Bitter Sweet Jumbo Shrimp

Today is the last day of school here in the sticks.

The year, I swear it just started.  And yet here we are, AT THE END.  Room parties, class plays, birthday celebrations, spelling tests, field trips, first time every Cincinnati trips, school basketball teams, math club...........over.

I am happy to have my chicks back home for the summer.  Well, all except the "I'm now responsible for feeding them lunch too" part- because dang these kids are hungry like all the time and that makes for a bunch of running back and forth to the grocery and the dishwasher.  But other than that- happy happy happy. Happier after the show is over and I can actually BE here with them- but I digress.

I thought Sam starting Kindergarten was really hard. 

Turns out him finishing it is even harder.

He's had such a good year.  He's made friends, enjoyed going there, learned how to tie his shoes and pretty much knows everything about everything.  He's excited about becoming a 1st grader today- and keeps asking me why I am crying. Again.  I remember his first day of kindergarten, we went out to lunch before drop off.  Wendy's- because he wanted a root beer float.  Right there at the cashregister of that stupid fast food restaurant the tears began just falling out of my eyes and I couldn't make them stop.  I remember the girl asking me if I was okay, and I couldn't even answer her.  I told Sam they were because I was so happy for him- but really it's because an entire portion of my life as their mother was coming to and end.  No more little kids at home.  All School Aged Children.  Turning them over to other adults to let them begin to carve on my carefully crafted sculptures. 

There go those tears again.

Emily could not wait to begin 2nd grade.  I'm not sure what she was expecting that was so grand- but her excitement was unstoppable.

And it still is here at the end of the year.

Even though it's been a hard year for her.  She was sick a lot and had to have her tonsils removed, plus she didn't get to go to a SINGLE skating party.  She has several good friends, some new- some old, but not tons of frivilous ones.  This year kids began saying mean things and hurting each other with their words.  She has learned some hard lessons along that stupid road.  And she is beginning to ask about loosing weight through tearful eyes- and it is breaking my heart.  This is the summer I will make better tougher choices as her momma and we will try and turn that truck around for her (and for me).  Because this child?  She deserves to just be and for everyone to leave her be.  I'm not sure I will be able to really embrace that she'll be in the 3rd grade in the Fall.  That was the age that Allyson began asking me NOT to come to lunch, NOT to go on field trips, and NOT to be the room mom.  I hope that is not that case for Miss Emily- I'm so not ready for that.


And that leaves Allyson.  Because of school district changes I had to send her off to Middle School in the Fall, regardless that she was JUST a 6th grader.

And today she will march home in the 7th.

She is growing and changing right before my eyes.  She keeps asking about make up.  And I keep saying she's too young.  At the band concert this week I looked around and it did seem that all of the girls had on eye shadow.  So I suppose her day is coming, sooner than later.  She is becoming a young woman- I can see her wrestle with wanting childhood things and trying to balance that with her maturity and hormones.  This year her friends have transitioned, she has made a few enemies, she's took a stand for what she wants, shes trying so desperately to find her 'place'- and it has been rather painful at times.  She is beautiful, brave, funny and smart- yet she doesn't want anyone to know those things so she hides them.  She is so much like me that I know it's why I get so frustrated with her.  She is a young woman.

Oh my children- I hope that we can slow down and breath in this time together this summer for the treasure it really is. And that just for a few short weeks, I can enjoy getting to have you all home together with me.

If only there were a way to go back, for just a moment, and have Sam in a crib and Emily babbling nonsense and Allyson playing in the sprinkler while chasing imagionary fairies.  So fast, the time just marched right by as in a hurry to move on.............