Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Kids are expensive..............

We've all heard it. Most of us have even seen reports about the 'cost' of a child to raise them from birth to college. When you hear this, prior to birthing one, you assume that they are expensive because of diapers, formula, book rental, college tuition. Not to mention a bit of extra food and such. But let me tell you folks, that stuff is all just minimal compared to the real expensive costs of raising small chitlins.

The real costs are the stuff that didn't have to be, but are, because children are into everything. Here is my list of why I believe kids are so expensive.

Ketchup. The single most expensive condiment in the world considering little people use it by the gallon for a single corndog. There is just not a way to stock enough ketchup to appease these youngins.

Nail Polish. While all cute and whatnot on small fingers, it is far less 'cute' when applied to bathroom countertops and comforters- which it will end up on.

Toilet paper. Although this is a necessary item and a 'must have' in any home, children will find 839 ways to waste it- daily. I can't begin to explain how many entire rolls of the stuff we have had to chuck in the garbage after being dunked in the toilet.

Vehicles. I'm sure they do not do it on purpose, but inevitably one of these little 'treasures' manages to scratch the family van with something- a bicycle handle bar, a baton, a hoola hoop, a rock. This does not even touch the damage one of these little beauties can do to the interior of a vehicle- usually the damage is preceded by "uh oh". Me personally, I try to not even turn around when I hear those words muttered while in the car. It's just not worth the trauma that usually follows.

Gum. I won't go into details here, let your imagination run wild.

Food. I'm not saying that kids are not worth the food expense, not at all. What I find to be so expensive is the food that is prepared, served and then scraped into the garbage. If said food is purchased while in a restaurant, then multiply that expense by 10. There should be a kids meal available for purchase that is just 3 french fries and a quart of ketchup- because that's what they typically eat before deciding they are 'full'.

Lawn mowers. It is not the mower that is the expense, obviously we would have to mow the lawn with or without children. But what is expensive are the repairs to said mower after mowing down sand toys, tennis balls and rocks that our children lovingly hide in the way too tall grass.

Washers and Dryers. Doing their laundry is part of what I signed up for. Obviously I knew that my children would dirty their clothes. What I hadn't thought about was the amount of 'stuff' that I would have to dig out of them (ie. crayons, gum, wrappers, rocks, small toys). Some of these items require physically scraping them from the inside of hot dryer drums, and then having to rewash and stain treat entire loads of laundry. That is the expensive part.

Pop Cycles. Although this item itself costs like $.12- it is the damage done to the entire freezer full of food when the door is left ajar that is the expensive part. Then- after mopping up the garage floor from said freezer thawage, you come inside to find the pop cycle laying on the end table- melting all over a stack of library books.

Purchasing broken items. No amount of diligence can prevent every child from not accidentally breaking an item in a store. Then we, as their parents, get to crawl around on a dirty store floor while collecting tiny shards of glass in the palms of our hands- all the while explaining to a 17 year old store clerk that we are so sorry and we'll be glad to pay for this $17 snowglobe.

Electronic equipment. I can't begin to explain how many small toys we have had to physically remove from various electronics.

Potty Training. Carpet Cleaning is not cheaper than purchasing diapers. Not to mention, little boys with equally tiny 'parts' have very poor aim which results in lots of washing of bathroom rugs, towels and shower curtains.

I could go on an on for days- but I will stop here. Just for the record, kids are expensive- but not for the obvious reasons. Are they worth it- absolutely! I feel blessed to have the three the Lord blessed me with- even if I have to raise them in a home that is painted in fingernail polish and smells like pee : )

1 comment:

Ronda said...

I think all these crazy expenses are to save us from sticker shock when we send them to college.