My little darling

I would be lying if I said I thought this wasn't going to be hard.  I really thought this was going to be easier.  I mean I was MADE for this.  Or so I thought.

There are days all I can do are pray for direction and try to keep from loosing my cool.

Turns out, the easiest part of parenting is newborn stage.  Sure, you don't sleep for more than 20 minutes at a time for a whole year and you sacrifice your perky boobs for milk dripping saggy ones (that never recuperate), but that little darling thinks you are its world- and you are- and it's all roses and soggy shirts covered with leaky milk, spit up and dribbled poo.  Good times people.

Because THIS stage?  I'm truly struggling.  She's becoming independent, having opportunities to make her own decisions, I'm questioning the tools I have equipped her with, she is fighting back.  It's more than I can handle I'm afraid.

This weeks battle?  Low cut tank tops and PG-13 movies.  I can not for the life of me make her understand that her chest has grown and now the same tank tops that she has been wearing for EVER are now not okay.  Now, they are a bit too low cut and revealing. Despite my discussions about modesty and covering her body, she always just rolls her eyes and treats me as though I am some prude.

As though everything I say means nothing.  Which might be my fault a little because somehow in my parenting geniousness I thought she would be easier to handle if I made light of my decisions for her and just joked around about being overwhelmed with her asking for more grown up things.

So now she thinks I am stupid.  Great.  Not the arsenal I need packed for this parenting gig, I tell ya.

I keep thinking that I have terribly wronged her, because she is not at all reserved or shy or gentle about her ways.  But I am realizing that it is just more of who she is, who God made her.  But I still need to teach her modesty, self respect, gentleness..........and she is not wanting to hear from me.  Which makes teaching her oh so fun.

And PG13 movies?  Some of them are okay for her to watch.  Some of them are not.  I refuse to allow my children to fill their heads with pot smoking cursing hillbillies who have the morals of a kumquat.  And because I'm the parent, then I get to choose.  If I hear 'but blah-blah-blah's parents let THEM watch it' ONE MORE TIME I'm going to personally slit my wrists with a DVD.

And because basically most shows on cable are crap, and she is DRAWN TO THEM, we decided to shut off the cable.  She has been obsessed with the tattoo shows and now some hillbilly car reposessing show- which you can imagine just glorifies all of the horrible traits in people (the ones who haven't paid for their cars and now are half naked cussing up a storm when the bank tries to take them back).  So all week, I've been waiting for the cable to actually shut off- only to find out that it's as shut off as they can make it.  Apparently there is no cable program with just the local stations anymore.  FAB-U-LOUS!  Now we have to buy and antenae and a converter thing that I don't know anything about and try to figure out how to keep the crap we don't want out of our house.

I feel like the Devil has 100% access to my house.

What I am getting at is that I have this vibrant, resiliant, independant young woman who I just know is going to grow up and be something wonderful.  She has joy, and skill, and a great sense of humor that I am certain will get her far.  If I can just help her to develop into a young woman who respects herself for what she is, develope a respect and love for the Lord, and learn to respect adults as adults........I think she will do great things.  But if she keeps being disrespectful and horrible- I'm going to stuff her in the hall closet and hope for the best.