First Day of School

 These are not the hard ones. (Emily- first day of Second Grade- she's seven years old)

 Although I will miss them both with every ounce of my being, I have (kind of) gotten used to them being gone to school (almost).

 And they are ready and excited to get back at it.

 It's been a full and wonderful summer and I have so enjoyed having them here to enjoy swimming, riding bikes, lunches, picnics, playgrounds................great, now I'm tearing up.

 Regardless, these two little girls are already missed- but them leaving feels normal.

 I've had a day or two to get used to them leaving me for hours on end five days a week.

 (Oh dear, nothing like first day of school pictures to make you realize how desperately your front door could use a cleaning) Allyson- first day of Sixth Grade- she is just 11 years old.

It's later today that is sucking the air right from my lungs.  Knowing that I will have to send my very last little person to Elementary school.  And knowing that for the first time in as long as I can remember I will be alone on a regular basis.  Purposeless.  Wandering aimlessly.  Alone.  It's only for a half day, and he's still my little man.  I know, I know.  It's just that soon it will feel as 'normal' as it does for his sisters to go away all day as it does for him.  And I miss him so much already.

It seems so hard to believe that it is time already.

"Don't leave me little man, come home to your momma".

Good bye my friend, or not- whatever

Ally has a dear friend that she has known since kindergarten who is moving away.  Her dad has been relocated already to Massachusetts and the family initially thought they would wait here for him to finish his schooling and come back, but have since decided to go meet him there.

Ally got a call a few weeks ago from her friend that said that it was time for them to go.  They were renting their house and moving before school started.  Ally was of course devistated.  I can't imagine the pain of having a friend, a very close friend, move far away.

So I decided that we should have a going away sleep over for she and her four close friends (this group of five girls runs around together all.the.time).  A proper send off for an eleven year old young woman.

 Even though I SWORE I would never host another sleepover.  Ever.  I decided that a group of 5 couldn't be as difficult as a group of 11 (remember the sleep over massacre of 2010?). 

 We lit a fire and gave the girls hot pokers so that they could roast hot dogs and I threw bags of chips and pitchers of koolaide at them from the door.  And then TWO of these girls reminded me that they don't eat meat.

 I fought back my initial reaction to tell them to eat a bun and some chips.  Because that would be rude.  Instead I went to the kitchen and cooked up some pasta with veggies and a cream sauce and then I threw that at them on the deck.

 I also delivered a platter of chocolate bars, white and strawberry marshmallows and graham crackers so that they could roast smores for dessert.  Because I'm a rockin hostess like that.

 And they proceeded to roast them into charcoal nuggets- like all children do.

 After dinner, I gave them the materials to paint a picture for Makayla to take with her.  I thought she would enjoy something that they all made together to hang in her new room in New England.  And then the girls started painting their hands and I declared arts and crafts time OVER and I told them all to GET LOST.

They played hide and go seek with the neighbor kids, watched movies, ate popcorn and finally around 11:30 I left them to their own devices and retreated to my room. 

Not even 10 minutes later I heard a strange hush fall over the girls and one said very sternly 'Go get your mom'.  In my head, I was trying to figure out which emergency room was closest.  Fortunately, or not- depending on how you look at it, it was nothing life threatening.  Turns out, they were all hanging in the kitchen when the 100 pound beast dog that we have been babysitting (you might want to quit reading if you have a weak stomach)  (just sayin) released uncontrollable diarrhea all over the kitchen floor.  Once I was on the case, they disappeared out back clutching their noses in their hands and gagging and giggling.  I got the joy of cleaning that up all by myself.

By midnight I had the floor disinfected and I was back to my bed.

Fifteen minutes later I had to capture five giggling running girls in the hallway and remind them that they were to stay in the living room and GO TO SLEEP.

Dan's alarm went off for work at 4:30am, I could still hear them talking.

5:30am I stumbled my bed headed self into the living room and declared that they had to go to sleep.  If only for a few hours.  Moms would start picking up girls in three hours and they had to have had at least a little sleep.

And finally- they rested.

It took me all day to recover from that much chaos- but I had done my duty as a mom and given the girls a proper send off for their friend.

Their friend, who strangely enough, isn't moving right now after all.  Turns out they haven't officially rented their house yet, and her mom is still looking for a job, and she's going to start school tomorrow with the girls.

I think I've been duped.

Camping #2

 Last Friday we journeyed deep into the woods for weekend number 2 of camping in a row.  And by deep into the woods, I mean we went to a campground with bathrooms, a pool, a restaurant and electric/water sites.  But the good news: this trip we fit everything into ONE vehicle!  Trips prior we just gave in and drove both cars- because it takes a lot of stuff to camp ya'll.  This time, we took the two middle seats out and crammed that puppy full- floor to ceiling- squished the kids in the back and took off for our drive.  We could hear them- but we couldn't see them.

 Half way there I rearranged some 'stuff' and made it so that they could watch a movie.  Because their constant fighting/whining/bickering was wearing on me.

 Each kid had a playmate during this trip- so it was totally awesome.  And Sam's partner brought his own bag of wheeled awesomeness and a private play tent- so they were in complete heaven most of the time.  This photo, for the record, is the only photograph taken while not riding in something.  I need to work on getting the old camera out more........you know, other than when we are riding something.

 Here we are on our wagon ride to the orchard

Our deluxe accomodations.......(we're the tent, our friends had the camper) (taken while riding the trolley)

And here we are on our trolley ride around the campground.  It was so relaxing we went around twice, plus they were passing out free popcycles to the kids so it was doubly refreshing.  I think it might be the only time during the weekend that the kids weren't asking to go to the playground.

It was a wonderful weekend with wonderful friends and many memories were made.  Emily declared it the best camping EVER since no one died......like the weekend before. 

I couldn't agree more.

Might I just take a moment to WHINE!

I am not sure I have ever been this tired in my entire life.  And I have had three babies, so that is saying something.

I am emotionally and physically worn out.  Burnt at both ends.  Like a one armed paper hanger.  Like, like, well........I'm just tired.  Too tired to think of any other terms for being just plain tuckered out.

Last night, I made a quick trip to the grocery to pick up a few items we need for camping this weekend (yes- we get to go again!) and I almost just walked out.  I was right there in the soda pop aisle and I had to literally fight back the tears to keep from having a nervous breakdown right there in the store.  I would have given anything for a bench, just to sit down on for a minute and have not a single solitary soul need a single solitary thing from me.  I was so tired. 

But none of this was an option.  Because leaving all of my carefully selected goods at the grocery would just mean I'd have to go back, there was no bench and crying in the grocery store does nothing but scare people (I speak from experience).

So I kept going.  I finished up my shopping, put away my groceries at home, ran a couple more loads of laundry, folded sams and put it away, made a craft with Emily and her FIRST EVER SLEEP OVER friend, played a couple games of Topple, fed them all a snack and then we rented a movie and I collapsed on the couch with my living room full of children.

And today?  I still feel sooo very tired.  But perhaps a weekend of family fun will do the trick.  If not- there is always next week............

If I ignore it, will it go away?

August 15th is looming over my head like a big bad rain cloud full of darkness.

I keep shoving it out of my mind.  I won't go to the back to school section in the store.  I can't buy him a backpack yet.  But we have already progressed to the earlier bed time in preparation- because it's coming whether I'm ready or not.

For almost 12 years, I have not been alone. Almost at all.  I've had little people with me when I shopped, worked, cooked, heck even in my bathtub with me.  And the truth is, I have gotten so used to their company that the thought of being alone is scaring the heck out of me.

Last year I had to give up Emily to all day school.  After all, there is no half day first grade (but don't think I didn't petition for it).  I cried for WEEKS.  I would hold Sam and talk about Emily.  I was a mess.  A hot mess.  But I adjusted.............eventually.

And now I have to send Sam there.  How in the heck could it have been five years already???  How is that possible?  I keep thinking that if I ignore it, I will get another year with him before I have to send him.  Instead of in just eleven days. 

In looking for pictures of Lew, I ran across these.........

 Allyson's first day of third grade.  She was 9, Emi was 4 and Sam was 2.  It was a typical day.  Those two still in jammies wrapped up in blankies hanging outside while we waited for the bus.

 Well- kind of in jammies.

 Technically, these are emily's jammies (remember her swimsuit phase?  it was all she wore).

 Oh my.

I can feel my heart tightening.

I'm trying really hard to accept that this portion of my life is done.  Coming to a close.  No longer any preschoolers, no babies, no swim suit 4 year olds at the grocery, no little men with 349 cars on my deck.........just school age kids.  Big bad growing up so very very fast kids.

I am a wreck.  I have ALWAYS been so very thankful to get to stay home with these people.  God has been so very good to us to allow this in our lives.  Dan has always been so supportive.  The kids tolerated their less than perfect mother.  I will never never never regret getting to be home with them.  Mostly because on August 15, I have to send my very last little person away to Kindergarten and I will know that I couldn't have done a single thing to make it go any slower.

But I still think a call to his preschool teacher is in order.  It's not too late to hold him back another year and he could really use some more polishing on his abc's...............

Sometimes I use my blog to communicate with my husband........forgive me

Dear Husband,

You think you are stealth, but you are not.  See, I have three- count them     t h r e e    spy cameras installed all up in your business and there is nothing you can do that I won't know about.

Which means I know.  Oh yeah, I totally know.  Everything.  Including your little trip to the automobile store this week and your shopping for a little car to get back and forth to work in.  Little as in a two seater.

I'm here to tell you right this very minute that there is NO POSSIBLE WAY you are going to buy some small two seater sports car to drive while convincing me that the low gas mileage will save our financials.  Because I drive a mini van with radio disney blaring from the speakers.  There are chicken nuggets under the seats, crayons in the cup holders and someone wrote 'peace' in the dust across my back window.  There is no way that you will be getting anything cool to drive.  Gas savings or not.

Just a heads up.  I'm onto you.

Sincerely,
Your way cool wife who sometimes closes her eyes and pretends shes in a convertible and hasn't picked her own radio station in YEARS

Lew

Over the weekend, a very special part of our family died.  Lew Lew the Wonder Dog past away while camping with us Saturday night.  Instantly the loss felt so huge, so unbearable that the tears just didn't stop.  Leaving that campground without him was aweful.  Coming home into the house and not having him here was worse.  Such a huge part of our family he was, I miss him so horribly much.  We have made arrangements to have him cremated so that we can bury him here in our yard next to Daisy, our other dog who died when Emily was a baby.  I want him back with us- even if it is just his remains.

He was in fact the perfect dog for our family.  At the time that he came to live with us (see the picture on the bottom left) Sam was a year old and Emily was three.  Allyson was finishing up Kindergarten.  He was mature, not chewy, house broken and completely  happy to take the back seat and sleep most of the day away.  We were so very blessed to have him with us.  I only wish it could have been for longer.

Thank you Lewis for sharing the last part of your life with us.  I pray that you know how very much we love you, how sorry we are if you were uncomfortable when you died, and how much I wish that you could have stayed here with us for longer.

We will never ever forget you.  You were the best Lew we could have every had.