Thursday, February 9, 2012

You so Ka-Raaaa-Zeeeeeeeey

Wednesday- February 8- Small town, Central Indiana

6:00 AM  Begin smacking snooze button on alarm clock

6:23 AM Smallest child person produces himself and declares his bed and jammies 'wet' and begins messing with the dog in my quiet dark corner of the earth.  Soon there is laughing, running and hysteria in our dark, pre-sun rising home.

6:45 AM  Try to awaken and throw out the door biggest child person for public learning priviledge.

In the mean time start coffee, make breakfasts, remind sam to be quiet 647 times, unload the dishwasher.

7:25 AM  Success- Ally catches her bus.

7:26 AM Grab steaming cup of life blood.  Realize rather quickly that being out of coffee and using a specialty package of decadent chocolate coffee will NOT be the same as the normal start to my day.  Just fabulous.

8:30 AM Finish showering, dressing and stripping boy childs bed and starting the washer going.  Begin waking middlest and reminding smallest to dress himself.

9:00 AM In car- drop off boy child with friend for playdate and rideshare to school and drive all.the.way.downtown for emilys eye doctor appointment.  Probably driving past 74 eye doctor offices along the way.

9:43 AM FINALLY find a parking spot in that blasted garage and run like the ever loving wind to make it in the hospital and up to the third floor before our appointed time. Run is figurative.  But we did hurry extra fast.

9:47 AM Sign in on the board as arriving at 9:44.  Who us?  Late?  Never.

11:00 AM Arrive back in our part of the world, check the child back into school, head to my location of paid employment.

12:45 PM Leave location of paid employment and drive like crazy fast to home to get forgotten study materials.

1:07 PM Arrive for ladies bible study that began at 1:00 PM.  If there was a sign in board I would have marked my time of arrival as 1:00.  Who me? Late? Never.

2:21 PM Drive like a crazy lunatic because I lost track of time and now I have to hurry if I'm gonna beat that bus home. 

2:31 PM Ahhhh- beat the bus home.  Capture 1.5 minutes of complete quiet in the driveway while I wait for said bus.

2:33 PM Make the kids get in the car without even passing GO and listen to them complain about hunger and fight over strange scraps of food they find in the car while we run errands for the next 70 minutes.  Which include a stop at the bank- inside- which is always a party with tired hungry kids.

3:43 PM  Finally home.  Switch around laundry.  Mess with dishes and tidying kitchen.  Unpack bags from errands.  Take care of various home/wifely responsibilities. 

4:43 PM Declare that I am tired and going to sit down until it is time to go to school to pick up Ally.  Realize it is actually already time to go pick up Ally and whine kind of really badly loud.  Make a cup of coffee to go, and then I go.

6:00 PM  Daughter picked up, girl scout cookie deliveries made, heading back to the house.  Dan calls to find out what is for dinner.  I swear I almost broke right then and there.  But instead just replied I wasn't making dinner and then declared that he was.

6:15-6:24 PM Hide in the car in the garage after arriving home.  I played on my new fancy phone the whole time.  Husband and small blonde one both tried to drag me in.  I locked them out of the car.

6:25 PM  Give up and come inside.  Change guinea pig cage.  Put last load of bedding into dryer.  Start a load of towels for good measure.  Feed dog.  Insert other various home duties here.

7:14 PM  Come down the hall with visions of frozen pizza for dinner and the rest of the evening for relaxing dancing in my head.  Hear a child declare 'they are here' and remember that husband scheduled a life insurance agent to visit us.  Tonight.  As in right now.  Like during my dinner and relaxing portion of the day.

7:14-7:18 PM- run around frantically trying to wipe up sticky spots on the dining room table, move children and their 'dinner' to the bar, gather up coats and shoes from the entry so they won't trip on them, and apologize for the complete disaster our home is.  And ask why they didn't get the voice mail Dan left asking to move this appointment to another day.  I mean we left it on the voicemail of the completely wrong company, in another portion of the entire country, but we did leave the right agents name.  How did that not pan out?  Relent and give up the hope of having any time for anything other than insurance listening for the next while and make another cup of coffee.

10:23 PM Agents leave (no joking).  Although able to get them to bathe, dry hair, take vitamins and brush teeth during very interesting life insurance videos, they are all still awake (the children, not the insurance agents.  well, I mean the agents are still awake, but so are the kids). Finish getting them all to climb into beds and collapse on the couch with the last 2 slices of 3 hour old cold pizza and a big giant bowl of grape salad.

10:49 PM Finally nourished and alone- first opportunity to strangle my husband for the dinner comment.  And for scheduling these jokers on the only night of the week we don't have something already to do.  But I don't.  For that I feel I earned the title of Saint.  Climb into bed with Dan and the little blonde one who proceeds to use his toes to dig in my thigh all.night.long.  Restful, let me tell ya.

Today it starts all over again.  Sans insurance appointment, similarly busy.  There should be drive through martini bars.  Just sayin'.

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