being here at home with you all right now. And how- just like the butterfly that was colored- every day my children are evolving, growing, changing- and I have missed the past 2 weeks of it and will miss about 2 weeks more.
10 more days and the air show will be over. 15 more days and I will be back home most of the time except when I run into work a couple days a week for a couple hours at a time. We can totally do that- right?
I was not built for this. I can't wait to be home and take our household reins again. Please stop hiding things in the bottom corners of your closet until I do so.