Tuesday, October 11, 2011

An apple a day.........

I try to be responsible.  I really do.  But there just isn't enough time.

Because of this, I have been brainstorming and I have come up with a solution.  And I was thinking that I would post it here as a way of protecting my idea to prove it was mine in case someone steels it.  But lets be realistic, I don't even have time to drop off the stupid dry cleaning, let alone bring this brain child of mine into fruition.  So if you can, have at it.  You're welcome.

Picture it.  One building.  In the front is a dry cleaner.  This wasn't part of my original 'vision', but typing the above information made me think it is clearly a good addition.  In the back, a doctors office.  Only it's not any regular office.  It's more of a one stop shop. 

Once called back, you strip naked (but you are given a soft terry cloth robe thing that actually fits) and climb into a dental type chair and put your feet in the stirrups.  In the next hour you will receive every kind of treatment you are supposed to for the year (or six months if we're talking teeth- those details are going to have to be worked out because clearly going in TWICE a year for teeth cleanings isn't going to fit into my plan very well). 

Your teeth will be cleaned.  And any other dental work done.

You will receive your annual pap smear.  And mamogram, if necessary.  That one is going to be tricky- but I'm thinking a 'portable' mamogram machine that looks like a tortilla press is going to have to be invented but I'm sure it can be done.

If necessary- a colonoscopy.  And if you are a man- a prostate exam.  I guess.  I mean I don't know if men get this annually or what.  But if they do- then they will get one.

Eye exam.

A pedicure and a manicure.  And a hand wax dip- just because that sounds wonderful.  And maybe a shoulder massage and a sinus treatment with that steamy eucalyptus stuff.

Bikini wax- if you do that kind of thing.  Or just eyebrows, but this will have to be timed right so that the dentist and this person don't get in each others way.

Meanwhile, the hairdresser will be trimming your hair that is hanging off of the headrest.  I envision her being 'underneath' kind of like in a pit like at the oil change place.

There will also be someone who takes your blood samples and sends them away for all of those annual test things.  The chair will also be equipped with a stethescope built into the back of it so that the doctor can listen without having to have you move.

And while this is happening, you get to watch one of your DVR'd shows in the ceiling TV.  You know, like the season opener of Hell's Kitchen that you STILL have yet to get to see (even though the show is over and the winner has been chosen- don't tell me who won).

And see- all of this will take place simultaneously.  No waiting.  Not holding on.  No just a few more minutes.  All. at. once.

And then an hour later you walk out, all done with everything.  One hour out of your life.  One afternoon.  Done. 

And your drycleaning that you dropped off on your way in?  Done too- you can grab it and take it home.  With your pictures you printed (mental note- add photo lab to the list).  And your car is washed and vacumed and the oil is changed.  Along with the tires being rotated.

Of course, there are a few wrinkles that still need ironed out.  Sanitation for one, since we're talking colonoscopies along with dental stuff.  But those little details will come with time.  I'm focusing on the big picture here.  Can you imagine getting every embarrassing, time consuming appointment overwith all at once?  Who wouldn't pay big bucks for this kind of service. 

I think I'm onto something.

3 comments:

Dan said...

Sounds like the stores in the front of walmart...you can do you banking as well.

Steve Finnell said...

you are invited to follow my blog

Vicki said...

Hahahaha! I really think you have something here!