Wednesday, February 1, 2012

LIFE- only more realistic

 I don't know what it is about that game- but my kids love to play LIFE.  Maybe it's the little plastic blue and white 'people', or the 'real' mountain roads, or that snazzy spinny wheel.  Whatever it is- it is lost on my.
 While we are here- why am I the ONLY person in this entire house that finds it so important to sort and wrap the money before putting the game away.  Everytime we get out a game- the cards, money, people, and every other small tiny thing is just all over the box.  Everywhere.  It could take us a half hour just to set up.  My first lesson in LIFE would be to take care of your stuff and freakin' organize it.  Geesh.
But my 'real' point here is the actual game.  First you pick a profession- college or no college.  And the no college options are pretty dag gone good and can make like $50,000 a year as a bar singer. PLUS, every other roll it seems you get a $10,000-$20,000 pay raise.  Really?  Who gets that kind of an increase in real life?  Then you throw in how you have a baby and every other player gives you $5000.  Or 'surprise' you inherited a smooth hundred thousand from great aunt whoever.  Sign a book deal- collect $100,000.  Win the lotto- collect $50,000.  Then- at the end of the game you sell you house back for more than you pay for it.  This might be how things used to roll- but not so much these days.  I've been thinking about my OWN version of the game of LIFE.  It would go something like this:

Oh no- little dumpling has the chicken pox.  Take two weeks off work and forfeit $800 in pay.  Plus- bounce 3 checks due to lack of deposits and pay late fees on 4 bills.  Loose another $200.

Congratulations- you got a raise.  3% of your income.  That means you get to collect $27 per pay period.  The down side is that the increased pay put you into a new tax bracket and you end up LOOSING $60 each check.  High Five on the Raise!

Oh Boy!  Your having another baby.  Pay $500 to the OB's office, $875 to the hospital and kiss goodbye any extra income  you might have been earning because no one can afford to pay babysitting for three kids.  Each player gives you $25 and a casserole.

Breastfeeding troubles.  Pay $30 for herbal supplements.

No dice on the supplements.  Pay $80 a month for baby formula.

Dog goes into heat and makes your house look like a crime scene.  Spend $40 on dry cleaning bills for your bedspread, $20 on fancy doggie underpants that don't work, and $180 to have the carpets professionally cleaned.   SPIN TO WIN to see if fido got impregnated.  YES- $400 for puppy delivery and first round of shots.  NO- cough up $200 for neutering your precious pup.

Thems the dumps!  Your washer quits working.  Pay $500 for another one that can't be delivered until next week and then another $50 at the laundry mat to get by until then.  Collect a free sample of wash detergent that came with the new washer.

Your daughter makes the basketball team!!!!  Pay $125 because your school system is in the toilet and you now need to 'pay to play' PLUS $25 for the fancy jerseys the team is ordering AND $130 for the physical that is required to be on file.  Want to go watch your child play in actual games?  That will be another $10 please. Two times a week.  For the next two months.

Freezers on the Fritz, kiss your $180 in frozen food goodbye as you haul it to the curb for the trash (pay them $40 just to come get your trash each month by the way).  Buy another freezer, $250 and loose a turn.

Child needs tonsils removed.  Pay $300 in doctors fees and don't collect the next two pay checks.

Oldest makes Honor Roll at school!   Pay $25 for reward field trip.

Basketball pictures, due tomorrow.  Pay $20.

Miss calculate/balance your checkbook.  Loose $300.  You're not even really sure how or why or where- but if you choose to have someone at the bank help you pay another $25 and still loose the $300.

Great Aunt So and So passes away.  Pay $50 toward flowers.  Collect nothing from the will.

Outgrow your family home.  Sell it for $5,000 less than you paid for it 12 years ago and buy a new one.

Download a virus onto your computer.  $80 please.

Your little car full of blue and pink babies rolls 250,000 miles.  Time for a new ride.  Pay $400.  Per month.  For years on end.  Good thing you got that raise.

PAYDAY.  Collect $1000.  Give back $80 for health insurance, $20 for uniform cleaning. $263 for taxes and other stuff that no one really understands, $40 for 401K.

What other fun 'real life' things am I missing?????  Share your ideas and maybe we can split the profit of our new boardgame.

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