An update of sorts

It's been a little nutty this week, so my posting has suffered.  But in case you are here, wondering how we are doing, we are all fine.  And by 'fine' I mean all five of us are on antibiotics (Emily tested positive for strep throat earlier in the week- yay us), having to have emily at girlscout camp bus pick up at 7am each morning is kicking all our heinys and Dan is still working another strange shift this week so I am still like a single mom who still has to wash dirty man laundry.

 Allyson got her braces back on this week.  Yes- she endured the first set, got a break for a year or so, and now we get to pay $5000 more dollars she has her second set on and the two year countdown started.  I feel so blessed that we can do this for her.  She just feels sore.

 Sam is our new guinea pig whisperer.  He packs them around fairly frequently and I find it quite charming.  He even gets them out of the cage all by himself and this week he mastered the art of filling the water bottle.  He is also adjusting to having his sisters home all the time, which says a lot.

 Oh dear.

As for Emily-      wait, that's not emily.  That was friend who spent the night last weekend.

There's Emily.  You can't see her because she's not here.  I put her on the bus to girlscout camp yesterday morning with tears streaming down her cheeks as she worried about the overnight camp out she had been eagerly anticipating until just a few hours before.  And then I, leave it to me, managed to make it worse by telling her that all she had to do was have them call and I'd come get her if she changed her mind and didn't want to sleep over.  Then once on the bus, I was informed that they would not call me unless it was an emergency.  As I explained this to Emily, she grabbed her backpack, she was coming home with me.  Until I said I was not going to drive all the way to camp for the last two days- it was do or die.  She either went, or she didn't- her choice.  So she stayed, but was crying.  And I cried for over an hour.  Last night, I called camp because I was worried.  They said I should probably come get her if I wanted, she was still upset about sleeping over.  And I was on it!  I couldn't wait to go get her.  A few moments later, my cell phone rang.  It was Emilys group leader.  Emily caught wind of me coming to get her and she decided she was staying.  I got to speak to her and she said she didn't want to come home- she was ready to stay and sleep in that tent with her friends.

And so she did.  And I noticed late last night it was raining.  I can't wait to go pick her up today- this has been just an emotional train wreck for me.  No more big girl stuff for Emily- that's that.

Men are from Auto Zone, Women are from Bed, Bath and Beyond

When we bought this house a little over 8 years ago- it needed some love.  And by love I mean dry wall spackling, floors, appliances, paint, and fixtures.  It was kind of trashed and we were just the people to bring it back to life.

Dan and I instantly both knew this was our home the moment we stepped inside the door.  And the idea of working together to make it our home was, surprisingly, exciting for both of us.  For different reasons I suppose.

I got to pick out new towel racks for the bathrooms as one of my many tasks, because neither had any.  Because I'm indecisive, I used my traditional method of selection- the clearance rack.  And I found the PERFECT towel bar with matching toilet paper holder.  And I bought both- because these kind of items should obviously match, duh. 

They are both a chrome/stainless steel- kind of trendy and industrial.  Both have small metal balls that screw on.  On the towel bar they are simply for looks.  On the toilet paper holder they are for function too.  The bar that holds the paper sets down inside of the grooved holders and the balls on the end keep it from sliding in and out at inconvenient times.  And by inconvenient, I mean when you are trying to wipe your heiny.  Or a small childs heiny.

When Sam was little- like 2-3ish- he was so intrigued by this bar.  And it took him like 3 seconds to figure out that the small chrome balls actually unscrewed from the bar and became like large shiny marbles.  Every day I would find them and put them back on the bar.  Sometimes more than once.

Until one day when I could only find one of the two big shiny functional chrome marbles.  Which made my super trendy, love of my life, toilet paper holder only kind of functional.

A few months ago Dan said I had to replace the toilet paper holder.  But I could never do that.  Because then I would have to buy a new towel bar too, and I just can't handle that kind of stress in my life right now.

He said if I didn't, he was gonna fix it himself.  Done.  Sounds perfect to me.  He could go and find another small chrome ball and we could all wipe our heinys in peace without constantly picking up the paper and bar from the floor. 

Except he doesn't really have the eye for detail that I was hoping for.   And now I am shopping for a new toilet paper holder afterall.

Keepin' my eyes to the skies

Our internet connection (which coindicentally is also our phone line) has been sketchy, at best, for the past couple of weeks.

It will be on, and then BAM gone, then back, then gone.  Sometimes for hours at a time.

Dan called our provider (from his cell phone, because no internet/house phone, remember), and spent forever with them 'fixing' it.  And they did their fancy thing they do over there way far away and then it was better.

Until it wasn't.  And so he called.  Again from his cell phone (remember????no house phone- try and keep up here).  He explained that his wife was a super important highly read blogger stay at home mom and had lots of super important stuff to update on a daily basis needed something to do other than laundry and the entire livelyhood of our home  existance of her sanity depended solely upon this internet connection and our 800 year old desk top.

Clearly they scheduled a service call, and pronto.  They've probably heard of me.

And then they called back the next day to confirm the appointment and said since he answered the phone it was obviously working so they would cancel the service call instead.

He politely explained that it was intermitent- and to please not cancel the service call.  And if they could kindly try and make it here before the end of eterinty we would be much obliged.  He may have used bad words.  And had a less than pleasant attitude.

I got a call this morning that said they had a tech in the area and wanted to confirm we would be home.  4 minutes later he rolled up our drive way.  I barely had time change out of my jammies.  He put on footies when he came in the door- and it made me laugh because Sweet Mother of Pearl this place is a pig sty and I was worried that his fancy cloth booties might make clean spots in my dusty floor.

He did his thing in here, then out there, then in here, then out there.  Then he produced some connection thingy and showed it to me and said it had probably been hit during a storm.  By lightening.

No joking.  Lightening struck my house.  Probably the same day it struck me.  And now I'm joining the witness protection program because OBVIOUSLY something is trying to kill me.

Monkey in the Middle

I suppose I've gotten used to Allyson doing all the 'big kid' stuff.  Camp.  School events (without me). Field Trips.  Sleepovers.  She's on the go most of the time.

But now I am trying to embrace throwing Emily into that mix.  This morning was her first day at girl scout camp.  She has been counting down the days for a week.  But this morning, as we got dressed to leave, she snuggled up in my arms and with giant huge crocodile tears declared she didn't want to go unless I was there.  And that she was scared.  So scared.

Obviously I offered to keep her here forever and ever and we'd read books and bake cookies and snuggle- but she wanted to go anyway.

And so at 7am we put that little bitty girl on that giant huge bus and sent her on her way.

And I am counting down the minutes until I can pick her up this afternoon at 4:15.  I hope it is a super wonderful day for her.  Dang, I miss her already.

Two Birds- One Stone

I have pictures- but no story.  And a story- but no pictures.  I will combine them for you.

My teeth- they are rotting out of my head.  And that sucks since I endured braces for like 4 years just to make the stupid things straight.  And I say 'I endured' with absolutely no reflection what so ever on the cash my parents dished out to pay for the things (thanks mom & dad!)(got any more laying around- looks like your baby daughter could use some more dental funding?)(just sayin)

 Basically I was trotting along just fine but then this past Fall I had to have one root canal- that turned into two (surprise!) and now the pain is back in the one and it's probably gonna have to be pulled.  Which in reality, I was good to just get an antibiotic when the pain would come, but NOOOOO, my dentist got all whiny and said no more antibiotics for me- I had to have the root canal.  Good call dentist man, this makes MUCH more sense.

 This current pain I am in is kind of my fault because after we endured the multi-hundred dollar root canal, followed by the several hundred dollar permanent fillings- I was supposed to go back for crowns.  But I 'may' have put that off and now I've apparently cracked the root and although the pain isn't coming from the tooth- it's from the nerves around it or something.  But to be fair- he never said I could crack it and it would hurt.  He just said I would risk cracking it the longer I waited.

 Funny stuff dentist man.

 So I had a temporary crown installed to see if that would solve the pain.  But in the mean time, I've had another filling crack and chip out.  And then start hurting.  So basically I've had an ice pack to my head for a freaking week while my dentist vacationed somewhere tropical.

 So my crown appointment this week was switched to refill my already filled tooth hour- which is like happy hour only with more blood and drills and stuff and less half priced cocktails.

 And now next week is double crown week.  Which is probably going to be more like pull one tooth and put a crown on the other week.  Which means I may get my very own false tooth.  A multi thousand dollar false tooth.  I'm thinking they make it out of gold and diamonds or something, but I could be wrong (wouldn't be the first time).

 (There is in fact a frog on his head- you just can't see it).

I'm blaming my old dentist for all of this.  He never mentioned anything- just filled an occassional cavity, did my cleanings, life was good.  He'd come in, give me a shot, go to his office and smoke a few cigarrettes, come back, drill and fill, ask about my mom, send me on my way.  He retires and my whole dang mouth starts falling apart.  Plus- his fillings start falling out.  Shouldn't there be a warranty or something?

 My teeth are so very young- like baby teeth really.  A woman at my very young super young really not old age should have teeth like a horse, man.  And yet I am constantly under the knife drill.  Plus they always want me to bust out my checkbook and I'm just not sure if this constitutes what Dave Ramsey calls an emergency or not- but that is what is gonna have to fund some of these repairs.  I brush, I use floridated tooth enamel building anticavity toothpaste, I use mouth wash (more now than before), I don't drink sugared drinks (anymore- unless you count wine and martinis, then only occassionally I do), and I floss (now, ahem).  But apparently it's too late. 

Do frogs have teeth?  Maybe I wanna come back next time as a frog.

Check that off my list

Lightening doesn't strike twice- right?  I mean what are the chances that someone would ever be struck by lightening once, let alone twice?  So I can rest easy now, because I'm relatively sure I was struck by lightening yesterday morning.

Which is funny, if you think about it, since Cars 2 is released this week, and it stars Lightening McQueen.

That really isn't funny now that I think about it.

I went into work in the middle of a torrential thunderstorm yesterday morning.  Because I'm dedicated?  Because my income supports our family?  Because I'm super important and needed to be at work?  None of the above.  Because Dan is working flipping nights this week and my work schedule is all mushed up and it was the only day I could go during the actual DAY.  So I went.

I was performing ultra important tasks that the vitality of the company completely depend upon checking my email when all at once there was a super huge flash outside, the absolute loudest popping noise EVER coming from the back of the office and a sharp quick pain that traveled from my rear end, up my spine to my head- all at the same time.  And all at once I could tune in radio stations in my brain and communicate telepathically with aliens.  Just kidding.

I lept up, grabbed my purse and headed for the door.  Because dude I was getting the hell out of there!  And that's when I noticed it.  The strong smell of burning sulfur- like a match strike.  Strong.  So I made a couple calls- from my cell phone since the office was basically now powerless- and was just on the verge of giving in and calling the fire department (because what if there was a fire on the roof top, top of the world) when Dan and the kids rolled up. 

Maybe I can communicate telepathically now?

They had been to the best bakery EVER and picked me up a doughnut and were coming to surprise me.  Little did they know I had just been struck by LIGHTENING.  I made Dan come in and do all the circuit breaker fuse box stuff with the guy I had on the phone- meanwhile the kids started bickering about who got to use the computer and demanding I turn on the TV.  Lucky for them, my body must have spared 1/2 of the office when I absorbed live voltage for the sake of my children's entertainment, because that half of the trailer (yeah- I said trailer, we're high class livin' like that ya'll) still had power.  And those ungrateful little munchkins didn't even say thank you.

Struck by lightening!  I was struck by freakin' lightening children- back off and let the buzzing in my head quiet down please.  Just kidding about the buzzing, but I needed to prove a point to these ungrateful doughnut eating children.

Dan couldn't fix the power- something big must have been blown apart in the whole process.  Which meant I worked, without my computer or internet or a phone (aka I just cleaned out files and cabinets and crap- and ate my doughnut) for a while until I began to get warm (no air conditioning) and called it a day.

Looks like my days of worrying while holding an umbrella in a thunderstorm are over- I've done been struck.  Bring on the big metal poles- I'm golden now!

Plus I think I might be smarter than I was before.  Strange.

You too can make family suppers for just $10

There is a lady who now has a show, on the actual TV, about how it is possible for a family of 4 to eat dinner for $10 or less.  She even is featured in a magazine article for parents of young kids.  Because this is apparently news worthy stuff.

I mean, $10 for a family of 4 dinner at home?  Who knew?  Except, well, all the rest of us living in the real world.  I mean, a $10 dinner at our house is newsworthy stuff man.  For ten whole bucks, I can bust out some dessert, an appetizer (not onion soup by the way) and probably a salad to boot.  Plus there are FIVE of us, although usually one just complains about the meal rather than actually eat it.  But still- five instead of four!

Looks like I missed my calling.  I could have had a tv show.  And a magazine article.  Dang.

Tonights $10 dinner- me and my crock pot are thinking pork roast with some smashed potatoes and some steam in the bag veggies.  Notify the press.