Thursday, August 27, 2009

Boatloads of Cash..........

So- I am considering getting a job. A real job, like work all the time and make loads of money job. Currently, I work 12 hours a week or less and to be honest it is hard to work and try to have the kids with me. My mom has been wonderful in offering to help with the kids, but truth be told I think she would prefer to not have to do this. And it is not realistic to put the kids into daycare so that I can work 12 whole hours. I would pay more than I make.

Besides- wouldn't it be wonderful to actually contribute financially to this messy life Dan and I have created???? With Dan's hours cut, things have gotten 'snug' to say the least. Although everything is fine, I find myself wondering if Dan would really prefer I go back to work. I even saw him looking at information at the YMCA afterschool care program (*sniff*)

So this got me thinking- what is it that I am qualified for?

1. Lamaze Instructor- I don't have any personal experience in this, since all of my births were C-sections, but I did take a class and I even own a book.

2. Police Officer- besides the fact that I am extrememly out of shape and unable to see black and white, I think driving around real fast with the sirens on would be a hoot.

3. Lottery Winner- I would totally rock at this.

4. CEO- I'd have to learn golf but that shouldn't be a problem.

5. Cruise Director- wouldn't that be the life? Seeing the world via the gorgeous ocean. Besides, I love bingo.

6. House Keeper- after all look around my neat and tidy ho......... okay that ones out too.

7. Surgeon- now we're talking. That would be some serious cash! Plus I would look really good in those scrub things.

8. Nutritionist- I have lots of helpful information even if I don't follow it

So, as far as I can tell, here are my qualifications: (drum roll pu-lease............) I used to be up to speed with computer programs and such until approximately 9 years ago when I quit work to stay at home (I'm sure I can catch up), I am available for work from around 10pm until 4am- those are typically the hours no one needs me around here, I need to be able to leave early if my husband gets put on some screwy shift (which is usually 7-8 times a year) or if someone is barfing (me included), I don't want to work on holidays, I need to make lots of money in order to make giving up sleep worth while, I'm good at checkers, I don't want to do dirty physical work- but I can life up to 20 lbs. should I absolutely have to, I'd like to be very important in what I do, I can make a great pot of coffee, and I have earrings that match most of my outfits (although I very rarely change them, but I do own them). Added bonuses to having me as an employee are: I can make a mean bulletin board out of a stack of colored paper, I usually have clean outfits to wear, I rock at Wii bowling, I know the names of most colors, I can read and I am a member of facebook.

Well there it is- just give me a call if you know of an opening anywhere : )


Ronda said...

Well, that sounds like there should be a job out there just begging for you to come in and apply!

Anonymous said...

Elaine: Starbucks?

Vicki said...

You forgot to mention that you can sack groceries as well. That should be a selling point right there!

WV: slypi - (noun) a sneaky part of a circumference of a circle

Sharon said...

WalMart ----- that's it!!!! You would be well qualified for WalMart!! Or Meier -- better yet!! The breaks are great -- they seem to always be on them for they certainly are never around to help........benefits (in-store discounts) a greeter you could put your work with colored paper into play as you pass out the fliers -- also, if someone tries to shoplift, your desire for policework would come into play tho you would have to chase them down on foot but they might let you carry your own hand-held siren. At Meier, if you cashier, you can bring into play 'The Look' which all moms have learned(at that store, it seems to be a prerequisite)........oh, honey the list goes on and on!!

Not to worry.....I remember when I first went back to work full time at Doc's how I would go sit on the steps in the garage when it snowed and cry for if I were home as I had been before, I could be in the kitchen making a pot of chile and a big old cake -- it sure took a little while to go thru the grieving process of losing my at-home freedom......and I sure missed it and being with you kids. But that passed and I got used to it.

You know, a thought just popped up -- school'd be perfect with your experience working with the kids at Kids Kingdom -- all your first aid experience and diagnostic work as a Mom -- and you'd be off when they are for all the holidays.

If nothing else, honey, you could publish your Blog -- now there's a thought!!

Love ya.....Mom

Dan said...

How about you stick to the plan and be the stay at home mom and let me worry about the other unimportant stuff like money??