We were not meant to be left in the ashes

Almost a year.  Wow.

There was a time when I could hardly imagine a day without writing an entry here.  This blog kept what was left of my sanity pulled together when I had little kids pulling me in every direction.  Somedays I would even write twice.  Writing had a way of helping me to focus on the light, the funny, the humorous.........it made me feel free.

Until it no longer did.

God silenced me.  He took any desire and all willingness to share here away.  Or maybe it was just my heart was in a darkness that I couldn't really find much funny.  If I had to pick a season of my life that had the most significant changes, it would be the last 2 years.  And change is hard ya'll.  Especially for people like me who still have boxes of cassette tapes and 35mm film.

So, in the past 12 months here is the short update:

Ally turned 13.  13- wow!

We prayed and prayed and decided to transfer Ally to an entirely different school system to give her a fresh start.
The enemy attacked our family from every angle.
God continued to love us and guide us.
Counseling.
Tears.
More pain than I ever thought was imagionable.
God worked some more.
Grace and mercy, wow.
Lots of new family friends and abounding love through our new church- thank you Jesus.

We got baby chickens and built the worlds best chicken coop.

Rosie has since killed all but one of the chickens.
We have a new box of baby chicks in the garage right now, round 2.
Vacation to Lexington Kentucky just to take some time to BREATHE.
Air Show was cancelled for 2013- I helped to close down the office.  Bitter Sweet.
Summer of wonderful peace.
Emily and I were baptized together.

And now we homeschool.  Yes- you read that right, HOME SCHOOL!

Ally turned 14.

I would not choose to relive the past 12 months for my life, but I would never trade them because the work that God has done in my home has been AMAZING!  And I have heard the voice of God speak life into me and I will never never never be the same.  I started the year on a fast praying that I could die to myself.  I didn't know why God asked me to pray for that, only that He did.  And now I see why.  So much change, so much spiritual warfare, so many challenges.

Hear me.  We withdrew our children from public school and now we home school.  I never ever even considered that we would do that.  Ever.  But God said do it- so here we are.

It's been a year of growth for us.  A year of developement.  A year of birth. 

Thank you God for not leaving us in the ashes.

November 15?

Here it is, mid November, and I'm standing here scratching my head wondering HOW?

I mean I didn't even post most anything in October, which is my favorite month EVER.  And I keep thinking since it's so early in November, I could just do an October recap.

But now it's mid november, and that seems kind of late.

Plus I'm having computer picture issues which is why my blogging is jacked.  I really like to throw in a fuzzy picture and due to 'technical difficulties' I'm pictureless.

Make the most of this day ya'll- because the rest of 2012 is gonna fly by.

I can't wipe the smile off my soul!

Do you remember last May when I posted about how I had that super excited giddy feeling that as a kid you would get the night before Christmas?  It was like I was anxiously waiting for something really GREAT to come and I just had no idea what it was, but I knew that the feeling was coming from God.  Like I was feeling His excitement and sharing in it with him.

And until last night, I was still so anxious as to what it was.  But I had kind of figured out it had to do with Allyson.  In fact, in church one day I was standing in worship, silently praying as tears poured from my eyes for the loss I was feeling, I was missing our Zion church family so desperately.  The comfortable atmosphere we had worshipped in for 15 years, all of the people, our dear sweet friends whom I still love so much......I was missing them and I was asking WHY!  Clear as a bell, I heard it in my heart....."It was for her".  As I glanced down the aisle at Allyson, it all made sense.

Last night, while casually finishing up a bowl of ice cream wayyyy past her bed time, Allyson told me that while she was at church camp this summer (the church camp she dreaded going to but we kind of forced encouraged her to go.  The one with the church that she hated and would NEVER call her own.  The one that she complained non stop about for MONTHS!) she folded her hands and with the love of a new friend lifted her life to Christ Jesus and accepted him as her savior.

PRAISE BE TO GOD!

She hadn't told us because she thought we would be disappointed in her that she hadn't done it sooner.  She will never understand how very thankful I am for her.......and for this beautiful relationship she is building with Jesus.  12.  40. 65.  78.  Doesn't matter.  I am so thankful this morning I can't quit crying.

This entire journey has been so painful.  I could not imagine why God was calling us out of our previous church.  Why?  Why God would you ask us to leave your house just to go do another one?  Why would we have to leave all of our friends and church family?  Why would He turn the heart of a woman whom I loved so much totally against me and cause such calloused horribleness where love used to dwell?  Why would the pastor treat us like we were outsiders?  Because I wouldn't listen, that's why.

I have prayed my regret to the Lord so many times over the year.  I have felt nothing but his blessings showering down on me, even when my daughter was so angry at us for dragging her to this new stupid church (her words, not mine).  His plan was so perfect, all we needed to do was have faith.  And once we finally did, and gave up ourselves to his plan despite all of the tears and pain it has caused in the process, it proved to be so perfect.

This is only the beginning of her faith journey.  But a beautiful beginning it is.  Thank you Jesus, for claiming Ally as your own.  I Love You!

Love notes

Sam is learning to read and write.

Warms a mommas heart.

Really still here

Wow- it does seem that this blog is dying a slow death.  For so many years, the ones sprinkled with tiny children and a house that we rarely left, it was my lifeline.  I could not wait to update it almost every single day- and sometimes twice a day.  I dreamed of some huge company 'finding' my little blog and I could make a career out of being a writer.

And now?  Now I can barely muster the energy to update it.  What's up with that? 

It's not that there haven't been super fun exciting moments in our family.  Ally turned 13.  We went to the pumpkin patch before October 31.  I almost murdered my whole family trying to prepare to leave for vacation.  So what's going on?

I'm not sure if this funk will ever snap- but if it does, I'll be spilling my 'funny' (aka- super strange sense of humor) all over this here blog.

On a sidenote- we are back from our journey.  It will be a loooooooong time before I agree to that kind of car ride again.

You're gonna be happy damn it

So in just two short days we are leaving for the happiest place on earth.

And although I am happy about the wonderful vacation and potential memories we are gonna make..... the momma in me who is trying to prepare this family of five for vacation is STRESSED OUT.

And when you fold into that mess a preteen girl who is CONSTANTLY sharing her feelings about not wanting to go on vacation, well it's just a recipe for disaster.

I've had the busiest past few weeks of my life, and I am so ready for some time to just enjoy.  If these children don't cooperate, I'm going to stuff them in a luggage carrier on top of the car.

Vocab Words

Yesterday evening, me and the kids were in the car on our way to Ally's band concert.

I asked Ally to read Emily her spelling words so that she could get her pre-test out of the way during the drive. 

Right smack dab in the middle of the list, Emily shares that the word SEX has two meanings.

After I got the car back on the road, I snatched that spelling list out of Ally's hands so fast that the papercuts sliced off a finger or two.  After quickly scanning the list, I realized SEX is not one of the words.

I then calmly inquired as to HOW ON EARTH DID YOU COME TO THIS CONCLUSION AND WHY ARE YOUR TALKING ABOUT IT!?!?!?!?

Turns out a little boy in her class, we will call him A$$HOLE to protect his innocence, has been looking up dirty words in the dictionary and sharing his findings with his classmates.  Emily said that one meaning for SEX is male or female.  I could not let her share the other meaning.  Dear Lord I truly hope she doesn't know the other meaning, please tell me sweet little A$$HOLE didn't share the other meaning----because the only meaning in the dictionary is male vs. female (thank you Websters).

I looked over at Ally and I thought her face was going to explode she was laughing so hard.  And then she quietly said "Perhaps we shouldn't play with A$$HOLE.  Alright- #7 WEEK".

Lord I love these kids.