Dear Home Wrecker,

I personally can no longer stand you, Miss Hannah Montana.

Yes- I did find it interesting when Allyson (and Emily, because she wants to be Allyson) began 'loving' you. But I did not realize your destructive potential, your evilness, your ability to single handedly destroy a home.

My Allyson doesn't like you anymore. Ha!

But Emily, she is beyond enamored with you, still. She knows your songs, she wears your picture on her shirt, and now this. I am at my wits end. She is my last baby girl, and you have snatched her from my loins. Who do you think you are?

Poor little Emily has feet like potatoes. They are thick and round, and delicious I might add. On Emily, they are the most gorgeous set of piggies out there. And since they are attached to my very favorite 4 year old (no offense to other 4 years olds I love too), they are perfect. But difficult to cram into shoes, I might add.

All shoes, apparently, 'pinch' her baby toe. We have tried on all shoes in the universe, no good.

We even ended up at Stride Rite last Thursday- they are the professionals, right? Well, without going into horrible details, they can't fit all kids. (Dear Mr. Stride Rite, bite me. You are a worthless, hateful man who should take a course in customer service and compassion. You can not possibly imagine the exhaustion of a mother with a shoeless child who you can't help- you are the shoe people- you have to help! Why else would I spend $50 on your crappy pants shoes? Take your smug little self and shove it where the sun don't shine. You will never see me or my six kid shoe wearing feet AGAIN!) I feel soooo much better.

The only benefit to shoe shopping last Thursday was it turned out to be a date night for Emily and me. That was a treasure. I just needed to find her some shoes while we were out too!

As a last resort, at 9pm, we stumbled into Kohl's (they were open until midnight mind you). And then it happened:

"Look mommy, they don't pinch. I love them. I love them."

What was I to do Miss Montana? We'd tried on 43 pairs of shoes, and these were the first to not pinch. These ugly, horribly, fake suede boots with your plastic picture plastered on the side. I was over a barrel.

And then this:"These don't pinch either".

Two pairs of your tacky shoes, both including plastic photos of yourself. Of course I bought them both. She needed something to encase her toes. But you should know, I hate you- and your shoes. I just wanted simple, classic girl shoes. Pretty little girl shoes. And now we have these. Thanks!

Someday Miss Hannah you will have children, and they will want some nasty gaudy shoes- and it is my hope that they are the only things your childs ill shapen feet will fit into.

Yours truly,

Crazy Mom

For the record- my house is a disaster. And that is completely the home wreckers fault, I am sure of it:) It is my sincere desire that by the end of the day this disaster that has taken over my kitchen will be neatly organized into 15 childrens crafts for Kids Kingdom this week.

And apparently Christmas is coming quickly- so I need to try and finish putting the decorations up. And I want to do that with a joyful heart that is preparing for Jesus, not this freaking out over stressed attitude that I currently adorn.

But check out Sam- he is cooperating nicely with my plan today. Thank you Sam.