Holy cow! Its been almost a year since I've updated here. Not that it matters, this is more for my heart and I don't think anyone reads it anyway. This is a safe space where I can dump it all out and revisit it later if necessary.
Our little man did in fact move to his aunts house in November. Leaving him there that day was so hard. I know he thought we would be back in a couple days, just like normal.....except this was it. And when I reached out to see if we could see him our request was denied. I was heart broken, I actually slipped into a deep depression. My spirit was broken and crushed, I missed him so much. My heart ached even in my sleep. It was deep grief for someone who was still living and breathing right across town....I just couldn't see him.
Three months after he left, we got a message. A beautiful message that made my heart sing! We could pick him up to come with us to celebrate Emily's 14th birthday. She was not handling his absence well at all. She had become depressed as well. The enemy used her to make me question whether or not inviting kids into our home was the right thing to do or not. It took quite a time for me to imagine opening our door to another kiddo in need. Because opening that door made my heart hurt too bad.
Walking in the door to his aunts house was like a welcome stream in the desert....he screamed my name and ran to me and I swept him into my arms. And I loved on him. We get to see him every few weeks- it is a gift. He is a gift. God is good.
A text from no where read "a 5 week old baby?" and before I knew it I was on my way to Bloomington to bring a sweet miracle to our home. Her stay was short, just two short weeks, but sweet because she was returned to her momma. And having a baby in the house was precious! Every one was smitten with her- it was amazing. I must admit, that first night she was gone I couldn't wait to SLEEP!! I was exhausted!
Then in April we got a call for a 3 year old little boy....I was 4 days out from having knee surgery but Dan (and the kids) were certain it would be fine. So we said yes and quickly moved that baby bed to a toddler bed.
Bringing a pre-schooler into the house is never easy. But it does seem to be our sweet spot, the kids love having a small person to dote over and Dan and I love it as well. It clicks.
During my surgery I suffered a stroke, A STROKE!! I still can hardly believe it. My left side of my body was paralyzed quite some time in recovery and then I was sent home for my 3 day recovery from surgery. I had no idea why my brain was so confused or I didn't recognize my own hand. Quickly we learned (through a 4 day hospital stay) that my short recovery would be more like a year and it was going to be work!!! And boy has it been. I have struggled just to be able to type anywhere close to normal. And having a 3 year old doesn't provide lots of opportunity for rest.
Ultimately we felt like God wanted him to stay... so here he is. I make pbj sandwiches and give baths, we have sippy cups and dinosaurs. I wouldn't trade this crazy train ride for anything in the world, but the tears I cry and the prayers I send up tell a different story. It is hard, stepping into the brokenness of foster care is hard. But we will continue climbing onto the broken shards of families lives as long as God tells us to. And hopefully it makes some kind of a difference for His Kingdom.\