In case you are wondering, nothing yet.

Something tells me that even whatever 'it' is that is coming-----won't be much of an earth shattering event to anyone but me.  And I'm okay with that.  It just feels nice to STILL be feeling this overwhelming anxiousness.

IN OTHER NEWS.......

 Sam went for his recheck on his arm- and being the rough and tumbly boy he is- both bones had shifted even though he is in a cast up to his armpit.

 Us Gobles- we're talented that way.

This time I told the doctor that NO WAY was sam going tob e awake when it was reset.  But sam chimmed in and said to just do it so he could get on with his last day of kindergarten.  What a kid.  So the doctor sawed all the way around, blocked a new angle with popcycle sticks, rewrapped it in new cast stuff and we made it in plenty of time for his last day.

I question how 'normal' this treatment is.  I mean seriously?  But what the heck- we're committed now.

Change

Change is coming.  I can feel it.  My heart this morning is fluttering with anticipation, like I'm getting ready for something really huge and exciting.  Except I don't know what it is.

But I feel a soft reassurance deep in my soul that God has a plan.  And that somehow all of the the whatever it is that has happened over the past few years- some of which has been so painful and hard- is getting ready to reveal it's purpose.

I know this sounds fruity.  It feels fruity.  But just as one can smell the rain in the distance, I swear to you something is about to change in my life.  And this eager excitement tells me it is going to be something good.

Bitter Sweet Jumbo Shrimp

Today is the last day of school here in the sticks.

The year, I swear it just started.  And yet here we are, AT THE END.  Room parties, class plays, birthday celebrations, spelling tests, field trips, first time every Cincinnati trips, school basketball teams, math club...........over.

I am happy to have my chicks back home for the summer.  Well, all except the "I'm now responsible for feeding them lunch too" part- because dang these kids are hungry like all the time and that makes for a bunch of running back and forth to the grocery and the dishwasher.  But other than that- happy happy happy. Happier after the show is over and I can actually BE here with them- but I digress.

I thought Sam starting Kindergarten was really hard. 

Turns out him finishing it is even harder.

He's had such a good year.  He's made friends, enjoyed going there, learned how to tie his shoes and pretty much knows everything about everything.  He's excited about becoming a 1st grader today- and keeps asking me why I am crying. Again.  I remember his first day of kindergarten, we went out to lunch before drop off.  Wendy's- because he wanted a root beer float.  Right there at the cashregister of that stupid fast food restaurant the tears began just falling out of my eyes and I couldn't make them stop.  I remember the girl asking me if I was okay, and I couldn't even answer her.  I told Sam they were because I was so happy for him- but really it's because an entire portion of my life as their mother was coming to and end.  No more little kids at home.  All School Aged Children.  Turning them over to other adults to let them begin to carve on my carefully crafted sculptures. 

There go those tears again.

Emily could not wait to begin 2nd grade.  I'm not sure what she was expecting that was so grand- but her excitement was unstoppable.

And it still is here at the end of the year.

Even though it's been a hard year for her.  She was sick a lot and had to have her tonsils removed, plus she didn't get to go to a SINGLE skating party.  She has several good friends, some new- some old, but not tons of frivilous ones.  This year kids began saying mean things and hurting each other with their words.  She has learned some hard lessons along that stupid road.  And she is beginning to ask about loosing weight through tearful eyes- and it is breaking my heart.  This is the summer I will make better tougher choices as her momma and we will try and turn that truck around for her (and for me).  Because this child?  She deserves to just be and for everyone to leave her be.  I'm not sure I will be able to really embrace that she'll be in the 3rd grade in the Fall.  That was the age that Allyson began asking me NOT to come to lunch, NOT to go on field trips, and NOT to be the room mom.  I hope that is not that case for Miss Emily- I'm so not ready for that.


And that leaves Allyson.  Because of school district changes I had to send her off to Middle School in the Fall, regardless that she was JUST a 6th grader.

And today she will march home in the 7th.

She is growing and changing right before my eyes.  She keeps asking about make up.  And I keep saying she's too young.  At the band concert this week I looked around and it did seem that all of the girls had on eye shadow.  So I suppose her day is coming, sooner than later.  She is becoming a young woman- I can see her wrestle with wanting childhood things and trying to balance that with her maturity and hormones.  This year her friends have transitioned, she has made a few enemies, she's took a stand for what she wants, shes trying so desperately to find her 'place'- and it has been rather painful at times.  She is beautiful, brave, funny and smart- yet she doesn't want anyone to know those things so she hides them.  She is so much like me that I know it's why I get so frustrated with her.  She is a young woman.

Oh my children- I hope that we can slow down and breath in this time together this summer for the treasure it really is. And that just for a few short weeks, I can enjoy getting to have you all home together with me.

If only there were a way to go back, for just a moment, and have Sam in a crib and Emily babbling nonsense and Allyson playing in the sprinkler while chasing imagionary fairies.  So fast, the time just marched right by as in a hurry to move on.............

This wish I wish I wish I wish

You know how sometimes you are overwhelmed with a sense of peace?  Happiness? Euphoria?

Like all is right in the world and you just feel....................happy.  Not that everything is perfect, it just feels okay and right.

This has not been my year for that.

Don't get me wrong, I have had tiny glimmers of that. My walk with God this year has been strengthened so much that I can't even begin to explain it.  But every ounce of that peace that has come through our Lord, seems to have come through a trial or a hardship.  I've come to almost brace myself when I feel God's overwhelming presence or have a God window opened, because I bet something really big is coming.

And I am so over trials and hardships.

I don't want to be a whiner, but I am- so deal.  I haven't even had it that bad.  Many have had far worse crosses to bear.  But mine are mine, and so they are what I know.

Right now I feel like laying down in the road and screaming 'Take me now Lord'.  But that would be fruitless because I am sure I would survive and just loose my legs or something- and how inconvenient would that be?

So I will continue to march crawl drag myself on.  Good news is, I have been battling the flu for the past 4 days (the really bad kind) and I FINALLY feel like I can believe I'm going to feel better.  And day one of clean out dan's parents giant huge jam packed full barn is behind us.  Dan's mom got an offer on her house and will be moving by the end of June.  Into a cute little house that needs a bunch of work and sweat poured into it.  Lucky me this comes at a time when I am working like 60 hours a week and still trying to pretend I'm a stay at home mom.  Plus I obviously need to help clean out, pack, sort and move his mom.  And we need to finish up the barn, and yet start the garage.  Did I mention that they haven't gotten rid of a thing in their 50 years of marriage? Not even a coffee can?  And, yay, the kids get out of school this week.  Only I can't celebrate that because I'm too stressed.  And my house?  Even I don't want to live here right now.  Not only is it a disorganized dirty mess, we're out of milk.  And I'm the chief milk buyer.

So there you have it.  But it really is still all good.  One day at a time- we can do this.

In the meantime, I will close my eyes and wish it to be July.

My beauty tools

I'm going to share something I probably shouldn't.

I have been brushing my hair for YEARS with a brush without a handle.

And when I have to, a brush that declares my love for Troy.

Not only is this humiliating.  It is also probably offensive to Dan.  I mean, a married woman shouldn't be brushing her hair with a brush with another mans photo plastered on it.  But desperate times call for desperate measures.

See- my girls don't see the purpose in brushing your hair in the bathroom apparently.  I know this because I find the hairbrushes in the living room, dining room, their bedroom and sometimes in my van.  Every morning it's a crap shoot as to whether or not I will be able to brush my magical flowing mane at all.  (also know as 'rip the knots out of this mess on my head). 

Earlier this week, after my shower I got out the blow dryer and proceeded to grab the brush.  The brush that wasn't there.  Only this time, instead of hunting it down, I just went with it.  Afterward I wadded it all up into a knot and slapped a hairband around it.  I surrendered to never brushing my hair again.

And then it happened.

 This beautiful brush was hanging on the endcap at Target.................ON CLEARANCE.  For just $4.48 I could have my very own hairbrush.  All mine.  No strange men and an actual handle.

Could it be?

So I did it.  I took the plunge.  I bit the bullet.  I bought the brush.  And instantly when I entered the door Allyson used her laser vision to see through my white plastic shopping bags and asked who the brush was for.

IT'S MINE.  ALL MINE.  NEVER NEVER NEVER TAKE IT FROM MY BATHROOM.

As if that was going to change anything about my past hair brush experiences.

So I did what any other mother would do................

I tied it to my bathroom drawer handle.  OH YES I DID.

I would have preferred that fance metal chain like they have at the bank- but all I had was Chennile crochet yarn, so I worked with what I had.

And now- unless those turkeys bring back a pair of scissors, my hairbrush will always be right where it is supposed to be.  And I know they won't go to such trouble, because they lost the scissors weeks ago.

Happy Mothers Day

I'm pretty sure yesterday was supposed to be all about me.  Well, me and my mother.  And dan's mother.  And every other mother.  But that's it.  It was MOTHERS day.

Late afternoon Ally was taking a ride in the neighbors go cart.  In our neighborhood. Not through the crazy wild hills of Kentucky.  Her hand got trapped by a tire.  It was horrible to see her in such pain.

I took her to the ER.  Her hand was bent up, swelling, and hurting.  (No cuts, no blood, just disfigured handness).

While we were at the ER, waiting in a room full of people that should have just gone home (in my humble self taught medical opinion) Dan called.  He was on his way with Sam- who had fallen- and broken his arm.

And I was taken completely off guard.  It takes a lot to catch me that off guard.  I mean my world is typically kind of crazy, I am used to the weird stuff.  But two broken kids?  Two hurting children sprung from my womb at the same time?  Two of my family waiting for medical care in a sea of weird ER patients?

I had to go to the ER desk and tell them that my son was also on the way.  And that they should keep the portable xray machine close.  I'm positive I was white as a ghost.

Allyson's hand was crushed- but not broken.  She has a large hemotoma, but should be fine in a week or so.

Sam managed to snap both bones in his little arm.  And the ER Doc?  The same one we saw a week and a half ago with the whole quarter incident.  And he remembered us.  Yay Gobles.

After we got home late late late and had a beautiful mothers day dinner of pizza while bathing children, I had to run to work.  Remember that crazy air show I work just part time for any other time of the year?  Yeah, well it's the time that I have to work ALOT more, and this week is crazy busy with printing deadlines.  Knowing my future and the fact that the ER doctor said nothing for Sam to eat or drink after midnight- I'm expecting a hard day today.  So I worked from 11pm and rolled up in my crib at close to 4am. 

And I was greeted by a puking Emily.

Next year, I am begging them to just skip the whole shebang.  Perhaps maybe JUST a card.  But another day like yesterday I'm not sure I want to experience anytime soon.

We're off to an ortho doctor this morning.  I am not looking forward to the day my little Sam is up against.  Or the fact that he is probably going to be in a huge heavy hot cast most of the summer.  Poor little man.

Tell me I'm not the only one

I wanted breakfast for dinner.  Including french toast stuffed with white chocolate cream cheese.  Don't judge- just listen.

But we were out of half & half.  Which is also an issue for my morning coffee- so I knew I best be getting to the store.

Dan has hurt his back again.  He came straight in the door from work and went right to bed.  He's hurting so badly.

So I loaded up the two youngest to go with me to the store.  But since I was heading out anyway, I may as well:

Run by CVS to get a gift card for my neices birthday to add to the book I got her.
And since we'll be out, I may as well drop it by her house for her.
Which means I need to take some wrapping paper so I can wrap it all up before we drop it off.
And since we'll be right there, I need to get Emily's bag/hat for girlscouts at the craft store.
While we are down there, I need to print a photo for Dan's mom.  And since I'm going into Walgreens to do that, I better pick up the items on my list.  Which means I have to dig out those nutrigrain bar coupons.
In the same area is Panera, and it is teacher appreciation week, so while we are there we should pick up one of those giant muffins for each of the kids teachers.
And looky, the gas light is on- better head to Sams to refuel.
Finally we stumble into Marsh.  Since we are going, I may as well get the few items on my list that we need, right?  So we grab $40 or so of various stuff from all over the entire store, pay, tell the children to quit playing tag at the checkout lanes (400 times).  Pay and head home.  Two hours later.

Only to discover I did not buy half & half. 

Well Poop!

If you accompany a group of kindergarteners to the zoo............

And in your group are boys..............

You can bet your bones you will hear alot about............

Poop.

Penguin poop.

Rhino poop.

Tiger poop.

Floating elephant poop.

Big poop.

Little poop.

Do they feel like they have to go poop.

And they will giggle. 

And you will shake your head after giving up on even fighting it.

An old bag- and I don't mean me

When Dan and I got married I was 21 years old.  It seems like forever ago.

I could clean my house and do ALL of our laundry in less than 2 hours.  And I did it always every single saturday morning.  After I slept in.  Then spent all saturday afternoon doing whatever it is that people without children do.

We played yahtzee at night sometimes while watching TV.  And we went out for dinners whenever we felt like it.  Our check book always had a few hundred dollars left over at the end of the week.  And our cars didn't have ground up crackers packed into every crevice.

We were young.

For our honeymoon, we went to the Bahamas.   I know- it still surprises me too.  It was my husbands planning that made it possible, and it was such a beautiful way to celebrate our marriage.  We stayed in an ocean front hotel, ate dinner at strange little places downtown, layed on the beach, played in the pool, ate beautiful breakfasts outside and did other honeymooner things that I don't care to discuss. 

We also visited the straw market. 

I was chased by more than one person carrying beautiful necklaces and bracelets while shouting "Hey Pretty Lady".  One man insisted on giving me a flower.  He wouldn't stop.  I finally thought how sweet it was and took his flower- he immediately turned to Dan for cash payment.  It cracked me up. We were literally just shopping around for whatever struck our fancy and enjoying seeing all the items offered in the market.

I found a straw woven bag in one store, and I wanted it to put all of the small items we were picking up in.  I thought it was pretty.  But the price was too high (I don't remember what it was).  So I changed my mind and eventually the shop owner offered it for a lower price and we bought it.

I didn't really think a thing about it, except that it was pretty and I loved it and Dan bought it for me.

Over the course of our marriage, this bag has become my constant go to.  If we are planning a day at an amusement park, heading to the museum, going on vacation- I typically grab this bag.  No particular reason- it's just a good size and the straps are long and it's pretty.

Yesterday I went on a field trip with Sam's class to the zoo.  So of course I stuffed my bag with frozen capri suns, crackers, chapstick and bandaides and headed to the school.  On the bus ride, I looked down and noticed my bag.  And instantly I was transported back to the bahamas with my new husband- our whole lives in front of us.  Neither one of us knowhing what could possibly be in store for us.

And I smiled.

We've had a nice life so far.  I can't wait to see what uses this bag will hold for us in the future.

My week

I know I've been pretty hit and miss lately.  Mostly miss.  Not that I even really expect that anyone has noticed.  But typically I blog most days, and lately I haven't.  So there.

I will now catch you up to speed on the past weeks happenings......

 It has officially rained and been horribly cold at every single one of Sam's soccer games this far.  It is my sincere and absolute hope that this Saturday ends that trend as we will now have not only a soccer game, but a softball game each and every Saturday for the rest of our lives. 

Or for the next 8 weeks or so. 

Either way.

 Rosie finally healed and got to have her stitches out.

 That same afternoon- she managed to catch her first squirrel and bring it's sad little dead bleeding body onto the deck (you can see the poor thing laying under the picnic table).  She then cried and whined at the door (inside) because we wouldn't let her back outside to 'play' with it.  We had to call our neighbor to come help rid us of the little bleeding furry thing. Squirrels are my favorite thing ever, in case I've never mentioned it.  And now Rosie is on my bad list.

The kids had retro day.  I could kick myself for not getting a snap of Emily as an 80's chick (we had the hair dead on)- but here is Sam.  He came up with it on his own......penny loafers, leather jacket, jeans, white undershirt--- what a great kid. 

What I find to be the most awesome is that giant orb of light.  I think it is his papaw.

 The kids had their walkathon at school.  I was glad I got to go see them both.  Apparently Emily was weepy that morning and didn't want to walk because she was so sad that I wasn't coming.  And then I got to come afterall- and she was so happy!

 I always love the school events- they are my favorite things to do.

 After the walk there was crazy fun music and dancing.  And Sam totally cut a rug and showed off his mad break dancing skills.

 Ally's best friend that moved to Massachusetts came home for a visit- and her parents let her spend the night with us.  It was awesome.

Emily has figured out how to use a new app on my phone and now I keep finding super fun pencil drawings on my phone.  She has always been one to surprise me with her self portraits on any camera we own.

My true talents have been discovered by the school as they allowed me to help with the kindergarten play design.  That is my Chicka Chicka Boom Boom tree.  All mine baby.

Please don't contact me to design fancy schmancy designs for your plays and productions, I just simply don't have the time.  But thanks, it's very flattering.

Ally and I had a heart to heart on Sunday afternoon about how she was 12 and not a child and that we should let her do whatever she wants to do because when she turns 18 she's going to anyway and that she isn't the perfect child we want her to be and she won't grow up to be the person we want her to be either.

Heartwarming I know.

Then I put her up for adoption on facebook, dried my tears and prayed for strength and we left to go to church for a youth function.

They had all kinds of fun stuff for the kids to do while the parents had 'a meeting'.

And 'the meeting'?  It was a short sermon for parents to continue on this path even though it is hard.

To continue talking about God and reading His word to our children, even though they totally act like they don't want to hear it.

To know that God has these little people right where he needs them to be.

To rest in peace knowing that God will help us to raise them.

And I knew that I was exactly where I needed to be as well.  Can you believe that kind of confirmation?  It's happened so many times in the past few months I can't even begin to explain it.  But I know that God is talking to me.  I've never been more thankful than last Sunday though- His message was loud and clear and right on time.  My defeated broken heart suddenly felt renewed.

And I went and watched as Ally played and laughed and began to make new friends in a new church that she 'hates'.

And that brings us up to yesterday, when Sam swallowed a quarter.

Yep- a quarter.  The real big shiny silver kind.

Turns out that at the start of class his teacher had to leave because her child was at school and swallowed a coin.  So then one of Sam's classmates encouraged him to do it to.

So he did.

A couple short hours in the ER revealed a nice shiny round coin in his belly.  No worries, it should pass on it's own.  But just to confirm, the next few days involve lots of fun stuff for Dan and I every time little man has to 'go'.

Just to confirm- we do get to keep the quarter, right?

Imagine if you will the awkwardness when the doctor was reviewing the x-ray and I ask if he happens to see any spare legos in there.

Last week he had a little tiny lego in his mouth and managed to swallow it.  Based on the extreme smallness of the lego, the fact that it was plastic and that he is our third child- I didn't take him to the doctor.  I figured it would be fine.  But since we were there anyway, why not take a look- right?

Anyway- he did not, so I was right and it came through without a worry.

Here's hoping old George does the same.