I am a woman who cries easily. All I have to do is think about someones pain, and I can feel the tears welling up. I always have been this way. I'm not sure I ever won't be.
I tend to worry about what others think of me. I'm not sure why- but I do. I am trying to focus all of this wasted energy on God and what He thinks of me, but so far it is only working a little.
Sometimes I feel alone, like there is not a soul on the planet who gives a whirl one way or the other. Things have been increasingly like this for me lately, and I then too try to focus on God and the knowledge that He is always with me, and love mes, and really that is all that matters.
I have a scar on my knee from a fall from my bike as a kid. I also have two scars on my belly from two little surgeries here or there. And then I have a nice long scar at the very bottom of my tummy where my babies entered the world. I don't guess I mind them much.
I get hurt feelings. And I don't mend well from them. This is a very selfish part of myself, I know. I'm working on it. The hardest part for me is to have someone hurt my feelings and then not seem to care that they did so. I always wonder why I am so unimportant to them that they wouldn't even care, especially when they are someone I love.
I wish I didn't care quite so much sometimes.
I allow myself to become overwhelmed by things to do. Simply knowing that I have a lot to do, even if I have a plan for doing it, sometimes makes my hear whirr. And yet- there are still more things that I want to do so I just add them to the mix and hope for the best. Sometimes that means I have to get up extra early to make an extra casserole or work on a project. I suppose there are worse ways to spend time.
I get distracted sometimes when I pray and I will find myself thinking about things (mainly things I have to do) while trying to pray. That is when I know I need to refocus.
I pray like 300 times a day. Sometimes a little thank you or praise here or there is more doable for me- I tend to believe that God hears me regardless of how long they are.
I put a lot of energy into friendships. Sometimes though I find that I don't put enough. It's a difficult balance. I suppose I'm learning that the friendships that are the most special are the ones that don't expect a lot from me and they love me anyway.
I am indecisive. At least I think I am. I'm not sure.
I have a husband whom I still find it unbelievable picked me to spend his life with. I wish I wasn't so short of patience sometimes and would let him see the side of me that he fell in love with. But life seems to be a bit too much and I let it overwhelm me- and so I just grump along my day forgetting to enjoy it. And he still loves me.
I would love to have just one more baby. But I'm probably too tired for that.
I think sometimes that I am intuitive, but I don't trust myself enough to go with it. So I talk to much trying to figure out if my thoughts or feelings are correct. This is not something I like about me.
I love with every ounce of who I am.
I am overweight. It is part of who I am right now in my life. I hope someday it is part of my past.
I'm not good at going first. I prefer someone else do that, then I'll go. This includes putting down walls. I guess I worry about exposing myself and being hurt. This is not a good quality. It goes along with worrying about what people think of me.
I hate to clean the shower.
I am no longer a young mom, nor a mother of young children. I'm heading to that middle aged thing- and I hope I develope the confidence that I've always envisioned comes with it.
There you have it. Me, in a nutshell. I am the woman that God created me to be, and I hope that I continue to grow and change as my life progresses. Although change is hard for me, and tends to bring me to my knees when it involves things that I wasn't prepared for. But I will try to embrace it and see what God's plan is for me and my world.
But until then- I will cry a little more and mourn the loss of the 'normal' things that I loved.