The only word I can think of to describe myself is broken.
Second runners up? Tired, defeated, discouraged, hurt, disappointed, but broken seems to fit the best. What a mangled mess of a few weeks we've had- and it has all just about sucked the life right from me.
And to top it off, I can not get my children healthy. At all. It has been one cough or runny nose, sore throat or hurting ears after another for weeks. Months it feels. And I am so very tired of running back and forth to the doctor and pharmacy. Of scrubbing bathrooms more frequently, changing handtowels twice as much, and buying toothbrushes.
I can not for the life of me figure out why I can't get these people healthy.
And late Friday night, when Allyson complained of ear pain. I did the unthinkable. I started her on an antibiotic. Without going to the doctor. I know. What the hell was I thinking. It's just that I had an ENTIRE bottle of antibiotic in the cabinet for her from an error a couple of months ago. Our doctor and the minute clinic gal phoned in the same prescription- I was the schlumph who got stuck paying for both. And so I decided that it was what the minute clinic people would do anyway- and so I gave it to her.
And now I feel like a real rule breaker, hiding over here with my contra-ban amoxicyllin, hoping the feds don't come rolling up in my drive to take me away. And today- she isn't much better, and I would like to take her to the doctor. You know, the REAL one (unlike my self appointed doctoring self). But I can't.
Because then I'd have to point out that I am a horrible mother who gave her child a prescription drug without instruction.
So I let her convince me to send her to school. Even though her lungs are junky. One more day. I will give her one more day before I turn myself in.
Yeah- broken. That about sums my mood up.